


Fascination's End

by mickeylover303



Category: Naruto
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-03
Updated: 2011-05-03
Packaged: 2019-08-26 18:10:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 63,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16686541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mickeylover303/pseuds/mickeylover303
Summary: Even when Sasuke comes home, it's not enough for things to go back to the way they were.  Naruto struggles to grasp shifting emotions, the consequences of the choices he doesn't make, and a history with Sasuke that won't let either of them go.





	Fascination's End

**Author's Note:**

> Bringing this over just because, or archive purposes...or something, while I'm still floundering with ao3, and in the mood. It was initially supposed to be a one-shot, anyway, but I was limited with that kind of thing before. Plus, this was the only copy I could find (formatted the way I like), on short notice.
> 
> Actually, I do think it flows better this way, but who knows. It's so old, it doesn't even matter.

**Fascination's End**

 

“Going through this much effort to walk me home,” Sakura says.  “Is it so important that it can’t wait until tomorrow?”

 

“What?”  Hands behind his back, Naruto grins at Sakura.  “I can’t visit you anymore?”

 

“Not when I just got back from pulling a double at the hospital.  And I’m tired.  Sleep deprived.  Maybe a little cranky, too.  Did I already say I was tired?”

 

Naruto reveals his hands and waves a small green bag in front of Sakura.  “But I brought you a surprise,” he says, almost sings.

 

“Is it edible?”  Sakura pulls at the hem of her gloves, wearing an undecided frown as she enters her apartment.

 

Naruto hums in affirmation and takes off his shoes.  He leaves them by the front door and follows Sakura inside.

 

It’s a lot less colourful than Naruto initially expected when he was helping Sakura move in.  The walls are some shade of pale yellow that looks mostly white that Naruto can’t remember the name of, the backdrop to a handful of red and pink accents that keep the apartment from looking too plain.  It’s a far cry from the mundane place Kakashi shares with Sasuke, and neat and tidy against the cramped living space Naruto proudly calls home.

 

Sakura moved in a month after her eighteenth birthday, the second week in April.  For almost a year, she’d been looking for a place of her own.  The result was a modest-sized apartment not too far from her parents’ house.  With a bedroom, a dining room, and a kitchen, it’s roomy enough for one person, yet small enough to easily maintain.

 

As close as Sakura is to her parents, her eagerness to leave them surprised Naruto.  He didn’t understand her need to, why’d she want to distance herself from something like that, even if only to claim independence and take that final step into adulthood.  A small part of Naruto still struggles to keep buried the wonder of that feeling, to want to move out simply because it was time, as Sakura said when he’d asked.  There’s a lingering resentment, too, maybe, that he doesn’t have the courage to acknowledge, simply because Sakura was fortunate to have that kind of choice at all.

 

But Naruto squashes those feelings, his narrow grasp of the experiences he never did and never will have, and lets them hide among the shadows that disappear beneath the table in the kitchen when Sakura turns on the light.

 

As Sakura continues over to the sink, Naruto takes a seat.  He places the green bag on the narrow table and raises his eyebrows at the way Sakura keeps eying it.

 

“What?”  Sakura purses her lips at Naruto’s look.  “Except for an apple, I haven’t eaten since four this morning.  It’s already seven.  Cooking’s the last thing I want to do when I get home.”

 

She begins to take off her gloves, tears them off like an unwanted second skin.  They’re gone before Naruto has a chance to give them another glance, and Sakura breathes a long sigh.

 

Sasuke’s more meticulous, Naruto thinks.  Too many times Naruto’s seen him pull slowly at long gloves that travel the length of his arm.  Sasuke exercises a patience he never used to have, gradually revealing skin until Naruto has to bite the inside of his cheek not to rip the stupid gloves off himself.

 

Without looking, Sakura throws her gloves on the counter.  She turns on the faucet, rubs her hands together under running water.  The suds gathered between her hands are rinsed away.

 

“Let me guess the real reason you came to see me,” Sakura says, turning off the faucet.  She grabs a dish towel and takes a seat next to Naruto.  “You’re avoiding guard duty again, aren’t you?”

 

Unabashed, Naruto grins.  “How could you tell?”

 

Sakura shakes her head.  There’s a small smile on her face.  Reluctant yet indulging, it’s the kind of smile that still has the power to make Naruto glad he’s already sitting down.  “You’re asking to get into trouble.  Flaunting such a thing.”

 

“Not this time.  Minamoto’s covering my shift for me.  Tsunade said it’s okay as long as I find someone to fill in.”

 

“Eventually it’s going to catch up with you, though.  She’ll probably assign you more hours, suspend you without pay, or even worse,” Sakura says with a grin, leans closer to Naruto, and then whispers, “make you finish her backlog of paperwork.”

 

Naruto’s cheeks grow hot, and he draws back, creating distance between his face and Sakura’s.  “Not if you don’t tell her.”  He covers his nervousness with a smile and gives Sakura a gentle nudge with his shoulder.  “Right?”

 

Sakura snorts.  “Sure, Naruto.”

 

“Besides, Minamoto came to me.  His anniversary is next week, and he has something special planned for his wife that Thursday.  He couldn’t get anyone else to take his place, so it’s a good trade-off, see?”

 

Sakura tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, giving Naruto another one of those kind smiles.   “That’s really sweet of you.”

 

Naruto looks down at his feet.  He’s blushing again but this time doesn’t try to hide it.  Rubbing his arm, he looks at Sakura.  “You really think so?”

 

“Not that you probably wouldn’t do it anyway,” Sakura says quickly.  She chews on her bottom lip, sighs at the pleading look Naruto gives her.  “All right.  But I’m only giving you fifteen minutes, Naruto.  And that’s it.  I can’t begin to tell you how tired I am.”

 

“That’s all I’m asking you for,” Naruto says, pushing the bag on the table towards Sakura.  “Here.”

 

Sakura looks at the bag warily.  “What kind of food is it?”

 

“If you were really hungry, you wouldn’t ask.”  Naruto puts a hand on his knee, trying to keep his leg from bouncing up and down.  “Go ahead.  Open it.”

 

“You’re lucky I’m hungry enough to be placated with food,” Sakura mutters.  The paper rustles as she opens the bag and peeks inside.  Her eyes light in surprise.  “Are these…?”  She rolls down the top of the bag, both hands clasped over it.  Her head snaps up to Naruto.  “From Nimomiya’s shop?  You didn’t.”

 

Naruto falters at the sharp look Sakura gives him.  “It’s not bad, is it?  I thought you—”

 

“No, I do—I do.  Thank you, Naruto.  Really, you shouldn’t have.  It’s not even my birthday.”

 

“I don’t have to wait until your birthday to give you something, do I?”

 

“You know I don’t mean it like that, but Nimomiya never has these when I go there.  Since she only sells them on weekend mornings, and I can’t go because I spend so much time at the hospital on weekends.  Then when I do get a chance, she’s always out of these because she only makes a small batch, and it seems like everyone in Konoha goes there.  Plus, it’s a little bit pricey for these kinds of dumplings anyway, but—oh, and they’re still warm, too?  Nimomiya closes her bakery at noon.  Naruto, how’d you—”

 

“Now that—”  Naruto tilts his head and wiggles a finger at Sakura.  “—is a secret.”

 

“Don’t tease me, Naruto.”  Bag held securely in one hand, Sakura uses the other to give Naruto a light punch in the arm.  “You know how much I love these things.” 

 

“But it is.”

 

“You’re too much.”  Carefully, Sakura takes out a small plastic container lined with parchment paper and places it on the table.  There are twelve dumplings in all, each punctured by a short stick.  Instead of a having a filling, they’re covered in red bean paste, coated with a thin layer of simple syrup and sprinkled with tiny pieces of crystallised ginger.

 

“I almost don’t want to eat them now,” Sakura says.  “Never mind the fact that I can’t eat all of these by myself.”

 

“…share them with me?”

 

“Actually…”  Sakura pushes the container between herself and Naruto.  “I’d like that.”

 

“Yeah, I’d—me, too.”

 

Sakura reaches for one of the dumplings.  She takes a small bite, closes her eyes, and when she leans against him, Naruto only just resists the urge to put his arm around her.  “I haven’t eaten one of these in so long.  After the kind of week I’ve been having, this is exactly what I need.  Is there any way I can get you do to this more often?  I’m at the point where I’m almost willing to do anything.”

 

Dry palms somehow make his hands feel sweaty, and Naruto remembers to let himself breathe.

 

“But this isn’t why you came here, though.”  Sakura sits up, and Naruto almost reaches to bring her back against him.  “I’m sorry, I—”

 

“No, it’s fine. It’s fine, really.  I do have something important to say.  That is…”

 

“Naruto?”   Sakura puts in her mouth a finger sticky from syrup and red bean paste, and Naruto swallows at the wide-eyed look she’s giving him. 

 

She waves her hand in front of Naruto’s face, and Naruto stares, entranced by the small movement.  Sakura’s hands are smaller than his, feel abnormally so during the few times Naruto’s had the rare opportunity to hold them.  They fit inside his hand, compliment slim fingers and skin that feels just as rough as his own.

 

Sakura frowns and lets her hand fall back in her lap.  “Is something wrong?  You said it was important, but…”

 

“Ye-yeah, I…”  Naruto presses together dry lips, runs his tongue over them.  “I wanted to say—I mean, ask you something.”

 

“What is it, Naruto?”

 

Naruto fumbles over the confession he’s been mentally preparing himself for since this morning, the words that suddenly sit tightly in his throat.  “I, um...”  He shies away from Sakura’s face.  His gaze shifts down.

 

Sakura’s eyes darken then narrow.  Out of concern or anger, Naruto can’t tell.  “…Naruto?”

 

“Sasuke, I—”

 

...

 

“—choked.”  Naruto points at Kiba with the small end of his chopsticks, twirls them idly with the use of two fingers.  “I totally choked.”

 

“Not like it’s the first time,” Kiba grumbles, peering at Naruto from over his small glass of sake.  “If Sakura hadn’t said yes before, why even bother asking her out now?”

 

“Because this time was supposed to be different,” Naruto says.  “We’ve been kind of close lately, and I thought, even if Sakura didn’t mean it that one time before—I don’t know.  Something about tonight felt right.”

 

“Mm-hm…that’s nice.”  Kiba knocks back the rest of his sake and places the glass on the counter of the bar.  He gives a satisfied smack of his lips then frowns, stares at Naruto with his eyebrows bunched together.  “Wait a minute.  I thought you liked Sakura?”

 

Naruto uses his chopsticks to snag a thin slice of raw salmon from the plate he’s sharing with Kiba.  His hand pauses over a small bowl, half empty with a mixture of soy sauce and grated wasabi.  He blinks and dips the fish in the bowl.  “I do.” 

 

“And that’s why you were talking to Sakura, right?”

 

Naruto places the salmon in his mouth and chews for a moment.  He swallows, face guarded.  “…yes?”

 

“But you said Sasuke.”

 

“No, I didn’t.”

 

“Yeah, you did.”  Kiba pauses, narrows eyes that just as soon widen.  “You said Sasuke.  When you said you were about to confess to Sakura, you said Sasuke instead of Sakura.”

 

“Uh—no.”

 

“Look, your memory’s faulty.”  When Naruto begins to open his mouth, Kiba stops the retort with a pointed look and pulls on the lobe of his left ear.  “And don’t even think about questioning my hearing.  I heard you say Sasuke.”

 

“I said Sakura.”

 

“Sasuke.”

 

“Sakura.”

 

 “Sakura.”

 

“Sasuke.”

 

Leaning sideways in his chair, Kiba nearly jabs Naruto in the eye with his finger.  “See—you see what you just did?  You said his name again.”

 

Naruto rolls his eyes and pushes Kiba’s finger away from his face with his free hand.  “That’s the oldest trick in the book.”

 

“You still fell for it.”

 

“Doesn’t mean it counts.”

 

“No, it just means you said Sasuke’s name while you were trying to ask Sakura out.”

 

“That’s not what happened,” Naruto hisses, levelling his chopsticks with Kiba’s nose.  “And even if I did, it’s not like I did it on purpose.”

 

“So you admit it.”

 

Naruto groans.

 

“But mixing those two up?” Kiba says.  “You’re asking Sakura out, but you were thinking of Sasuke?  How does that happen?”

 

“I guess because I haven’t seen him in a long time.”

 

“I don’t see how.  I run into that guy all the time, but if that’s the case, please tell me how you managed not to when it’s like he hides in plain sight.”

 

Naruto pulls a face at the subtle dig.  “Well, maybe I was thinking about how much Sakura used to like Sasuke back then and how much she used to turn me down because of it.  It could have been anything.  It just happened, all right.”

 

“No wonder why Sakura gave you that black eye.”  Lowering his voice, Kiba says, “You even think to start calling me Sasuke, unlike Sakura, I’m going to make sure your eyes match.”

 

“Actually…”  Naruto blinks.  Right eye taking longer to open than the left, he winces and scratches his chin.  “She thought I was looking at her breasts.  It wasn’t like there was much to look at—not that I’d ever tell her that, you know—but I forgot what I wanted to say and couldn’t look her in the eyes.  That’s when she saw me looking down, so…”

 

Kiba stares.  He shakes his head, picks up the last piece of salmon and brings it to his mouth.

 

“What?”

 

“You’re hopeless.”

 

“You’ve only been going out with Ino for what—six months?  All of a sudden you’re the relationship expert?”

 

“At least I’m in one.”

 

“Don’t say it like it’s the end of the world or something.  I’m not some old man.  I’m seventeen.”  Naruto reinforces his words with a firm nod.  “And it’s not like Sakura rejected me.  If she wasn’t paying attention to what I said, that means I can try again.  Everything was okay until she caught me looking down.  She was really excited about the dumplings I gave her, too.”

 

“Hey, if you’re all for it, why not?  Still don’t know what Sasuke has to do with it, though.”

 

“He doesn’t.  I don’t know how to explain that part.  I don’t even like him like that.”

 

“ _You_ don’t like him like that?” Kiba says.  “I don’t even know if I like him period.”

 

“I can’t exactly do the dumpling thing again,” Naruto mumbles.  “But that’s going to be hard to top.”

 

“Try flowers.”

 

“Isn’t that kind of obvious?”

 

“But it works, doesn’t it?”

 

“Maybe,” Naruto says, sending Kiba a thoughtful glance.  “…I did say Sasuke’s name, right?”

 

Gently, Kiba places his chopsticks on the emptied plate.  “Where are you going with this?”

 

“Think that’s a sign?   I didn’t think so before, but what if Sakura still likes Sasuke?”

 

“I don’t think I’m following you.  Not that I think I want to, either.”

 

“So it’s like this.  You know I’ve been trying to be subtle about still liking Sakura.”  Naruto pointedly ignores the incredulous look Kiba gives him.  “Okay, so it’s not like I wasn’t kind of obvious about it.  But let’s say she does see something in him.”

 

“And?”

 

“And what if I can find out why Sakura still likes Sasuke?  I’ll hang out with Sasuke, find out what about him that Sakura likes so I can prove to her that I have the same thing, if not better, and then try to ask her out again knowing I have a better chance of her saying yes.”

 

“Let me get this straight.”  Kiba covers his mouth with his hand and coughs.  “Instead of just asking Sakura if she still likes Sasuke, you want to start spending more time with Sasuke, see what it is about him that Sakura might like, and then use that to convince her to like you?”

 

“It’s still in the early stages, but that’s pretty much the idea, yeah.”

 

“Okay,” Kiba says strangely.  “Good luck with that one.” With an uncharacteristically polite nod, he rests his hands flat on the counter and begins to stand. 

 

“Wait—where are you going?”  Naruto grabs Kiba’s shirt and yanks him back down.  “I thought you were going to help me.”

 

“Help you what—get into Sasuke’s pants?”  Hands held out in front of him, Kiba’s eyes go wide.  He starts shaking his head, fast enough that it almost makes Naruto dizzy.  “No way, man!  I’m not helping you get into that guy’s pants!”

 

 “I’m talking about Sakura!  Who the hell said anything about getting into Sasuke’s pants?!”

 

...

 

After nearly half an hour of trying to convince Kiba that he in fact does not want to get into Sasuke’s pants, because that’s really not what he’s trying to do, Naruto decides to heed Kiba’s advice about the flowers.

 

He waits four days for the whole accidently-staring-at-Sakura’s-chest thing to blow over, and that Friday finds him in front of the Yamanaka flower shop.

 

Despite his reluctance at preparing to do something this obvious, it seems like sound advice from a guy whose girlfriend happens to know a lot about flowers.  It makes sense then, that Kiba should know about these kinds of things.

 

Thankfully, Ino’s not here.

 

Naruto’s weekly stints with Kiba began sometime last year, when Kiba made a friend who had a friend that knew of an izakaya bar not known to make a habit of questioning the ages of customers that look the part.  And they do.  Naruto and Kiba welcome drinks under the table every Sunday night when they can, something of a ritual between them, but ever since Kiba started dating Ino, Naruto isn’t sure what he tells her about their conversations.

 

He knows Kiba won’t go into specifics.  Still, it calms Naruto’s nerves considerably knowing he won’t have to try keeping a straight face while buying flowers from Ino, who definitely knows how to put two and two together and would probably tease him about attempting to impress Sakura with something as simple as flowers.

 

Instead, he opens the door and is met with a cheerful greeting from Ino’s mom.

 

“Welcome,” she calls out from behind the counter, a knowing smile on her face that simply continues to grow as Naruto approaches her.

 

He walks down the wide aisle, surrounded by vivid colours—pinks and whites, blues and yellows, any and everything else in between—all intermixed with an ever-present hue of green.  It almost makes him feel claustrophobic.  Even though he hasn’t done this before, it’s not really an excuse to be nervous. 

 

He’s just buying flowers.  Girls like flowers.  Sakura’s a girl, and Naruto already knows she likes flowers.  Better yet, he knows which flower Sakura likes the best.

 

“So what can I do for you today, Naruto?”

 

There’s a tickle in Naruto’s throat.  The thought that Ino’s mom remembers him spurs the beginnings of a feeling he isn’t afraid to call gratification, but Naruto doesn’t let it make him forget why he’s here.  “I’d like to buy some flowers.  I guess that’s kind of obvious since I’m in a flower shop.  But you know that already, because I’m here.  That’s why I came here.  To look at flowers.  I mean, to buy flowers, and…”

 

“This is the first time you’ve come here for flowers, yes?”  She laughs, the sound light and airy, and Naruto feels himself relax.  “I suppose the variety can be intimidating if you’ve never browsed for flowers before.  But I’ll try to make this as easy as possible for you, okay?”

 

“If you could?”

 

She answers with a gracious nod, although there’s a gleam in her eyes that immediately reminds Naruto of Ino.  “But first you’ll have to tell me who the lucky lady is.”

 

“Ah, that.”  Naruto’s fingers reach for that familiar spot on the back of his neck.  “Hehe, it’s, um, for Sakura.”

 

“I don’t believe it’s Sakura’s birthday.  Unless…”

 

“No, it’s just something to show her that she’s—that I…”

 

“Of course, of course.”  She smiles and gestures for Naruto to come closer.  “Do you already have something particular in mind, or would like for me to make a special arrangement?”

 

Ino’s mom is famous for her skill in Ikebana.  She’s respected not only for her rare ability but also for her efforts to preserve a dying craft she almost single-handedly revived in Konoha.  While Naruto can say he has a green thumb, arranging flowers is an art he doesn’t understand.  Yet he can still appreciate the significance of her strong sense of devotion and how much it shows through the quality of her designs.

 

Sakura understands Ikebana better than he does, maybe because she’s so close with Ino, but Naruto can’t afford to pay for the kind of flower arrangement that would undoubtedly impress her.  So he decides to stick with the next best thing: the flower he knows Sakura likes.

 

“Kind of,” Naruto says.  “I’m looking for some camellias.  Alba Plena? If you still have any left.  I know it’s almost out of season, but…”

 

“Tsubaki?”

 

“Yes, please.” 

 

“I have to admit,” she says after a long pause, “that flower is an unexpected choice.”

 

Naruto toys with the zipper on his jacket, bringing it down and then pulling it up halfway.  “Nothing too complicated, I guess.”

 

“Well, it is said that simple is best, right?  Admittedly, I’d prefer something more traditional, perhaps even more formal.  It’s how I was raised.  These days, the trend has changed with the younger generation.  Even so, the beauty in such simplicity can’t be overlooked.”

 

“That’s what I’m hoping for, yeah.”

 

She offers a soft smile that Naruto hesitantly returns.  “I’m sure Sakura will love them.”

 

...

 

Armed with a small bouquet of camellias, Naruto knocks three times on Sakura’s door.  The flowers look even whiter against the brown paper wrapped around them, almost like they glow in the dark.  He loosens his hold around the long thin stems that feel fragile in beneath his fingers and waits for Sakura to answer.

 

When the door begins to open, Naruto loses his nerve at the last minute.  He turns away and holds up the bouquet in the direction where he thinks Sakura is.  His entire body is still, not too far from shaking, and an overwhelming sense of disappointment begins to pile over any traces of his former anxiety.

 

But a small sneeze causes Naruto to frown, disappointment and anxiety almost completely forgotten when he realises the sound didn’t come from Sakura.

 

“What are you doing here?” says a voice decidedly not Sakura’s, and Naruto almost gives himself whiplash turning around to see the voice belongs to Sasuke.

                                                                                                                                  

“What am I doing here?”  Confirming what he already knows, Naruto squints, still holding the flowers towards Sasuke.  “The hell are you doing here?”

 

“I’m helping—” Sasuke sneezes again, making this short and shrill sound that doesn’t suit him at all.

 

Naruto blinks and stares as Sasuke uses his hand to cover another one of those weird sounding sneezes.  He tilts his head to the side, takes a good look at Sasuke.

 

Gone are the long black gloves Naruto’s used to seeing Sasuke wearing.  Instead, he’s wearing the yellow kind used for cleaning, only covering up to his wrists and leaving the rest of his arms exposed.  His black sleeveless shirt is replaced with a plain white t-shirt, the hem hiding the waistband of dark blue shorts that end just above Sasuke’s knees.  A light blue bandana is wrapped around his forehead, keeping his hair out of his face, and it looks like there’s some kind of dust or dirt smudged over the bridge of his nose.

 

“Is this—”  Sasuke’s interrupted by a fourth sneeze.  “Is this some kind of joke?”

 

“Isn’t that supposed to be my line?”

 

Sasuke tries to glare, which isn’t the least bit effective since he just ends up looking cross-eyed.  “Get those damn things away from me.”  His hand goes back over his mouth, and he sneezes again.

 

The sound of footsteps comes from inside Sakura’s apartment, light but hurried.  A third pair of feet make their way to the door, and Sakura appears from behind Sasuke.  “Sasuke, who’s at the—Naruto?”

 

Naruto looks at the bouquet he’s still holding in front of Sasuke.  His gaze moves to Sakura, focused on how close she’s standing to Sasuke.  The sight of them together draws his lips apart.

 

Sasuke’s shoulders hunch forward, and his body shakes from the wasted effort of trying to hold in another sneeze.  He makes a blind reach for the camellias and knocks them out of Naruto’s hand.

 

The flowers fall to the ground.  Large white petals seem to wilt upon impact.  They’re crushed beneath the carelessness of Sasuke’s movements, and Naruto snarls at Sasuke, ignoring the redness in Sasuke’s face and the wetness gathered at the corners of Sasuke’s eyes.

 

Sakura puts a hand on Sasuke’s shoulder.  She tries to guide him inside the apartment, but Sasuke wrenches himself away from her.

                                                                                                                                   

“I’m leaving.”

 

“Sasuke,” Sakura says, “you don’t have to—”

 

“I’ll get the rest of my stuff tomorrow.”

 

The sheer anger in Sasuke’s voice is contagious, quick to goad Naruto into the kind of frustration reserved for moments like this.  It’s more familiar than his confusion from seeing Sasuke with watery eyes and blotched cheeks, and Naruto doesn’t hesitate to reciprocate the kind of raw emotion he hasn’t been able to pull from Sasuke in far too long.

 

Out of habit, maybe more so than any real anger, Naruto starts to go after Sasuke, but his reach falls short when Sakura grabs a hold of his arm.

 

“Let him go, Naruto.”

 

Reluctant, Naruto allows his face to go slack.  The tension in his body dissolves.  If Sasuke doesn’t kill him later on, judging by the grip she has on him, Sakura will be more than happy to do it now, but when Naruto looks at her, she only squeezes his arm.  Suddenly, she looks worn.  It’s a rare glimpse into the smiles not dissimilar to his own, the late hours at the hospital beginning to catch up to her, and Naruto feels just as weary seeing how much Sakura’s aged in four days.

 

“Sakura…”

 

“It’ll be fine.  Sasuke just needs to—I’ll call to check on him later.”  Sakura releases Naruto’s arm, waiting a few seconds before she slowly steps away.  She bends down to pick up the fallen camellias, careful not to further damage the petals. 

 

Naruto lets his arm hang at his side and makes a fist to fill the emptiness in his hand.

 

“What were you thinking?”  Her words sound like they should be scolding, yet Sakura stands up and looks at Naruto with an unravelled smile.  It’s a fond smile, too, maybe even a little nostalgic when she gets this distant look in her eyes.

 

“But I wasn’t—”

 

“You know Sasuke’s allergic to camellias.”  Sakura brings the flowers to her chest.  They droop over her hands as she tries to hold them upright.

 

“I…”

 

I forgot, is what Naruto wants to say, would say if it were true.  If only because Sakura mentions it, Naruto remembers.  He also remembers camellias being Sakura’s favourite flower until she found out Sasuke was allergic to them.

 

Sakura waits for Naruto to finish, but her patience doesn’t last long.  She sighs, makes a motion for Naruto to come inside her apartment.  “What am I supposed to do with you, Naruto?”

 

“I didn’t know Sasuke would be here,” Naruto mutters.  He closes the door behind him.  “I didn’t even know you two were…”

 

“Oh.”  Sakura blinks, but her eyes soften at Naruto.  Again, she tries to smile, but her voice doesn’t carry through with the attempt.  “No, it’s not like that.  He was—I just wanted Sasuke to spend some time outside of that house.  I don’t like him being there if I can help it.”

 

“That house?”

 

“The one where his parents…”

 

“Right,” Naruto says.  “That house.”

 

“Sasuke was just helping me clean up.  I haven’t really been home lately, meaning I haven’t had time to finish unpacking the rest of my boxes, either.  Somehow it slipped into our conversation yesterday, and I asked him to help me.”

 

“He said yes?”

 

“Sasuke said he didn’t mind.”

 

“That’s…nice.”

 

Sakura nods in agreement.  “Mm-hm.”  She runs her finger over a bent petal that looks ready to fall off the stem.  “These really are pretty.”

 

“When we were kids, you said they were your favourites.”

 

“I think they still are,” Sakura says absently.  “I can’t believe you remember that.  It makes me wish I could keep them again.”

 

“Then why can’t you?”  Naruto fights to suppress the childishness in his voice.  “Not those, but I’ll buy you some more.”

 

“It’s not that I don’t want to.  I just can’t expect Sasuke to come back with camellias around.”  Sakura offers an apologetic smile.  “He’ll use them as another reason to avoid me.”

 

“Since when did Sasuke ever need a reason?”

 

“Since I won’t let him skip out on me without a good one.”  Sakura peers down at the flowers in her arms.  “Honestly, I doubt Sasuke appreciates what I’m trying to do, but I truly believe Sasuke—he needs this.  I don’t—I couldn’t do anything last time, but now…now I know I can.”

 

Naruto frowns at Sakura.  “What are you talking about?”

 

“I think Sasuke feels like he did the last time before he left.  It’s easier to see it now, and I don’t want him to feel alone when he doesn’t have to.”

 

“But he’s not.  We finally got him back.  He’s with us now.  He’s home.  Why should he still feel that way?”

 

“You can’t just expect things to fall back into place, Naruto.  Either you have to work for them or realise that sometimes things…change.  I’m finally beginning to understand that.  And Sasuke is, too, if he’s willing to let me help him.”

 

“It’s not like he makes himself available.  It’s hard to help him when he doesn’t want to reach out to anyone.”

 

“That’s the kind of person Sasuke is.  But just because Sasuke doesn’t reach out to anyone, doesn’t make it okay to brush him aside.”

 

 “I didn’t forget about Sasuke.”  Naruto runs a hand through his hair.  “I wasn’t…”

 

“I didn’t say you were, but you don’t see him anymore, Naruto.  The way Sasuke…”  Sakura shakes her head, brings the camellias under her nose.  “You know, I’d almost forgotten how much I used to love these.”  Closing her eyes, she releases a slow breath.  “How much I still do.”

 

 “You still like them?  Even if they’re not…”

 

“Of course I do.  I’ve been feeling so tired lately.  If I didn’t have the next few days off, I’d probably have to check myself in.”  A faint sound, Sakura laughs at her own joke, but Naruto can’t find it within himself to laugh with her.  “I can’t even begin to say how happy seeing these has made me.  That you’d even remember something like this, that means a lot to me.  You’re—you’re a really good friend, Naruto.   Thank you.”

 

This time, the smile Sakura gives Naruto creates a lump that catches in his throat.  It threatens to distort his own smile, but despite the disappointment he feels at Sakura’s words, Naruto does his best to hide it, stretching the corners of his mouth so wide it hurts enough to distract him from the pain in his chest.

 

...

 

Naruto thinks he’s a mature person.  At least he can be when he puts his mind to it.  He can handle rejection, even if it’s not outright.  Rejection is a part of life, Iruka liked to say, still says from time to time, and while Sakura didn’t exactly say it herself, Naruto didn’t need her to spell it out for him.

 

So he wipes at eyes that haven’t been anything but dry and does what any other person in his position would do.

 

He goes out to drink.

 

Reasoning that Friday is only two days away from Sunday, Naruto drags Kiba back to the bar they always go to with the sole purpose of drowning himself in alcohol without actually getting drunk.

 

Surprisingly, Kiba follows Naruto without the use of physical persuasion on Naruto’s part.  Yet Kiba makes up for the odd act of compliance by complaining to Naruto the whole way there.  In theory, it doesn’t take long to get to the bar.  It’s a couple of blocks past the weapons shop not far from where Naruto lives, although the short trip is made that much longer with Kiba going on and on about Naruto keeping him from spending his much needed time with Ino.  However, when Naruto offers to pay for anything Kiba orders—within reason, he adds—Kiba is quick to shut up about Ino and his seemingly perfect, lovely-dovey relationship with her that Naruto knows he’ll probably never have with Sakura.

 

“We were going to go on Sunday anyway,” Kiba says when asked why he changed his mind, and Naruto gives him a particularly harsh shove forward that almost causes Kiba’s face to connect with the pavement.

 

The bar is right across from the old abandoned building nobody wants to spend the money and time to fix.  It’s on the right side of the small convenience store that closes at six every day, hidden in the narrow alley marked by the short horizontal banner almost too high to see and decorated with fading characters on the verge of becoming illegible.

 

Except for the distinct lack of female company, it’s the kind of hole-in-the-wall joint with no name that Jiraiya would have loved.  Relatively cheap and one of the few places that stays open late, the bar’s only redeeming feature may be the big round and red paper lantern that never stays lit past eleven at night even though the place stays open until two in the morning.  Which, of course, says a lot, considering the kind of guy Jiraiya was, but Naruto lets the stark sound of Kiba’s voice drown out thoughts of his late mentor. 

 

He came here to pretend to be drunk, despite the very definite likelihood of him not being able lose any inhibitions whatsoever with the luxury of not having to remember doing anything stupid the next time he gains consciousness.  Thinking about Jiraiya goes against why Naruto dragged Kiba out here in the first place.

 

“So Sakura didn’t like the flowers?” Kiba says.

 

“No, she loved the flowers.  But apparently I’m just a friend.”  Naruto snorts into his sake.  “A really good friend.”

 

“Ouch.”  Kiba offers a sympathetic glance that disappears when the bartender refills his glass.  “But hey—no harm, no foul, right?”

 

“If you say so.”

 

“Eh, it could have been worse.  At least Sasuke left beforehand.  Suppose Sasuke saw Sakura turning down the same flowers you almost killed him with?  Now that would have been really emba—”

 

“Kiba, if I’m paying for you tonight, can you at least make sure my money’s going to good use?”

 

“Excuse me for trying to look on the bright side.”

 

“Listen, I’m not paying for you so you can be optimistic.  That’s not helping me.  You suck at it.  And if you expect not to cover that bill tonight, I can’t afford for you to be unhelpful.  I’m doing this because I need you to cheer me up.”

 

“Right,” Kiba says quickly, wiping both hands on a napkin.  He rubs his knuckles over his chest and clears his throat.  “What I meant to say was, it’s all Sasuke’s fault.  Trying to make a move on Sakura.  Getting in your way and messing up the flowers you didn’t buy for him.  That—that...”

 

After a few seconds, when the act of watching Kiba think gets too painful, Naruto says, “Bastard.”

 

“Yeah, bastard.  That’s what I was looking for.  Okay, hold on—let me try it again.”  Kiba sniffs and throws his napkin on the floor, watches it roll beneath his chair.  He glares—or whatever he thinks is supposed to be a glare—at the napkin, but it looks like he’s sulking more than anything else.  “That… _bastard_.”

 

“…do me a favour, Kiba.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Don’t ever try to cheer me up again.”

 

“It wasn’t good?”  The distress on Kiba’s face almost makes Naruto feel bad about putting him down.

 

Almost.

 

But not really.

 

“Could you tell I was going for an impression of you?” Kiba says.  “I don’t think it came out whiny enough, but I can always try again if you want.”

 

Groaning, Naruto lets his head fall on the counter with a loud thud that makes the dishes around him rattle. 

 

...

 

It isn’t until a week later and the day before he’s supposed to meet Kiba at the bar again that Naruto begins to take Sakura’s words into consideration.

 

She said Sasuke still feels alone, but it’s hard for Naruto to imagine how Sasuke can.  For the last year, Sasuke’s been staying with Kakashi, who was appointed—or volunteered, as Kakashi likes to say whenever he’s in the mood to annoy Sasuke—as Sasuke’s legal guardian since Sasuke had come back to Konoha.

 

Being surrounded by people who readily accept him, people who acknowledge and care about him, Naruto can’t get how Sasuke can take something so special for granted, especially when it’s the kind of thing Naruto secretly strives to never be without again.

 

But it doesn’t mean he won’t try.

 

Of all people, Naruto understands what it’s like to be lonely.  He just didn’t realise the possibility of Sasuke still feeling that way.  It’s not like he expected everything to go back to normal when Sasuke came back.  Maybe a little bit at first, but only because it was easier to believe Sasuke’s return could cancel out all the things that happened in the time after he’d left.  However, as much as he misses those days, prefers to remember about that time, Naruto also knows there are certain lines that can’t be uncrossed.

 

Although in retrospect, Naruto may have committed himself to the cause too soon.  A trip to the convenience store provides the proverbial catalyst to set things in motion, and not long after declaring he’d try to patch up his relationship with Sasuke, Naruto runs into him.

 

He doesn’t mean to do it.  While he hasn’t really thought that far ahead yet, he knows this isn’t how he wants to do it.  The step of actually approaching Sasuke isn’t supposed to be in Naruto’s plans until after he talks to Kiba about what he should do.  It’s way too soon because he’s not ready to do it.  He doesn’t even know what to say.  Yet the sight of Sasuke’s retreating back compels him to follow and provokes an urgency that makes Naruto call out Sasuke’s name.

 

Sasuke keeps walking.  He doesn’t waste time pretending he didn’t hear Naruto shouting for him from across the street.  Naruto jogs to catch up, meeting Sasuke at the intersection by the convenience store. 

 

“Hey, Sasuke, I—”  When Sasuke still doesn’t stop, Naruto cuts him off before he can reach the corner.  “Wait a second.  I’m trying to—”

 

“What do you want?”

 

“Is it a crime to say hi to someone?”

 

“For you, it should be.”  The small bag Sasuke’s holding, he switches it from his left hand to his right, placing it away from Naruto.  “You shoved those flowers in my face the last time I saw you.”

 

 “Yeah, about that.”  Naruto gives a nervous chuckle.  “Sakura said you were okay.  She told me it wasn’t bad, but I’m sorry for —”

 

Sasuke doesn’t stay to hear Naruto finish his apology.  He goes around him, heading in the direction that leads to Kakashi’s place.  Surprisingly, he doesn’t say anything when Naruto falls in step with him.

 

“So…” Naruto begins.  His hands find the pockets of his jacket, and his fingers pick at the smooth material of the lining.  “What have you been up to lately?”

 

“Why do you want to know?”

 

“I’m curious,” Naruto says with a shrug.  “That’s all.”

 

Sasuke stops to stare at Naruto.  “Did Sakura put you up to this?” 

 

“She—I mean, no—no.  This is all my idea.  Sakura might have said something, but that doesn’t—”

 

 “Since when do you talk to me?” 

 

“Since we’re friends.  And that’s what friends do.  Talk to each other.”

 

“You haven’t talked to me in months,” Sasuke says.  “Now you decide you’re interested in what I’ve been doing?”

                                                                                          

“It wasn’t…like that.”

 

“Like what?  Tell me what it wasn’t like, Naruto.”

 

“I’ve been busy, all right.  When I saw you at Sakura’s apartment, I realised I kind of missed us.”

 

“There isn’t anything to miss,” Sasuke hisses.  “If Sakura’s riding your ass about what happened last week, don’t use me to get off your little guilt trip.  What you choose to do, those decisions are on you.  I don’t have anything to do with them.”

 

“Not if it’s about you.”

 

“This isn’t about me.  This is about Sakura.  If she hadn’t said anything, you wouldn’t be here.  Just because you can’t accept the fact she rejected you, doesn’t mean—”

 

“You’re a real bastard,” Naruto snarls, takes a step towards Sasuke.  “But you know that already, right?  Don’t bring Sakura into this.  She has nothing to do with it.  I’m just trying to be nice.”

 

“I didn’t ask you to be nice.  I’m not some charity case.”

 

“I never said you were.”

 

“Then don’t treat me like one.  Stop walking around me like I’m going to...”

 

“I’m not trying to treat you like…that, but how am I supposed to be around you?  I don’t know what to say to you without you—”

 

“Without me what?”

 

“There.  Right there, Sasuke.  Without you coming back at me like that.”

 

“Like what?  I don’t see you for months, and you expect me to act like nothing’s changed?”

 

“Well, you could have come to me, too, you know.”

 

“No matter what you say, we’re not friends, Naruto.  We never were.  If anything, it’s a convenience.  Don’t try to make it into something it’s not.”

 

“Stop saying that.  You’re here, but I don’t see you, and it’s like you hang around everyone else except me,” Naruto says.  “Tenten and Lee see you more than me.  Kiba sees you more than me.  You hang around Sai more than me.”

 

“We had one mission together.”

 

“Okay, but that still doesn’t explain it because Sai doesn’t even know you.”

 

“Then spend time getting to know Sai if you’re so worried about the guy.  If it’s better for you to—”

 

“I’m not talking about Sai,” Naruto bites out.  “And I’m not comparing you to him.  You’re not Sai.  You’re Sasuke.”

 

“I know who I am, Naruto.”  Fingers tightening around his bag, Sasuke stares at Naruto with dull eyes.  “But you sure as hell don’t know me.”

 

The corner of Sasuke’s mouth begins to lift.  It takes over his blank expression, stretches across his skin, like the invisible marks from Orochimaru’s cursed seal that Naruto can still see.  The memory taints the Sasuke in front of him with an image of the Sasuke he doesn’t care to remember, and Naruto grits his teeth, balling his fist to keep it away from Sasuke’s cheek.

 

It’s a waste of energy when the smirk already mars Sasuke’s face.                                                  

 

...

 

It never fails to amaze Naruto how fast word travels through Konoha.  The scene he and Sasuke caused yesterday isn’t exempt.  He’s already gotten a mouthful from Sakura, although she seems to have forgotten about the incident with him accidentally looking at her breasts.  Not that this is better, but at least Naruto doesn’t have to shoulder the blame by himself.

 

Despite the continuous ringing in his right ear that sounds like a faint echo of Sakura’s voice, Naruto’s content to be partially—hopefully temporarily—deaf with the knowledge that Sasuke probably has the same ringing in one of his ears, too.

 

Yet the embarrassment only starts to settle in when Kiba brings it up.  Sasuke’s name is the first thing out of Kiba’s mouth as soon as Naruto walks through the open door of the dingy little bar.  Except for two, the ten or so seats usually empty are taken, and the atmosphere tonight feels suspiciously crowded.

 

“The way people are talking about it,” Kiba says, “I’m surprised you two didn’t go at it right then and there.”

 

Naruto lowers his head and wraps his fingers around the cold bottle of beer waiting for him when he sat down.  He’s ashamed to admit he came too close to fighting with Sasuke.  Whether it would have ended up one-sided or not, Naruto knows at that moment, if he hadn’t walked away, he would have punched Sasuke not because he wanted to make a point, but because he actually wanted to hurt him.

 

Softly, Naruto says, “We almost did.”                                                                      

 

“So why the sudden interest in Sasuke?”  Kiba looks at the plate being brought to their section of the counter.  Neither he nor Naruto make a move to touch it.  “It’s not part of that plan, is it?”

 

“No.  I gave up on that when you said to go with the flowers.”

 

Kiba sighs but looks relieved.  “I guess that’s one less stupid thing for you to do.”

 

“Like you’re any better.”

 

Kiba grins.  “Ino says I am.”

 

“Ino doesn’t have a choice.  She has to say that because she likes you enough to put up with Akamaru.”

 

“Hey—”

 

“Seriously, though, it wasn’t that bad of an idea.  At least it sort of made sense at the time.”

 

“That sounds like the kind of thing you have to tell yourself often.”  Kiba reaches for a fried octopus ball from the plate.  He pops it into his mouth. 

 

“Anyway,” Naruto says, “Sakura said some things that day, and it made me think about how much time I don’t spend with Sasuke, the last time I’d seen Sasuke—you realise you see him more than I do, right?”

 

“And like I told you, I’m trying to fix that.  So if you could help me with—”

 

“Kiba…”

 

“Lighten up, would you.  I know you weren’t your best yesterday, but Sunday is our night.  Don’t start getting defensive on me about Sasuke. ”

 

“I’m not getting defensive about Sasuke.”

 

“Yeah, sure, okay,” Kiba says dismissively.  “Just do one thing for me, Naruto.”

 

“What?”

 

“Sit back, relax…”  Kiba slouches in his chair.  “And let the alcohol carry you through the night.”

 

“You know that doesn’t work for me.”  Naruto sighs and stabs an octopus ball with one of his chopsticks.  He holds the octopus ball up to the dim light.  It spins and stops and spins again while Naruto continues to examine it, rubbing the chopstick in his hand between his thumb and forefinger.  “You know how much I wish it did.”

 

“Just try to enjoy the ride, my friend.”  Lifting his beer, Kiba tips it towards Naruto then takes a long swig.  He sets the bottle on the counter and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.  “Try to enjoy the ride.”

 

...

 

And try to enjoy it, Naruto does.  The meagre supply of alcohol in his system doesn’t even last the next day, but he pretends that it does, lets the buzz he can’t really feel carry him all the way to Thursday.

 

He doesn’t believe it for a second.  Until he changes his mind on Wednesday, because then it does seem to work.  That or it’s a case of mind over matter, which is a reasonable conclusion to come to.  Either way, Naruto needs something to explain whatever the hell it is that was able to convince him camping out in front of Sasuke’s old house is a good idea.

 

He can practically hear the slap of Kiba’s palm leaving a red mark on his forehead, feel the knots Sakura’s itching to give with her fist, or her elbow, or her knee—whichever is closest to the back of Naruto’s head when she decides to hit him.  If Sasuke caught him snooping around, Naruto doesn’t even want to imagine what he’d do.

 

It’s a couple of hours until he loses daylight, which makes the decision to do something like this seem only a little less shameless.  Likewise, it becomes just as impulsive, if not downright disturbing, although Naruto can argue he, Sakura, and Sasuke did the same thing to Kakashi.

 

Numerous times.

 

While he won’t argue he should know better because he’s older, it doesn’t change the fact that they used to and still do things like this on a regular basis.  Consequently, neither Sakura nor Sasuke can call Naruto out for doing it now.

 

He is a ninja after all.

 

Unfortunately, Naruto can’t really see anything from here, so he waits out the silent battle between his curiosity and that thing called self-preservation, with that thing called self-preservation winning by a landslide.  The bush he’s hiding behind doesn’t provide much cover, but it’s at a safe enough distance that will give him time to escape Sasuke’s possible wrath if the need arises.

 

What Naruto can see from his position isn’t very much.  It looks like all the lights in the house are on, which doesn’t necessarily mean anything, but he knows Sasuke’s there.  He can detect some kind of movement even if his binoculars aren’t capable of showing him exactly where Sasuke is.

 

The house itself isn’t that big, but neither is it something Naruto can do a full scope on with one glance.  At best, it’s a lot of space to hold the kinds of memories that have the power to maybe one day keep Sasuke locked inside.

 

Although Sasuke’s living with Kakashi for the time being, he stops by the house he used to live in every once in a while.  However, when Naruto asked Kakashi earlier today where Sasuke was, he learned the cause for Sakura’s concern about Sasuke, who, Kakashi said, had started going to the house more often.

 

“What are you doing?” comes an entirely too calm voice from Naruto’s left.

 

Instead of being startled, Naruto shushes the newcomer.

 

“I said,” the voice continues, “what you are doing?”  The owner of the voice obviously doesn’t realise Naruto’s trying to be secretive, all but giving away Naruto’s location by making so much noise beside him. 

 

 “Spying on Sasuke,” Naruto says, annoyed.  “Obviously.  What does it look like I’m doing?”

 

But then he blinks and remembers that he’s supposed to be alone.  It kind of defeats the purpose of spying if he’s been seen.  Funny, the voice sounds suspiciously like—

 

“You’re spying on me?” Sasuke snarls.

 

Eyes wide, Naruto emits a squeak, a high-pitched sound he will never admit to making.  The binoculars drop from his hands, and he jumps back.  He trips over his feet, lands on the ground.  Scrambling to stand, he’s immediately wary of the dark look in Sasuke’s eyes. 

 

Yet he’s caught off guard when he recognises the bandana wrapped around Sasuke’s forehead.  Keeping the hair out of his eyes, it’s the same one Sasuke was wearing when he was helping Sakura clean her apartment.  The worn looking shirt and the sweatpants Sasuke has on aren’t helping Naruto take Sasuke seriously, either.  The outfit makes Sasuke look everything else except intimidating.

 

Or maybe just a little less intimidating than usual.

 

“No, it’s not like that.”  At Sasuke’s flat look, Naruto says, “Okay, so it’s exactly like that, but I swear—”

 

Hard, Sasuke’s punches Naruto in the stomach.  Naruto’s eyes bulge at the impact.  Saliva splutters out of his mouth, trails down his chin.  His body starts to cave forward and he stumbles, bent over but doing all in his power not to fall.  Rasping, he tries to hack up a cough and makes a choking noise when he swallows the saliva Sasuke just forced out.

 

Sasuke curls his lips in disgust.  He raises his leg and quickly uses his foot to knock Naruto to the ground.  He plants the bottom of his sandal on Naruto’s head, putting almost enough force behind it to crush Naruto’s skull. 

 

A muffled noise that sounds like bastard escapes Naruto, made with an admirable amount of effort considering the projectiles of dirt flying from his mouth.  Then, in a puff of smoke, Naruto disappears.

 

Sasuke snorts, readjusts the bandana on his forehead.  “Come out, Naruto.”

 

The real Naruto gulps when Sasuke’s eyes land on him.  “Did you know that wasn’t me?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Then why’d you have to be so…”

 

“So what?”

 

“So cruel,” Naruto whimpers.

 

“I have every right to do what I did.”  Sasuke’s eyes narrow.  “Not only are you trespassing, but apparently your stupid ass was too chickenshit to knock.”

 

“Of course I was.  Especially when I knew there was a chance of you pulling off that kind of crap.  You do realise what you did, right?  What if that was actually me?”

 

Bringing his fingers to his head, Sasuke makes circular motions into his temples.  “I knew it wasn’t you.”               

 

“And that’s supposed to make me feel better how?”

 

“Then you shouldn’t have been trying to spy on me.  Unless you want to end up like that clone.”

 

Naruto winces.  Sasuke knew damn well Naruto was watching him, but Naruto won’t let Sasuke’s sadistic side put a damper on the reason why he came here.  “I just wanted to check on you and see what you were doing.”

 

“I don’t need you to check on me.”  Sasuke grabs the collar of Naruto’s jacket and tugs him forward.  “What I’m doing isn’t any of your business.”

 

“I heard how much you keep coming back here.  I don’t know about Kakashi, but Sakura’s really worried about you.  Like it or not, now you’ve got me in on it, too.”  Naruto doesn’t back down from the scrutiny in Sasuke’s gaze.  He stares right back.  “And it’s only trespassing if I’m not allowed to come here anymore.”

 

After a moment of silence, Sasuke sighs.  “Fine.  Since I know you’re not going to leave it alone, you can help me.”  He lets go of Naruto’s jacket and shoves Naruto backwards.  “Next time use the door.  Or what I’m doing will be the last thing on your mind.”

 

Naruto quirks his lips as Sasuke walks away.  He reaches down to pick up his fallen binoculars and follows Sasuke to the house.

 

...

 

His back hurts in places where it shouldn’t.  His thighs ache like he’s been squeezing something between his legs since the beginning of time.  There’s a pain in his backside he’s never felt before, the kind of pain there’s no excuse for him to be feeling at all, and Naruto resolves to return the favour if Sasuke ever does this to him again.

 

He didn’t know Sasuke was capable of being so demanding, so gruelling—making Naruto bend over for no reason other than to see him on his hands and knees.

 

Who knew Sasuke could be such a slave driver?

 

Lying on his back, Naruto stretches out on the floor and wonders why Sasuke’s family couldn’t have had a smaller house like normal, decent cleaning-fearing people.  Or why Sasuke couldn’t be a normal, decent cleaning-fearing person like the rest of society.

 

Forcing the air out his lungs, Naruto lets the muscles he’s not used to using rest for the first time in what seems like ages.  He reaches for the red bandana tied around his forehead that Sasuke is letting him borrow, hand making the attempt to take off the piece of cloth that hindered more than helped, but his arm falls back to the floor as soon as he tries to raise it.

 

It may have been a brutal way to go, but now Naruto’s convinced his clone got the better deal.  Being quickly put out of his misery is preferable to staying up all night cleaning, polishing and then waxing (which Naruto still doesn’t believe are two different things, despite Sasuke’s insistence) a seemingly endless stretch of hardwood floor—with Sasuke following his every move, not in the least bit reserved about pointing out whatever it was that Naruto wasn’t doing right.

 

If he never knew the extent of Sasuke’s vindictive nature before, Naruto can now appreciate his previous ignorance.

 

As soon as he walked through the door, Sasuke threw some old pants and a t-shirt at him.  He told Naruto he had two minutes to get changed and then get to work.  At first, Naruto objected.  Sasuke hadn’t said anything about cleaning.  Then there was the fact that Sasuke had gotten those clothes so quickly, which Naruto wanted to know about, but he was silenced by Sasuke’s glare.  Any further need to complain was taken care of by Naruto’s own guilty conscience.

 

“So this is what you do here,” Naruto said, taking in the expanse of the house.  If Sasuke spent all his time here cleaning, it didn’t even look like he’d begun to scratch the surface.  He wondered how Sasuke even found the time.

 

“Yes.”

 

“By yourself?”

 

“Who else would help?”                                                                                                                                    

 

“Sasuke, I…I didn’t know.  If I knew, I would have—”

 

“Done nothing.  It wouldn’t have changed anything.”

 

“But I—”

 

“Don’t make a big deal out of something like this.  I’d rather do it by myself anyway.”

 

You’re letting me help, Naruto wanted to say, almost did say, but he didn’t try to bring the subject up again.

 

Accompanied by a chorus of grunts and incoherent grumbles, all on Naruto’s part, they worked well into the early hours.  The moment Sasuke allowed him to stop, Naruto immediately conked out on the floor, vaguely aware of Sasuke lying down beside him.

 

Although he woke up sore, Naruto’s grateful Sasuke let him sleep through the rest of the night.  He can’t complain about not having a blanket since it’s already so warm.  There’s a pillow under his head, too, though.  It’s a really nice one that makes Naruto not want to move, but the softness of the pillow is undermined by the fact Sasuke let him to sleep on the very hard floor.

 

He looks up without lifting his head, looks out the large window that seems strange without the curtains he saw Sasuke take down last night.  It’s close to dawn, and Naruto can see the sun if he squints.  He can make out a haze of light in the distance, just below the horizon.

 

It’s still dark, though, so he has to wait for his pupils to adjust to the lack of light.  Sluggish, he turns on his side and rests his cheek against the pillow.  He frowns when he notices Sasuke’s no longer lying beside him.  Out of the corner of his eye, he can make out a shape sitting against the wall by the door. 

 

Feet flat on the floor, Sasuke’s legs are open, spread apart the width of his shoulders.  His arms are hanging over his knees.  His chin is tilted up, and the back of his head is touching the wall.

 

Naruto lies still.  He doesn’t want to wake Sasuke if he’s asleep, doesn’t want to disturb the almost comfortable quiet between them if he’s not.

 

Sasuke answers the unspoken question, but his voice doesn’t reach Naruto.

 

Almost.

 

“Go back to sleep, Naruto.”

 

“Sasuke…”

 

Naruto wants to ask why Sasuke sounds so far when he’s only on the other side of the room.  He wants Sasuke to speak again, just to make sure he’s really there, but Naruto’s eyelids begin to droop.  His head feels heavy, sinks further into the pillow.  He tries to reach out to Sasuke with an arm that won’t leave the floor, but it’s easier not to fight his body’s demands.

 

When he opens his eyes again, Naruto sees Sasuke standing above him, wearing a white towel around his neck and holding a red towel in his arm.

 

“Here,” Sasuke says, dropping the red towel on Naruto.

 

The towel lands smack-dab on his face, and Naruto pushes it aside with one hand.  He makes a face at the tiny pieces of lint stuck to his tongue and spits them out.  Looking up, he peers at Sasuke with unfocused eyes.  “What was that for?”

 

“Go take a shower.”

 

Naruto licks his lips and swallows, still feeling groggy from sleep.  “A shower?”

 

Sasuke wrinkles his nose.  “You smell.”

 

“Yeah, that’s really the first thing I want to hear in the morning.”  Groaning, Naruto sits up.  He crosses his legs and places the towel on his lap.  Scratching his head, he tries again to get the dry feeling out his mouth.  Hopefully, Sasuke has an extra toothbrush he can borrow.

 

“I already ate, but I’ll make something else if you’re…”  Sasuke presses his lips together.  He pulls the white towel from around his neck and turns away, facing the kitchen, but not before Naruto catches a glimpse of the uncertainty in Sasuke’s eyes.  “When you’re finished with the shower.”

 

Slowly, Naruto nods his head, fully aware Sasuke isn’t able to see it.  Sasuke doesn’t move.  He doesn’t say anything else.  He just stands there.  Yet there’s something about the way he’s standing, the clear tension in his shoulders that makes it seem like he’s expecting Naruto to do something.  Naruto, however, doesn’t know if it’s okay to do anything at all.

                                                                                                                                                                                     

“Don’t hurt yourself trying to get up,” Sasuke sneers.  The white towel falls on the floor, forgotten when Sasuke clenches his fists and turns back around to glare at Naruto.  “If you don’t want to be here, just say it.  Nobody’s forcing you to stay.”

 

The severity of Sasuke’s voice jolts Naruto into attention.  He stumbles over his feet trying to stand, dragging the red towel in his hand over the floor.

 

 “No, I’m hungry,” Naruto rushes out.  On cue, there’s a rumble from his stomach.  “See?  You heard it, right?  I promise you I’m hungry.  Just let me—”

 

In his haste, Naruto trips over the towel and falls face down of the floor.

 

He releases a pitiful moan that produces no less than a sigh and a softly muttered dumbass from Sasuke.

 

“My nose hurts,” Naruto says, voice muffled by the panel of wood his mouth is smashed against.  He doesn’t think he can move.  Or rather, he doesn’t want to risk finding out what else hurts if he does.  He listens to Sasuke’s footsteps instead.  Being this close to the floor, the sound is magnified, feels like it’s vibrating through his body, and Naruto counts how many steps it takes for Sasuke reach him.

 

The tapping of Sasuke’s feet gets louder, three more steps, and when Sasuke stop moving, Naruto lifts his head a centimetre or two from the floor.

 

Sasuke’s toes poke Naruto in the side, and Naruto snorts, almost chokes on the laughter he’s trying to hold in because the touch tickles.  From Naruto’s stomach, the foot moves to hover just above Naruto’s head.

 

While Naruto can smell for himself that Sasuke’s clean, the placement of Sasuke’s foot and Naruto’s position on the floor is a little too reminiscent of yesterday’s scene between Sasuke and Naruto’s clone.

 

“Okay, don’t try to squish me.”  Naruto rolls away from the foot looming over his head, miraculously cured from the slight pain in his nose and all his aches from earlier.  “I’m up—I’m up.  I’m getting up.”

 

Sasuke rolls his eyes but puts his foot back on the floor.

 

Grinning, Naruto grabs the red towel and nearly trips again on the way out of the room.  He sprints down the hallway, skidding to a halt in front of the second door on the left.

 

...

 

The soreness from yesterday still hasn’t gone away despite the momentary relief induced by Sasuke’s foot over his head, and Sunday Naruto enters the bar with a slight limp that has Kiba snickering as soon as he starts to wave Naruto over.  Up until now, no one’s said anything.  Naruto’s tried hard to keep anyone from noticing.  Of course Kiba has to be the one person who does.

 

“Yeah, yeah.”  Gingerly, Naruto takes a seat, lets out a sigh.  He makes a crude gesture with his finger.  “Laugh it up while you can, dog-breath.”

 

“I don’t even want to ask.”

 

“Then don’t.”

 

“Unless it’s something I want to know.”

 

“I doubt it.”  Naruto leans over on the counter.  His head falls on top of his arms.  “It’s not like I’m that messy, but who knew spending so much time on the floor could be so…tiring?”

 

“Oh.”  Kiba exaggerates the smile already on his face, almost turns it into a leer.  “So _that’s_ what you were doing.”

 

“Don’t even.”  Naruto reaches for the glass of sake the bartender places in front of him, but he doesn’t pick it up.  “I stayed over at Sasuke’s old house.  Bastard made me help him clean after I tried to check on him.  And can you believe we still didn’t finish?”

 

“That’s right,” Kiba says, using a toothpick to clean in between his teeth.  “All this time, since he came back, Sasuke’s been staying with Kakashi, hasn’t he?”

 

Naruto opens his mouth to speak but pauses and closes it.  He nods. 

 

“It must feel good to finally be able to move out, especially for someone like him.  Even if hasn’t been that long.  I know Sakura already left her parents’ place, but I don’t think I’m ready to take that step.”

 

Naruto slides his glass to the edge of the counter, uncomfortable at the fact Kiba reminded him of something he shouldn’t have forgotten.  Suddenly, Sasuke’s increasingly frequent visits to his old house make sense.  “…it doesn’t seem like something you should rush into.”

 

Scratching his head, Kiba chuckles.  “You’re probably one of the few people who agree with me.  But—hey—are you helping Sasuke move out?  Since you said you’re trying to spend more time with him and all.”

 

 “Something like that.”

 

“If it were up to me, I wouldn’t bother with that kind of place.  It must be creepy spending so much time there all alone.  I don’t know how Sasuke’s going to live there.  But I guess that kind of thing can’t be helped, you know.”

 

“…yeah.”  Naruto frowns, stares into his glass still full of sake.  “I guess it can’t.”

 

...

 

At the sound of crunching grass, Naruto opens his eyes.  He closes them again, folds his hands beneath his head.  He already knows who it is.

 

“Why are you here?” Sasuke says.

 

“Because.”

 

“Because?”

 

“Mm-hmm,” Naruto says. “Plan on standing there all night?”  When he doesn’t allow himself to see, it’s easier to listen, and Naruto bites back a smile when he hears Sasuke take hesitant steps towards him.

 

He peers at Sasuke with one eye opened, watches Sasuke sit down.

 

Left leg extended, Sasuke pulls the other one to his chest.  He places his right arm around his ankle, brings his left hand around and grabs three fingers from his right hand.

 

Naruto turns his head away and hopes Sasuke didn’t catch him staring.  “You should lie down.”

 

“I’m fine like this.”

 

“You used to lie down.”

 

Sasuke grunts but doesn’t move.

 

“Have you been coming here since you came back?”

 

“Sometimes,” Sasuke says, and Naruto doesn’t miss the reluctance in his voice.

 

“Alone?”

 

“I didn’t expect you to remember.”

 

“Sasuke…”  Naruto sits up and crosses his legs, places his arms on top of them.  His gaze turns to Sasuke, but Sasuke keeps staring ahead.

 

“It happens.  People forget.”

 

Naruto frowns.  “Except I’m not people.” 

 

“Yet you’re still a person.”

 

 “I couldn’t forget about this place, Sasuke.  This is our hill.”

 

“We don’t own it.”

 

“Well, it seemed like we were the only ones who knew about it.  We used to come here all the time, lie out here like this, doing nothing.  Watching everything.”

 

“It wasn’t all the time.”

 

“I’m over here trying to be thoughtful, and you want to spoil one of my good memories.  Let me remember it the way I want to, okay.”

 

Sasuke snorts.  He puts his arm over his knee and closes his eyes.  “Why’d you come here, Naruto?”

 

“You already asked me.  And I told you.”

 

“It’s more than because.  It can’t only be because with you.”

 

“If you think I was waiting for you, I wasn’t.  Something just told me to come here, so I came here.  You know how I am.”

 

Sasuke stays silent.

 

“It’s been a while for me, too, I guess, since I’ve been here,” Naruto says.  “And to be honest, I didn’t think you remembered about this place, either.”

 

“Does Sakura remember?”

 

“Have you told her about it?”

 

“Do you mean before or after I left?”

 

“Smartass.”  Naruto sucks his teeth.  His fingers play around a few blades of grass, start to pull them from the ground.  He lets them go.  “But if you didn’t tell Sakura, then she doesn’t know.  I never told her.”

 

Sasuke places his cheek against his arm, expression blank as his eyes meet Naruto’s.  “Why not?”

 

“I tried to explain it to her,” Naruto says, “maybe a few months after you left, but Sakura didn’t understand.  It didn’t make sense trying to bring her here after that.”

 

“What we were doing, there wasn’t a point to it.”

 

“Yeah, I know,” Naruto says, tilting his head towards the sky.  “But that’s what she couldn’t get.”

 

...

 

Breathing with his mouth wide open, Naruto wipes the sweat off his face, pushes the hair away from his forehead, because really, something like this shouldn’t be so much work.

 

It’s the middle of June.  There’s no reason to be directly under the sun when it’s four in the afternoon.  It’s the hottest time of the day, what it feels like at any rate, and Naruto would be surprised if the temperature was anything less than thirty-five degrees.

 

He took off his shirt sometime after two.  It was completely soaked through when he tossed it on the ground.  A wet mess that made a sickening mushy sound when it fell, the shirt’s almost completely dry now.

 

A week after he spent the night at Sasuke’s house, Naruto’s back here again.  Or at least in the general vicinity.  He and Sasuke are working on the fence today.  They began sanding down the east section early this morning, as soon as light broke out, finished a little after noon, and now they’re painting—staining, Sasuke corrected—the fence.

 

Initially, Naruto thought Sasuke only wanted to fix up his house to the point where he could live in it, which, even Naruto will admit, doesn’t make much sense.  In the end, cleaning and polishing then waxing floors is only a small part of Sasuke’s restoration project.  Sasuke doesn’t tell him, but by now, since the fence they’re painting surrounds way more than just Sasuke’s house, Naruto can safely conclude Sasuke plans on restoring the entire Uchiha district.

 

It’s daunting just thinking about it.  It’s a wonder how Sasuke ever thought he could do this by himself.  Never mind how Sasuke can afford it.

 

“Tired already?” Sasuke says, twisting off the cap to a bottle of water.

 

Thinking Sasuke’s trying to provoke him, Naruto almost says no, but he swallows, eyes trained on the bottle in Sasuke’s hand.  He doesn’t care where it came from.  He didn’t know Sasuke brought anything other than paint and paintbrushes and the bottles they already emptied.  All Naruto knows is that the way Sasuke downs the water is making him thirsty.  Watching the prominent lump on Sasuke’s throat bob up and down makes him realise he hasn’t had anything to drink in a couple of hours.

                                                                                                                                                                     

“No fair,” Naruto cries out.  “You see me drying up over here, and you’re not going to even share with me?  Am I not helping you?”

 

Sasuke reaches into the small bag he brought with him.  He flings a water bottle at Naruto, aiming it at Naruto’s forehead.

 

Naruto catches the bottle before it makes contact.  The plastic makes a crunching sound, compressed against his hand by the force of the impact, and Naruto sends a dry look Sasuke’s way.  “Thanks.”  He snorts.  “Thanks a lot.”

 

Three hours and five more water bottles emptied between them later, the sun starts to set.  Unfortunately, the heat isn’t setting with it, but he and Sasuke are almost halfway done.  Maybe.  If Naruto doesn’t look around him and pay too close attention to what they haven’t touched yet.  It’s easier to concentrate on what they managed to finish.

 

Something compels Naruto to look anyway.  The sight of what they still have left to do and the fact that he can’t even see all of it from where he stands, they’re both kind of demoralising.

 

“Why are we doing this again?” Naruto says.

 

Sasuke doesn’t look at Naruto.  He continues to paint, strokes long and meticulous against the length of the panel.  Slight flicks of Sasuke’s wrist hinge the controlled movement.  It’s precise, a little too careful for Naruto’s tastes.  Even more so when opposed to Naruto’s own preferred methods, it seems like Sasuke’s trying to make sure he erases all signs of the original state of the fence.

 

And maybe Sasuke is.  Relatively speaking, the fence is actually in pretty good condition, surprisingly after all these years.  It hasn’t rotted away.  It’s weathered down, of course, but it doesn’t look as neglected as the district it contains.

 

The light yellowish wood of the fence disappears beneath the bristles of Sasuke’s brush, transforms into a deep mahogany.

 

“You wouldn’t leave me alone,” Sasuke says. 

 

Naruto pulls on a sleeve of the jacket tied around his waist.  “Right.” 

 

He doesn’t know what possessed him to do something he’d rather not.  Being with Sasuke on their hill that night probably has a lot to do with it, too preoccupied with the memories it wouldn’t be so bad to recreate.  However, the resulting attempt feels more like a form of punishment he knowingly signed himself up for.

 

It’s not that he can’t do it.  He’s good at painting—staining.  Whatever Sasuke wants to call it, Naruto’s more than capable with a brush.

 

Experience lets him make quick strokes, gives him the ability to gauge the right amount of pressure for applying an even coat of stain on the wood.  He’d invested too much time attempting to mark his place in the world with the graffiti he later had to scrub off not to know how to do this.

 

Naruto sighs, makes the sound loud, overstated, and leans down to dip his brush into the small can of paint by his foot.  “Okay, sure, so I bothered you.  But why’d you have to work on the fence on this kind of day?”

 

Sasuke gives Naruto a sideways glance.  “Because it’s nice outside,” is the uninspired response.

 

“It’s hot, that’s what it is.”

 

 “Didn’t you offer to help me?”

 

“I know, but—”

 

“Then don’t complain.”

 

“You’re not making this easy for me.”

 

“Things like this aren’t supposed to be.”

 

“Things like what, Sasuke?”

 

“Watch what you’re doing,” Sasuke hisses. “That’s too much.” 

 

“Too much wh—damn it.”  Large globs of paint are dripping from Naruto’s brush, forming a growing puddle on the ground.  He wrenches the brush away from the fence and curses again when he sees the mess he left behind.  Long and uneven streaks of paint have already started to dry, sticking out over the coat Naruto took his time to apply.

 

Hurried, he looks around for the can of paint to put the brush in but knocks it over in his search.

 

“You stupid—”

 

“It was an accident,” Naruto scowls.  “Don’t yell at me for making a mistake.”

 

“If you were paying attention, you wouldn’t have made a mistake.”

 

“Well, at least I’m trying.  You can’t put me down for that.  You’re the one who thinks he can do this whole place by himself.”

 

Sasuke pauses and takes his brush away from the fence mid-stroke.  “Hurry and get the paint thinner before too much of it dries.”  He picks up from where he stopped, somehow able to make the interrupted stroke of paint look like one long continuous line.

 

Naruto takes a long inhale and picks up the can of stain he knocked over.  He puts his brush inside it.

 

“It’s over here,” Sasuke says, motioning to the can on his right.

 

It only takes a few minutes for Naruto to clean up the excess paint.  The dark spots on the ground he can’t get out, Naruto can see Sasuke trying to turn a blind eye to them, but he pretends to ignore the fact Sasuke won’t say anything about it and picks up his brush to redo the panel he messed up.

 

“I still say you should have let me use my clones,” Naruto mumbles.  “At least it’d go a lot faster that way.”

 

“Are you really still talking?”

 

...

 

He and Sasuke finish the fence by Saturday, which, Naruto thinks, isn’t bad at all.  Despite his initial griping, it only took them three days.  Of course those three days consisted of nonstop sanding and painting from before dawn until after dusk, but it was still three days nonetheless.

 

Bottle of water in hand, they sit with their backs against the fence and watch the sun set.  There’s a significance in the silence that follows.  It’s not the most comfortable silence, but it’s an agreeable silence that doesn’t come solely from being tired, and Naruto can finally say he’s beginning to make some kind of progress with Sasuke. 

 

In time, his visits to the Uchiha district become more frequent, intermittent between the nights they spend on their hill.  They don’t do much in the way of cleaning or painting, though.  During the day, while Sasuke gives him an inadvertent tour, Naruto helps him survey the overall damage done by time and neglect.

 

It’s a lot of ground to cover, really.  Konoha isn’t the smallest village by any means, but Naruto didn’t realise how expansive the Uchiha district is.  An idea of how many people died that night begins to fester in his mind, and the images Sasuke must see even outside of this place, Naruto starts to see them, too.

 

They inspect buildings and roads, leave marks on anything that needs to be fixed, jog down notes on what needs to be done to fix it and how it should be done—keep repeating until Sasuke’s satisfied every single imperfection is accounted for.

 

It takes a month, but eventually they come up with a somewhat cohesive plan to tackle the restoration.  Although it’s not something they’ll be able to accomplish in three days, Naruto doesn’t mind the idea of this as much as he did the process of staining the fence.

 

He and Sasuke are getting along now, which has a considerable influence on Naruto’s attitude.  It’s great, though.  It’s not the same relationship as before, yet Naruto can’t gauge if it’s better or worse.  It’s just him and Sasuke, and for now, that’s okay.  That they can fall so easily back into some semblance of the relationship they did have, Naruto can’t say what that means, but he isn’t sure it matters at all. 

 

Sakura doesn’t seem as worried about Sasuke anymore, Kakashi almost encourages Naruto’s interactions with Sasuke, and the routine starts to feel normal again, like the time before Sasuke’s leaving threw everything off-balance.

 

However, during the month they spent exploring the district, they haven’t been to Sasuke’s old house since the day they worked on the floors.  As far as Naruto can tell, counting only the time they spend together, Sasuke purposely avoids the house.  It makes him wonder how long Sasuke’s going to prolong moving out of Kakashi’s place, especially since he seems so eager not to stay with Kakashi.

 

In a way, Naruto’s glad—relieved, too, maybe.  There’s something oppressive about that house, somehow in a way different from the rest of the Uchiha district.  He can’t even imagine what it feels like for Sasuke, who actually has an attachment to it.  Even when not near the house, the more Naruto thinks about it, the more suffocating it feels. 

 

Like Kiba said, it’s creepy.  The decision to move there is ultimately up to Sasuke, but Naruto would rather share his cramped little apartment with Sasuke than see him live alone like that.

 

It scares Naruto, too.  Knowing the level of obsession Sasuke has with his family, it can’t be healthy how Sasuke hides it behind his usual indifference.

 

It starts to come to the surface, though, on the Tuesday Sasuke’s supposed to meet Naruto at his place.  The plan is to start working on a house that belonged to one of Sasuke’s cousins.  There’s not much to do.  They only need to replace the decaying planks of wood covered by the ripped tatami mats they also need to remove.  Then they can install new windows and paint over the walls.

 

After twenty minutes of waiting for Sasuke, Naruto goes to look for him.  He doesn’t bother asking Sakura or Kakashi.  He goes straight to the Uchiha district.  He calls out Sasuke’s name, not sure if he should expect Sasuke to respond.  It doesn’t take long for his casual pace to pick up, and Naruto’s running up and down deserted streets, weaving in and out of empty buildings.

 

By the time he reaches the last place he wants to look, Naruto’s throat is beginning to feel sore, and the soft whisper of Sasuke’s name sounds gruff.

 

None of the lights in Sasuke’s house are on.  It’s still morning, though.  Naruto can brush aside not turning on the lights.  But there’s no excuse for the immediate chill he feels before he even steps through the door that’s already wide open.

 

It’s pretty humid outside, yet it’s not so hot to require air cool enough to make Naruto shiver.  Air like this doesn’t feel natural.  Sasuke had to have set it so high, but why would Sasuke—

 

Naruto stills when he steps into the sitting room.  The first thing he notices is that all of the furniture is gone.  Not against the wall, where he helped Sasuke move it, but gone as in there’s no trace that any of it was ever there.

 

The sound of a soft scratching snaps his head to the source, and it’s near the corner of the room that Naruto finds Sasuke.

 

Nothing looks wrong with the floor.  The same floor he and Sasuke finished last month, it practically looks new, but there’s a certain area Sasuke’s bent over.  He’s on his knees, hair falling over his face, and in his hand is a scrunched up piece of cloth that keeps scrubbing at something Naruto can’t see.

 

“Sasuke…”  Naruto takes a few steps closer.  He doesn’t know how long he watches.  Hours, minutes, it all feels the same when Sasuke’s ignoring him.

 

Whatever Sasuke’s trying to get out, it can’t be anything more than dust.  Except he’s been going at it long enough that his knuckles are paler than the rest of his skin, so engrossed that he doesn’t even the notice the shadow over him.

 

The sight of Sasuke trying to remove the dust that won’t go away, it’s an inappropriate time for Naruto to think about the camellias Sakura doesn’t accept from him, but the understanding of her reason why hits him hard.

 

“Sasuke,” Naruto says softly.  He says it again, continues the mantra, gradually raising his voice until he’s nearly shouting the fifth time he says Sasuke’s name.

 

But it isn’t until he places a hand on Sasuke’s shoulder that Naruto gets his attention.

 

...

 

Tenten meets Naruto at the entrance of the main gate, spinning a kunai around her finger as she approaches him.

 

“You’re here early, before me even,” she says.  “Though I can’t say I expected to see you at all.  All those times you switched with someone else finally caught up to you, huh?”

 

Naruto gives Tenten a weak glare.  “You ratted me out to Tsunade, didn’t you?”

 

Tenten laughs and follows Naruto up the narrow stairs leading to the top of the gate.  “No, but I don’t think anyone needs to.  The Hokage knows you well enough by now.”

 

 “Unfortunately.”

 

“Yes, unfortunately.”

 

Naruto ignores the mock sympathy in Tenten’s voice.  “I don’t see what you have to smile about.  These aren’t the best kinds of hours.  Too early to be late.  Too late to be early.”

 

“So-so, I’d say.”  Tenten puts her kunai in the pouch around her waist.  She lifts herself on top of the gate, lets her legs hang over it as she looks down at Naruto.  “You rather Konoha be in some kind of peril?”

 

“…sometimes.”

 

“Naruto,” Tenten whispers, eyes wide in amusement.

 

“Kidding—I’m kidding,” Naruto says, but the smile he shares with Tenten is brief.  “I wouldn’t want that, but it seems like if I’m not on guard duty, then I’m doing paperwork for Tsunade.  I’m spending more time in Konoha than I can remember.  I don’t get assigned that many missions anymore.  And being out there, I miss it.”

 

“But that’s what someone who’s Hokage does, isn’t it?” Tenten says.  “Stays in Konoha.”

 

“Yeah, but…”

 

“And aren’t you learning more by staying here, so you can see what the Hokage does?”

 

“I am learning a lot from Tsunade,” Naruto says.  “Even if that part took some getting used to at first.  It’s my dream to be the next Hokage, but now that I’m getting closer to it…”

 

He should be happy.  And despite the new limitations and growing responsibilities, Naruto is happy.  That kind of thing comes with the territory of getting older.  Yet the years that once seemed to drag on forever now feel like they’re coming almost too quickly for him to keep up.  The only difference between this year and last year feels like a matter of days.  As much as Naruto doesn’t want to admit, it gets overwhelming.

 

Playful, Tenten points her finger at Naruto’s chest.  “Don’t start doubting yourself now.  You’re almost there.  It won’t take that much longer.”

 

Naruto ducks his head, trying to hide a blush.  He looks at Tenten with a wide grin.  “But shouldn’t that be even more reason for me not to be put on guard duty?”

 

“Well, everybody has to get assigned guard duty eventually.”   Tenten jumps down from the top of the gate, quiet when her feet touch the ground.  “Even someone in line to be the future Hokage.”

 

“It’s grumble work.”

 

“Grumble work that gets you paid.”

 

Naruto can’t disagree.  The wallet in his pocket keeps getting lighter by the week.  “But what did I ever do to deserve so much of it?”

 

“Um, let’s see.”  Tenten holds out her hand, tongue tracing the corner of her mouth as she begins to count with her fingers.  “Not completing all of your paperwork.  Not turning in said paperwork on time when you do complete it.  Using your personality to coerce others into switching their hours for guard duty with you.  Actively avoiding the low-ranked missions assigned to you.  Expressing a familiarity with the Hokage that borders on disrespect.  Calling the Hokage names like grandma or old lady or old maid.  In general, aggravating—”

 

 “Okay, okay,” Naruto cuts in before Tenten runs out of fingers, frowning when she fully extends a seventh finger.

 

“—the Hokage.”

 

Naruto makes a sour face.  “I think I get it.”

 

Tenten shrugs, but there’s a glint in her eyes and something really close to a smile on her face as she wriggles all of her fingers at Naruto.  “You did ask.”

 

...

 

“I heard you ditched me for guard duty with Tenten last week.”

 

“Only because I got lucky,” Naruto says.  “But it’s not like you’ve never ditched me for Ino before.”

 

“What can I say?”  The smile on Kiba’s face is ridiculously cheesy, and Naruto really doesn’t want to know what Ino did to inspire it.  “I can’t deny it if it’s true.”

 

“I think I’m too far gone with this place.”  Naruto groans.  “I actually missed coming here more than once a week.”

 

“You mean you missed me.”

 

“Yeah right.”

 

“You know you did.”  Kiba laughs and elbows Naruto in the side.  “And I got to say I missed hearing you complain about your relationship problems.”

 

“Spare me, Kiba.  You only cared on the days I was paying for you. ”

 

“Maybe a little bit more,” Kiba admits.  “But as long as you don’t ditch me for Sasuke, I can get used to Sundays again.  How’s that going anyway?  It’s been what—almost two months now?”

 

“A month and a half of cleaning and fixing things.”

 

“So you’re turning into a handyman now?  What’s so great about that?”

 

“It’s not…bad.”

 

“Yeah, but it can’t be that good, either, Mr. Limp-like-a-stick’s-been-shoved-up-his—”

 

“Would you stop that already?”  Naruto grimaces.  “If it wasn’t funny then, it’s not funny now.”

 

“Seeing you take the walk of shame?  Yeah, it was,” Kiba says.  “It still is.”

 

“Don’t even joke about that.”  Naruto scrunches his face, dips a piece of fried tofu into a small container of mayonnaise.  “That’s just…”

 

“I didn’t mean anything by it.”

 

“I know, but…”

 

“The way this is going, I’m starting to think you really do want to get into Sasuke’s pants.”

 

“No—what?  No.  We’re just catching up.  Stop trying to make it sound so perverted.  Me and Sasuke—we’re not like that.  I don’t even like guys that way.  And Sasuke—”

 

“Right.  Not like that guy can like anybody anyway.”

 

Naruto narrows his eyes.  “Don’t talk about Sasuke like that.”

 

“Calm down, Naruto.”  Kiba holds his hands out in front of him, mouth slanted in some sort of half frown.  “You never acted this way about Sasuke before.”

 

Naruto swallows the remainder of the fried tofu in his mouth.  “Sorry, I…” 

 

“I’m not taking it personally.”  Kiba lets his arms fall to the side and shrugs.  “I just want to know.  This thing between you and Sasuke, it seems kind of sudden, don’t you think?”

 

“Sasuke’s my friend, too, Kiba.  We might not be—we’re not the same like we used to be, but he’s still my friend.  I wouldn’t let anyone else talk about you that way, either.”

 

Kiba chuckles.  “Oh, but it’s okay for you talk about me that way, is it?”

 

“Yeah.”  Naruto’s grin is wide, grows wider when Kiba returns it with one of his own.  “Every time you’re being an ass.”

 

...

 

It’s amazing how the entirety of five years can be breached by the span of a couple of hours, how easy it is to pretend Sasuke never made that stupid decision to leave.  The gap between then and now seems to close in one day, and some part of Naruto wants to think that maybe this is what life would have been like if things didn’t happen the way they did. 

 

The episode of discovering Sasuke scrubbing at the floor of that too cold house fades into distant memory, along with other the kinds of conversations they silently agree to not bring up, and he and Sasuke make the seamless slip back into a relationship that’s supposed to promise no complications.

 

It’s supposed to be as simple as watching the sky, like they’re doing now and like Naruto said while trying to explain to Sakura the importance of something so seemingly trivial.  He meant what he told Sasuke.  Sakura just hadn’t been able to get it.

 

She didn’t take him seriously at first, seeing watching the sky as something more along the lines of Shikamaru’s train of thought, but it wasn’t Shikamaru Naruto wanted to share it with.  When he told Sakura that Sasuke watched the sky, too, she didn’t believe him then, either.  Sakura told Naruto it was silly, convinced Sasuke wouldn’t waste his time doing something when he could be training.

 

Naruto can laugh at the irony now, but it’s the irony that takes away from any kind of humour.

 

All those talks he’d had with Sakura, Naruto really did want her to understand.   And not just because of his feelings for her.  When Sakura did make an attempt, though, it became even more frustrating simply because Naruto couldn’t get through to her.

 

“What’s so special about it?” Sakura said one night, when they were heading back from a mission in Suna.  “Looking at the sky.”

 

“It’s universal,” Naruto said.  “It makes everyone the same.”

 

“But people can’t stay the same.  People have to grow up.”  Sakura frowned.  “That’s what life is, a series of changes you can’t avoid.”

 

“Yeah, but even if the people around you become different, the sky stays the same.  That means you can do this anywhere you want, wherever you go—in life or death,” Naruto said, closing his eyes.  “And that way you’ll always know that you’re not really alone.  That you never can be.”

 

Sakura nodded, pretended she understood even though Naruto knew she didn’t.

 

And really, that’s why he couldn’t bring her, why Naruto still calls this hill his and Sasuke’s.

 

“The sky really doesn’t change, does it?” Naruto says, glancing at the figure lying beside him.  “And look, we’re back here again.”

 

Sasuke grunts and pretends he isn’t listening, but Naruto knows he is.

 

Because Sasuke did the same thing then, and it’s only now that Naruto realises how much he missed these kinds of moments.  He’d taken the ease of it for granted, maybe because it was something he hadn’t done lately—more so because he hadn’t been coming here with Sasuke again until recently.

 

As a kid, Naruto used to do it a lot.  He’d come across this hill by accident, running toward somewhere he didn’t know, anywhere, a place where he didn’t have to feel so alone.  Watching the sky from this hill was one of the few things that helped him cope, kept him whole, something he continues to hold onto even after growing up.  And during the time he and Sasuke were apart, sometimes, when he looked at the sky by himself, Naruto would wonder if Sasuke was looking at it, too.

 

Making a muted noise, Sasuke shifts on his side when he catches Naruto watching him.  “What?”

 

Naruto shakes his head, sitting up and resting his weight on his elbows.  “Nothing,” he says softly.

 

“Nothing?”

 

“Yeah, nothing.”  Naruto lets his back meet the ground.  He extends his arm towards the sky, closes his left eye.  Fingers outstretched, he uses his right hand to cover the star above the space in between him and Sasuke.  “Want to see something really cool?”

 

“No.”

 

“Come on.”

 

“Naruto…”

 

Left eye still closed, Naruto turns his head to squint at Sasuke.  “Please.”

 

Sasuke sighs but moves to face Naruto.

 

 “See that star right there?” Naruto says.  “Watch this.”  His right hand curls into a fist, making the star disappear from view.  He opens his left eye.  “Now close your eyes.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because.”

 

“I’m not doing something just because you said so.”

 

“Just close them, okay?”

 

Grudgingly, Sasuke closes his eyes.  “Now what?”

 

“Hold out your hand.”  When Sasuke doesn’t move, Naruto groans.  “Work with me, all right.”

 

“I’m not holding your—”

 

Impatient, Naruto grabs Sasuke’s left hand and pries his fingers apart.  “I’m not asking you to hold my hand, just…”  Naruto’s movements become slow, hesitant.  He swallows, unfurls the fingers of his right hand and places it over Sasuke’s palm.  “Here.”

 

The corners of Sasuke’s mouth turn down, and his eyes open then narrow.  He stares at his hand.

 

Naruto watches and waits, bites his lip and whispers, “…it’s a star.”

 

A flicker of something Naruto can’t name passes through Sasuke’s eyes, gone when Sasuke snorts.  He closes his eyes and rolls away from Naruto.  Lying on his back, Sasuke folds his arms beneath his head, but the fingers on his left hand curl up, keep the star Naruto caught tucked safely inside of his palm.

 

And Naruto just breathes, breathes and sighs, and looks back to the sky.

 

...

 

Those two words are inevitable, Naruto thinks.  It’s almost been three months since he started really seeing Sasuke again, so the confrontation really should have happened a long time ago.  It’s been in the back of Naruto’s mind for a while, but it’s Sasuke who finally brings it out in the open.

 

“Fight me.”

 

The muscle between Naruto’s thumb and finger twitches.  He didn’t even know Sasuke was ready to do this kind of thing with him again.  “What about the—”

 

“We’re taking a break,” Sasuke says.  “We’ll go to the store for paint tomorrow.  Go change and meet me at the eighth training ground in fifteen minutes.”

 

“Really?”  A goofy smile nearly splits Naruto’s face.  He doesn’t need much to get excited about fighting, he’ll admit.  He loves it.  He loves being challenged, loves being pushed to his limits.  And since he hasn’t sparred with Sasuke in a long time, the opportunity to do so brings a certain kind of anticipation Naruto can’t wait to fulfil.

 

 “I want you to fight me.”  Sasuke smirks.  “Without holding back.”

 

Naruto makes a show of cracking the knuckles on both of his hands, more for curbing the itch between his fingers than the need to connect a fist with something solid.  “And here I thought we were supposed to be getting along.”   

 

...                                                                                                                                                     

 

Leaning over, Naruto rolls up his pant leg, doubling the hem over his knee.  He stands up and wipes the sweat off his forehead, vaguely noting that Sasuke’s red bandana would have actually been useful right about now.

 

It’s ridiculously warm for the middle of August.  It may have been cool enough to wear a jacket this morning, but after a few hours of going at it with Sasuke, the temperature feels like it’s approaching somewhere in the low thirties.

 

He took his jacket off less than twenty minutes after Sasuke made the first strike.  While dodging the kick Sasuke was aiming at his chest, Naruto pulled the jacket from over his head and haphazardly threw it on the branch of the first tree in sight.  Sasuke didn’t bring a jacket, more than content with a loose t-shirt instead of his usual sleeveless one.  However, Naruto also noticed Sasuke didn’t bring his gloves, either.

 

In the end, Sasuke probably didn’t need them, whatever it is that he uses the gloves for anyway.  The fight itself was pretty tame compared to their usual standards.  Although Sasuke told Naruto not to hold back, they’d agreed to limit using chakra beforehand.  They stuck with kata, simple attacks and counters to get a feel for each other’s abilities.  And when they called it quits, the sweat down Naruto’s back and soaking through his shirt was more from the heat than any real exertion from their warm-up.

 

Still, warming up like that felt good.  Better than training with Lee and Neji or Tenten and Konohamaru even.  Naruto doesn’t feel like he’s going to pass out anytime soon, but falling back into the same song and dance with Sasuke they’d honed together so long ago, it was exhilarating.  Yet knowing that he’d forcibly withheld from doing anything too strenuous during their spar, Naruto has to wonder exactly how much Sasuke was holding back, too.

 

Taking three steps forward, Naruto ruffles his hair.  He plops himself on the ground, at the edge of the stream.  He puts his feet inside of the water.  It reaches above his ankles, up to his calves.  The splash Naruto makes creates small ripples that expand towards the middle of the stream, where Sasuke’s standing.

 

“It’s hot,” Naruto says, sneaking a glance at Sasuke.  “Really hot.”

 

Sasuke grunts and bends down.  He dunks his head in the deeper part of the stream leading into a wider channel.  After a couple of seconds, he raises his head, taking a deep breath and pushing his hair out of his face with both hands.  He closes his eyes, the hands pressed against his forehead moving to slick his hair further back.

 

Naruto licks his lips and turns his gaze away from the darkening spots on Sasuke’s white shirt.  “You’re not hot?”

 

“It’s warm.”

 

Sasuke cocks his head, letting his wet hair hang over one side.  With both hands, he squeezes out fat droplets of water.  Some of the water falls back into the stream.  Some of it slides down Sasuke’s face, down his chin, collects in a shallow pool in the dip between his neck and shoulder.

 

Sasuke opens his eyes, peers at Naruto with a frown.  “What are you staring at?”

 

Naruto’s eyes flutter.  He looks away from Sasuke and lowers his head.  “Nothing,” he says quickly, turning his attention back to his feet.  He stares at the smooth rocks at the bottom of the stream.  The water feels cool against his skin, soothing despite the light current tickling the hairs on his legs.  “Nothing at all.”

 

Sasuke ignores Naruto and heads towards the bank where Naruto’s sitting.  He steps out of the stream, dripping water in his wake, one hand still in his hair.  He walks past Naruto without a glance.

 

Cautious, Naruto lets his eyes wander back to Sasuke, to the tree where a grey and orange jacket is draped over a branch.  He doesn’t say anything when Sasuke takes his jacket and uses it to dry his face.  Normally he would.  Sasuke should have brought his own jacket if he was going to treat Naruto’s like a towel, but it’s useless for Naruto to say anything about it now.

 

It’s too hot to be wearing a jacket anyway.

 

...

 

Sasuke’s hand travels along the panels of the mahogany fence.  Dull eyes trace the invisible path deft fingers leave behind, taking on a distant look Naruto can remember seeing from Sakura not too long ago.

 

“It hasn’t changed that much,” Sasuke says.

 

Naruto doesn’t agree but decides not to say anything, tightening his hold on the bag he’s carrying, heavy with small cans of paint.

 

“Everything almost looks the same.”

 

Naruto fidgets, uncomfortable at the absent quality in Sasuke’s voice.  “When did you really start coming here?  I mean, after you came back.”

 

“Earlier this year.  The second Monday in February.”  Sasuke takes his hand away from the fence, and Naruto sighs, partially relieved for reasons he’s not sure he understands.

 

“When I first came back,” Sasuke says, “I wasn’t allowed to come here.  I hadn’t seen this place in four years, yet…”  A sneer is directed straight ahead, and Sasuke starts to walk a little faster.  “They—those people—threatened to raze this place to the ground if I didn’t cooperate.  I couldn’t just…”

 

Picking up his pace, Naruto nods.  The memory of that time is still clear in his mind, the handful of villagers protesting Sasuke’s return, their threats and the vandalism in the Uchiha district the Council refused to do anything about.

 

In the end, nothing happened, fortunately.  Maybe because Tsunade had assigned Kakashi to be Sasuke’s guardian.  Kakashi never said anything, but Naruto still has a suspicion Kakashi ultimately had something to do with the sudden lack of threats and the locks that prevented even Sasuke from entering the Uchiha district.

 

“Did you use to come here before you left?”

 

“…sometimes.”  Sasuke stops in front of a telephone pole.  The abrupt stop almost causes Naruto to bump into him, but Naruto stills when he sees Sasuke look up.

 

Sasuke closes his eyes, inhales, lets the tension leave his body.  For a moment, Naruto thinks Sasuke’s going to fall, but Sasuke’s eyes snap open, red seeping into black, boring into Naruto.  Then Sasuke blinks.  The red in his eyes disappears.

 

Naruto takes a tentative step back but doesn’t distance himself from Sasuke.  “What are we doing after we finish painting?”

 

“Probably work on the garden or something,” Sasuke says.  “I don’t know.”

 

“You don’t—”  Naruto’s lips form a thin line.  “I can’t help but feel like you’re just yanking me around.  I thought we came up with a plan, but this doesn’t make any sense—working inside and outside and inside again.  Going back and forth, there’s no systematic approach to this.  You’re pulling on my chain just for the hell of it.”  

 

“Maybe.”

 

“And then—hey!”  With his free hand, Naruto points his finger at Sasuke, almost bops Sasuke in the nose.  “You’re not supposed to agree with me.”

 

Calmly, Sasuke pushes Naruto’s hand down.  He starts walking again, leaving Naruto to follow.  “If you don’t want to help me, don’t.”

 

“I’m not saying that.  I already told you.  It’s too late for me to not help you now.  What I’m saying is, it feels like you’re just picking something to do at random.”

 

“That a problem?”

 

Resigned, Naruto sighs and stretches his arms above his head.  “There’s no way to win with you, is there?”

 

“I’m cleaning up as I go along.  You do know what that means, don’t you?”

 

“Of course I do,” Naruto says.  “I’m not as messy as people make me out to be.”

 

“No,” Sasuke says.  “You’re not.”

 

The lack of hesitation surprises Naruto, enough to make him stop him in the middle of the street.  At the very least, he was expecting some kind of snide remark, but Sasuke doesn’t even look back.  He continues to walk, and Naruto bridges the short distance to catch up with him.

 

“Okay, um…good.”  Naruto fakes a cough, falling back in step alongside Sasuke.  “That’s—yeah, glad that’s straightened out.” 

 

They make the rest of the walk in silence, towards the house Naruto still maybe kind of dreads going to. At least it’s not as cold as it was last time.

 

“So,” Naruto begins, “I guess we’re doing this room first.  Is this your—?”

 

“It was Itachi’s.”

 

“…oh.”  Carefully, Naruto places the bag he’s holding on the floor, trying not to make too much noise.  “I thought—”

 

“I’m not changing the colour.”  Sasuke kneels down beside the bag and takes out a folded sheet of plastic.  “That’s why I bought the small can of blue paint.  The walls are only chipped in a few places.  It just…it just needs another coat.”

 

“Then what’d you make me carry all this stuff for?”  With a sweep of his arm, Naruto gestures at the bag by his feet.  “We spent two hours in that place looking for paint.”

 

Sasuke begins to unfold the sheet of plastic, spreads it out on the floor.  “It was less than thirty minutes.”

 

“Well, it sure felt like two hours,” Naruto mumbles.  He leans down to pick up one corner of the plastic and takes it to the opposite side of the room.  “You even asked me for help.”

 

 “You’re the last person I’d ask to help pick out colours.”

 

Naruto snorts.  Obviously, he remembers things differently.  Although most of his suggestions were turned down, it’s true that Sasuke did ask him for help.

 

None too gently, Sasuke pulled Naruto away from the small display of neon paint colours.  “I’m not painting the walls in my house bright green.”

 

“Yellow then,” Naruto said, letting Sasuke lead him to the back of the hardware store.  “Yellow’s good, right?”

 

“Yellow’s too close to orange.”

 

“What’s wrong with orange?”

 

“Everything’s wrong with orange.”

 

 “Brown?”

 

“No.”

 

“Red,” Naruto said.  He snapped his fingers and grabbed a can of dark red paint from the shelf.  “It’s really, really easy to see you with red.”

 

“Anything not black is too close to orange.”  Sasuke snatched the can from Naruto’s hands.  He put it back on the shelf.

 

“How about white?  You can’t go wrong with white.”

 

“Too plain.”

 

“Or off-white.  Sakura’s walls are like that.”  Naruto paused when he saw Sasuke tense.  “At least they look white, I think.  She told me it’s supposed be some kind of yellow, but it still looks—”

 

“Primrose.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“That’s the colour Sakura painted her walls,” Sasuke said.  “Pale primrose.”

 

“Really?”  A thoughtful look overcame Naruto’s face.  “I guess it suits her.”

 

Body relaxing, Sasuke nodded.  “It does.”

 

“Hey,” Naruto says, pushing his end of the plastic against the corner of the baseboard.  “I was wondering, about what you said earlier.”

 

The plastic crinkles beneath Sasuke’s bare feet.  “What?”

 

“What you said about the colour of Sakura’s walls, how’d you know?”

                                                                                                                      

“I helped her pick it out.”

 

“You helped her?”

 

“She asked me to.”  Sasuke digs through the bag sitting next to the one Naruto brought.  He takes out a rectangular aluminium pan and a roller brush.  “If you’re wondering why she didn’t ask you first, you were on a mission.”

 

Naruto frowns.  “I remember I was in Iwa, yeah, but—”

 

“You expected her to wait for you?”

 

“No.”  Naruto tries to squash the queasy feeling in his stomach.  “Sakura doesn’t have to wait for me to do anything.  It’s just that I wouldn’t have expected her to ask you for help.”

 

 “Why not?”

 

Naruto walks towards Sasuke.  “Does that mean you and Sakura…?”

 

Sasuke drops the brush in the pan, stands his full height to meet Naruto.  “What about us?”

 

“So you helped Sakura paint her apartment?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Have you two ever…?”

 

“What?”

 

Twice, Naruto motions his head to the side, eyes darting to the small window on his right.  “You know.”

 

“No, I don’t know.”

 

Naruto makes a circle with his left fingers touching the pad of his thumb.  He takes his right finger and puts it inside the makeshift hole created with his left hand.  He pulls the finger out, puts it back in, does it three more times until he sees the understanding on Sasuke’s face.  “…that.”

 

Sasuke’s eyes widen just the slightest before his surprise turns into a glare.  “You’re still on that?  After all this—is that why you’re really here?  Is that why you’re helping me?  Because you want—?”

 

“No,” Naruto rushes out.  “I was just—”

 

“The fact that you’re even asking me if—”

 

“It’s just a question.  All I asked is if you and Sakura ever—”

 

“You don’t have the right to ask me that,” Sasuke snarls, shoving Naruto towards the door.  “Get out, Naruto.”

 

Naruto stumbles over his feet, almost falls, but he quickly regains his footing to shove Sasuke right back.  “The hell was that for, you bastard?!”

 

“Leave.”  Sasuke shoves Naruto again, pushes him through the doorway and out of the room.  Dark eyes bleed into a red that fades when Sasuke closes his eyes and opens them.  He grits his teeth, hands clenching into fists when his body starts to tremble.

 

“Damn it, Sasuke, I—”

 

“Get out!”

 

...

 

It’s been a little over three days since he’s seen or heard from Sasuke.  Kiba’s earlier claim of Sasuke hiding in plain sight doesn’t carry much weight because now Naruto can’t find Sasuke at all.

 

He decided to wait out the first two days.  Sasuke needed time to cool off.  Naruto needed time to reclaim the dwindling self-control that suddenly seems to be getting worse the more time he spends with Sasuke.  Today, however, Naruto’s not sure he’ll have any patience left even when he finds Sasuke, if he finds Sasuke, but there’s only one place Naruto can think to look.

 

On his way to the Uchiha district, he runs into Sakura, though.  Sakura with the stubby black vase filled with jasmine and pressed against her chest, she calls out to Naruto before he sees her, waves at him with one hand, and Naruto immediately seeks Sakura out because her voice helps quiet the anger that’s beginning to make his fingers twitch.

 

“Where are you off to in such a hurry?”  Sakura rests a hand on her hip and tilts her head to the side.  Her hair brushes past her neck, fans over her shoulders.  It’s nowhere near as long as Naruto can remember it being, but she’ll probably get it cut again soon.  “I haven’t seen you in a while.”

 

Naruto hides his hands in his pockets.  “I’ve been kind of busy.”

 

“That again?” Sakura says.  “But I suppose I’ve been busy, too.”

 

“Oh.”

 

 “Remember last week, when I said Tsunade wanted to speak to me?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Well,” Sakura says, “it turns out someone’s replacing me.”  After a short pause, she breaks out into a brilliant smile.  “I got the promotion.”

 

“Really?”  Naruto shares Sakura’s smile.  He steps forward, almost hugs her, but steps back, keeping his hands in his pockets.  “That’s—that’s great.”

 

“Isn’t it?”  Sakura looks down as she twirls her finger in the hair hanging in front of her face.  She raises her head, tucks the strand behind her ear.   This smile is slow to come, a reserved impression of her usual enthusiasm.  But it doesn’t make her any less pretty—doesn’t make Sakura anything less than beautiful—in a way that does little to convince Naruto he’ll ever be able to outgrow his crush on her.

 

“I’m not trying to boast because I know I’m still young, and yet…”

 

“All the work you put in,” Naruto says softly, “you deserve it.”

 

“It’s not all me, but thank you.”  Blushing, Sakura turns away from Naruto, meets his eyes when the red on her face fades away.  “It’s mostly because of Nitta.  He came all the way from Tanigakure to study here.  He’s only an apprentice, but it’s really amazing that he knows so much already, especially since he hasn’t been in this field very long.  Still, I admit I’m nervous about it, though, that Tsunade can trust me with something like this.”

 

“So did he, uh,” Naruto says, “did Nitta give you those?  Is that why you’re…?”

 

“Give me—oh, these?”  Sakura looks down at the vase of jasmine in her arms.  She shakes her head.  “They’re for Sasuke actually.”

 

“…you bought Sasuke flowers.”

 

“I know it seems silly, but…”  Sakura bites the inside of her cheek.  “Well, Sasuke likes the way they smell—or at least he doesn’t mind the jasmine I have.  I thought it’d be a good housewarming gift.  This is something of me I can give that’ll he’ll accept.  Besides, his place is too empty.  It almost makes me uncomfortable, even when I’m not there.  And this…”

 

Naruto nods.  He knows the feeling all too well.  Even though he’s supposedly helping Sasuke paint the walls, Naruto can’t say the apprehension about being in Sasuke’s house has gone away.  “Sasuke never liked having a lot of stuff anyway, so...”

 

“I guess you’re right.”  Sakura holds the vase closer to her chest.  “Speaking of which,” she says, “how’s the restoration project coming?”

 

 “…okay,” Naruto says, drawing out a sigh.  He pulls his hands out of his pockets, pauses, places his thumbs back inside. “There’s still a lot to do.”

 

“I figured.  I practically have to wrestle anything about it out of Sasuke.  It’s funny how he can still spend so much time at that place now.  Maybe because he just finished unpacking yesterday, not that he’d let me help of course, but there shouldn’t be that much left to—”

 

 “What are you talking about?”  Naruto frowns.  “Unpacking for what?  We haven’t even finished painting yet.”

 

Sakura blinks.  “Why would Sasuke need to paint his apartment?”

 

“…his apartment?”

 

“Sasuke didn’t…”  Sakura shuffles the vase in her arms.  “Oh.” 

 

Naruto’s fingers begin twitch again.  Blunt nails dig into his palm in an effort to curb the itch.   “…Sasuke didn’t tell me anything about an apartment.”

 

“I just thought,” Sakura says, “I mean, since you’ve been spending so much time with him lately, Sasuke would have…”

 

Naruto snorts and kicks at the pavement, scuffing his sandal.  “Of course he would have told me.  It’s Sasuke we’re talking about here.”

 

“Listen, Naruto, I don’t know why Sasuke didn’t tell you, but—”

 

“But you’ll tell me, right?”

 

Sakura opens her mouth but hesitates, peering over Naruto’s shoulders before turning her attention back to Naruto.  “Sasuke’s not home, if that’s what you’re asking.”

 

“You won’t tell me?”

 

“Naruto…”

 

“What difference does it make if you tell me or not?  Where Sasuke lives, is that some big secret I’m not supposed to know about?  Don’t you think I should—?”

 

“If Sasuke doesn’t want you to know…”  Mouth a thin line, Sakura forces air through her nose.  “I’m sorry, Naruto, but I can’t tell you.”

 

“Sakura, why are you…?”

 

“Let Sasuke tell you himself,” Sakura says.  “Trust me.  It’ll be better that way.”

 

...

 

Except it’s not better that way.

 

As close as Naruto thought he and Sasuke were becoming, closer than they’d been before, it’s a slap in the face to realise Sasuke didn’t think the same.  Maybe Naruto was being naïve, to ever think things could change so quickly between them, but the past three months with Sasuke, it has to be worth something.

 

Yet here he is.  All those days helping Sasuke in the Uchiha district, all those nights sharing the sky on their hill, three months later and Naruto is standing on the other side of the door to _that_ house because Sasuke still won’t let him in.

 

Sasuke leans against the doorframe.  He crosses his arms, narrows his eyes at Naruto.  There’s a smudge of blue paint on his cheek, barely noticeable even in the light, but the thought that Sasuke’s been painting without him leaves a heavy feeling in Naruto’s stomach.

 

“You didn’t tell me you moved out of Kakashi’s place.”

 

“I told you not to come back.”

 

“You told me to get out,” Naruto says, forces the words through clenched teeth.  “Why didn’t you tell me you had an apartment?”

 

“You didn’t ask.”

 

The response is so lacklustre, the dull expression on Sasuke’s face so damn aggravating, and Naruto all but gives into the sudden need to push Sasuke aside just to get in.  “That’s bull and you know it.  Why didn’t you tell me, Sasuke?”

 

“Why would you need to know?”

 

“Why would I…”  Against his will, Naruto feels himself deflate at Sasuke’s words.  “I thought I was helping you, so when you moved here you’d—”

 

“I never said I was moving here.”

 

“But you—then all the work we’ve done, if you’re not moving here, what was it for?”

 

“It can’t stay like this.  I can’t let it…”  Sasuke uncrosses his arms and pushes himself away from the doorframe.  He sneers at Naruto.  “Why the hell do you even care?”

 

“Of course I care,” Naruto snarls.  “I wouldn’t be helping you if I didn’t care.”

 

“I’m not making you help me.  Don’t pretend to care just to prove a point.”

 

“But you’re not exactly turning me down, are you?”

 

Sasuke glares.  “You keep coming back.”

 

“I mean it when I say I care,” Naruto says.  “Somebody has to.”

 

“So you decided that somebody has to be you?  You’re the only person selfless enough to take up the responsibility?”

 

“Shut up,” Naruto bites out.  “For once, just shut up and listen to me.  I don’t care because I have to.  I’m not helping you because of that.”

 

“Then why do you care?”

 

“Because with you, Sasuke…”  Naruto takes a step closer, one more forward, forces Sasuke to take two back.   He takes three more steps and then another two, stops when they’re both inside the house, when Sasuke’s back hits the wall, when his nose is almost touching Sasuke’s.  “…I don’t know how not to.”

 

...

 

To Naruto’s surprise, in the two days he hasn’t seen Sasuke, Itachi’s room had been left unchanged.  The sheet of plastic is still where he last saw it.  The various cans of paint are still stacked in the far right corner of the room.  Despite what Naruto initially thought, Sasuke hadn’t done anything to it.

 

The blue paint on Sasuke’s cheek, although it came from Sasuke opening a can of paint, Sasuke tells Naruto it was only to make sure the paint matched the shade of blue on Itachi’s walls.

 

A part of Naruto wonders if Sasuke was waiting for him, especially when it concerns the implications of Sasuke not quite admitting to wanting Naruto’s help.  There’s so much it can mean.  Yet, at the same time, it’s too much neither of them wants to think about.  And like the instance of Naruto walking in on Sasuke scrubbing at the invisible stain on the floor, this instance of Sasuke subconsciously trying to involve Naruto becomes part of their unspoken agreement that includes all the things they’re not supposed to bring up.

 

It’s getting harder to maintain the simplicity of their relationship, but it’s still easier to ignore the things they don’t want to talk about.

 

So Naruto takes the chance to prod Sasuke about the apartment again.  This time, Sasuke doesn’t resist.  Obvious reluctance aside, eventually, Sasuke tells Naruto where he lives.  Although when Naruto repeats the address with a smug grin, he can’t say the punch that almost doesn’t miss his face is unexpected.

 

It takes two and a half days to finish painting Itachi’s room.  The time cooped up with Sasuke, however short, seems to be enough for them to fall back into some sort of routine.  They carry on like before, despite the underlying tension that can’t simply be willed away, and the Wednesday they remove all the plastic from Itachi’s floor, Sasuke tells Naruto they’re going to the garden.

 

Antsy, Naruto gnaws on his lip.  The enigmatic garden Sasuke’s mentioned once or twice but Naruto’s never seen is actually outside the Uchiha district.

 

It’s behind it, actually, two kilometres give or take to close the distance between them and forests surrounding the outer edge of Konoha.  Naruto can’t remember coming here.  He doesn’t think anyone from the village does.  Most people consider it part of the Uchiha district, even if it technically isn’t.  Either way, people don’t like to talk about it, much less associate themselves with something tied to the name Uchiha.  It’s not a coincidence this area looks untouched for the most part.

 

They travel for at least ten minutes, probably no more than fifteen when Sasuke leads Naruto through a particularly dense patch of forest.  He navigates through the trees easily enough, weaving in between thick trunks that have grown too close-together.  Although Naruto isn’t as agile, he won’t voice his irritation at running into the same clusters of trees Sasuke effortlessly slips through or complain about the occasional stray branch scratching at his face.

 

Every once in a while, Sasuke looks back.  He adjusts his pace so Naruto can keep up, just a little bit more hesitant each time he slows down, each time he doesn’t quite meet Naruto’s gaze.

 

Naruto narrowly avoids a low hanging branch that almost takes out his right eye.  “What is this place?”

 

“A garden,” Sasuke says, and Naruto ignores the sarcasm in Sasuke’s voice in favour of the sight before him.

 

The garden itself, or rather what’s left of it, isn’t anything spectacular.  Maybe it was a garden at some point in time.  Naruto won’t argue that.  Right now, though, it’s probably more fitting to call it an overgrown field.

 

At first glance, it’s all an expanse of weeds.  Thin pillars of green tower over a patchwork of yellows and browns sown over the ground.  Stalks of blackened bamboo seemingly crop up at random.  This weird mishmash of plant life dead, dying, or alive, the contrast is stark, especially when compared to the healthy looking crowns of the trees enclosing the garden.

 

The sun tries to glare at him from above.  Feeble rays of light try to penetrate the closed canopy but can’t reach the floor.  The garden gradually becomes a world of its own.  Here, Naruto feels more isolated than he ever did in the Uchiha district, almost completely closed off from the rest of Konoha.  And as he pursues Sasuke further, parts the tall weeds that yield beneath his touch, it’s like stepping into another time.

 

Yet no sooner than Naruto arrives here with Sasuke, the rustling ahead of him stops.  They approach a clearing, and Naruto stands tense next to Sasuke.

 

“This is the garden then.”  Naruto turns to look at Sasuke, sighs when Sasuke doesn’t say anything.

 

With the field of weeds and bamboo behind them, this area actually looks more like the garden he’d envisioned.  In terms of size, it isn’t that big.  Naruto doesn’t know much about traditional landscapes, aside from what he’s picked up from a few books and magazines.  Although a lot of the traditional elements are still here, compared to most of the gardens he’s seen, this one looks humble. 

 

“This was my mother’s garden,” Sasuke says, and Naruto fiddles with the collar of his jacket, follows two steps behind Sasuke’s deliberate strides.

 

A short path leads into the centre of the garden.  Past the underbrush, rounded stones underlying dry topsoil lead to a deep depression filled with a mixture of pale dirt and dead vegetation.  It looks like it used to be a pond, still could be once all the debris is removed, maybe.  Next to the pond is a large stone lantern, coloured a rustic looking grey made dark green by the thick layer of moss growing along its sides.

 

However, it’s the tree hunched over the pond that Naruto takes notice of.  It’s a black pine tree, almost stripped bare by the large needles fallen at the base of its trunk.  It looks like it’s at a good age, not too tall or short.  The branches are wiry but not thin.  The trunk’s not wide but still robust.  Yet there’s something off-putting about the tree, something that makes Naruto want to keep Sasuke from going near it.

 

But since he can’t stop Sasuke, Naruto doesn’t.  That same disturbing something apparently appeals to Sasuke, lures him towards the tree with steps that almost become nonexistent.  Naruto purposely trudges alongside Sasuke, makes his steps as heavy as possible until they’re both standing underneath the tree.

 

“My mother wasn’t able to come here often.  She wanted to have something closer to the house, but my father…”  Sasuke reaches to touch the tree.  His fingers trace the serrated edges of the bark.  “It’s not the garden she wanted, but my mother, she liked to…keep it alive.”

 

Decaying needles surround them like shadows he can’t touch, and Naruto shivers at the breeze that prickles the back of his neck.  The effect of deep rooted memories shows all too clearly on Sasuke’s face.  Watching Sasuke feels invasive, makes Naruto wish he could be anywhere but here. 

 

For a moment, everything becomes quiet.  There’s no sound.  There’s no wind.  The atmosphere so still, Naruto can’t even hear himself breathe.

 

But he continues to watch Sasuke, too wary of the look in dark eyes threatening to take Sasuke away.  Naruto swallows, fights back the burn from the strain of keeping his eyes open, afraid that if he closes them, Sasuke will disappear.

 

...

 

The concept of Sasuke disappearing is something both foreign and familiar to Naruto.  Foreign because it’s weird to think Sasuke could disappear right in front of him, familiar because he’s already lost Sasuke once, yet neither makes enough sense to justify as much thought as he’s been putting into it the last couple of weeks.

 

So Naruto responds with one of the few ways he knows how, by resorting to something even more familiar than the fear of Sasuke ever leaving again that he doesn’t want to acknowledge.

 

“Do you want to, uh,” Naruto says, “do something after this, when we’re done with the bathroom?”

 

“Do what?”

 

“Go somewhere?”

 

“You want to go somewhere.”  Sasuke places the bottle of glass cleaner in his hand on the sink.

 

“Yeah,” Naruto says.  “We can go somewhere.”

 

“Somewhere.”

 

“Together.”

 

Sasuke raises an eyebrow.

 

After a seemingly long pause, when Sasuke still doesn’t say anything, Naruto blurts out, “I want you to go out with me.”

 

Sasuke makes a face, draws his head back.  “What are you talking about?”

 

“For ramen,” Naruto says quickly.  “Go out with me to eat ramen.”  Almost as an afterthought, he adds, “At Ichiraku.”

 

“For what?”

 

“To hang out.”

 

“To hang out?”

 

“Stop repeating everything I say.”  Naruto squints at Sasuke.  “What’s wrong with wanting to hang out with you, like we used to?”

 

“I see you too much as it is.”  Sasuke turns his back to Naruto.  He picks up the glass cleaner and sprays it on the mirror.

 

“Hanging out is about having fun.  Fixing this place up with you isn’t the same thing.”

 

“Considering how often we do see each other, it is.”  Roll of paper towels in hand, Sasuke tears off a sheet and begins to wipe down the mirror. “The first time you came over wasn’t an invitation to have fun.”

 

“I don’t _enjoy_ the cleaning and all, but…”

 

Sasuke purses his lips, almost frowns.  “You’re not supposed to enjoy it.”

 

“Maybe I just don’t mind it as much as you thought I would.”

 

Sasuke returns his attention to the cleaning the mirror.  He doesn’t leave any streaks behind.

 

Stepping over the bucket of soapy water between them, Naruto makes a reach for Sasuke’s arm that Sasuke pushes away.  “Hear me out.”

 

Sasuke balls the paper towel in his hand.

 

“We used to do it, right?”  Naruto stares at Sasuke’s reflection.  “Going to Ichiraku, let’s start doing that again.” 

 

Sasuke looks at Naruto through the mirror.  It seems like he’s thinking about it, although Naruto can’t exactly tell.

 

“It was fun then, wasn’t it?” Naruto says.

 

Sasuke turns around to face Naruto, raising the hand holding the wadded paper towel.  He aims it at the plastic bag hanging from the doorknob, where Naruto thinks Sasuke is going to throw it.  That is, until the paper towel hits Naruto on the forehead.

 

Sasuke watches him, waits for the show of anger he’s probably expecting from Naruto.  However, Naruto takes the paper towel by his foot as the equivalent of Sasuke saying yes and smiles in a way that brings a twitch to the corner of Sasuke’s mouth.

 

Some odd hours and even minutes later, Naruto’s finally able to drag Sasuke out of the house, and they hit the counter of Ichiraku with an empty seat between them that Sasuke won’t let Naruto occupy.

 

Naruto doesn’t mind, though.  It’s the first time they’ve had ramen together since Sasuke came back.  The experience is so familiar it almost hurts, playing right into Naruto’s desperation to find some kind of stability in this relationship with Sasuke he’s not sure he knows what to do with anymore.

 

Yet even if nothing really has gone back to normal, it still feels pretty close to it, back to a time Naruto had once only been able to remember clearly in his dreams.  Despite the seat between them, Sasuke feels grounded beside him, like he won’t disappear without a moment’s notice, and the taste of thick wheat noodles downed in a rich pork broth has Naruto wiping his mouth with a satisfaction that leaves him more than simply content.

 

It doesn’t even bother him that he and Sasuke aren’t really talking, despite his earlier declarations about the purpose of hanging out with Sasuke is to have fun.  Of course it’s not for lack of trying on Naruto’s part.

 

Every attempt at starting a conversation is thwarted by Sasuke pointedly ignoring him.  However, they’re spending time together.  More importantly, it’s time they’re spending together not cleaning or sparring or Sasuke ridiculing Naruto for hitting his thumb with a hammer that one time and still not letting Naruto live it down two weeks later.   The biting remarks about his inability to nail anything from Sasuke notwithstanding, just sitting here with Sasuke like this is more than Naruto hoped for.

 

In spite of the whole conversation thing not working out, as well as ignoring the fact that Naruto isn’t the best conversation starter, he and Sasuke are fine settling into taking turns slurping noodles.  Or Naruto makes really loud slurps that easily overpower the sound of Sasuke’s small sips.

 

At least old man Teuchi appreciates the noise.

 

When Naruto empties his third bowl and Sasuke finishes his first and only one, Naruto immediately reaches for the wallet in his back pocket.  It feels suspiciously light, but before Naruto opens the wallet, he moves to stop Sasuke from reaching for his own.

 

“I’m paying,” he cries out.

 

Sasuke pauses.  “I’m not paying for you,” he says, somewhat annoyed, like the idea of paying for Naruto would never cross his mind.

 

“I know.  I just meant I’ll pay for you, too.”  The awkwardness that follows his words, Naruto tries to cover it with a hasty laugh that inevitably comes out clumsy.  “Since I asked you here to have ramen with me and everything.  It’s only fair that I pay, right?”

 

Hand still over his wallet, Sasuke gives Naruto a strange look.  It’s some cross between confused and insulted.    Partially confused, maybe that much more insulted.

 

Naruto grins at Sasuke’s pinched expression, but the excitement turns into an embarrassed flush when he opens his wallet and realises he doesn’t have enough money to pay for Sasuke, let alone himself.

 

Damn Kiba.

 

...

 

Fortunately, the attempt at maintaining some normality between them isn’t a complete bust.  Sasuke chalks it up to all the other stupid things Naruto does, including the things Naruto doesn’t do because Sasuke says they’re even more stupid because Naruto doesn’t just do them.

 

Briefly, so very briefly, Naruto mulls over the words.  Although he’s pretty sure Sasuke’s mocking him, it somehow comes across more like a snide compliment, which is still insulting in of itself.  However, Sasuke’s voice doesn’t quite convey the kind of ridicule Naruto’s used to hearing.  He feels like he’s missing something.  There’s a nagging sense of disconnect buried beneath the difference between what Sasuke says and what Sasuke does, yet the verge of understanding falls beyond Naruto’s grasp.

 

In the silence that follows, Sasuke pays for his bowl of ramen and all three of Naruto’s.  He still expects Naruto to pay him back, but that’s the last he says of it.  Instead, while they’re walking away from Ichiraku, Sasuke not so discreetly blames Naruto for the lost time he can’t get back.  Naruto drowns him out, though, not paying attention when Sasuke begins to the list the things they still have to do with the bathroom.

 

“I don’t think I’m in the mood to fix a leaking sink,” Naruto interrupts.  “Are you?”

 

Sasuke gives Naruto a flat look.

 

“Okay, so maybe you are,” Naruto says.  “But let’s do something else.”

 

Sasuke looks like he’s considering it.  He waits a few seconds before saying anything.  “Something like what?”

 

“Want to fight again?”

 

“…why not?”

 

Sasuke’s tone is casual enough, but then he delivers a fist towards Naruto’s jaw.  Naruto catches the would-be hit with the back of his arm.  His skin tingles at the contact, spurs an excitement making him draw out a smile that’s anything but coy.

 

Naruto knows this is the sort of thing they shouldn’t be doing in the middle of the street, but it’s been a while since he’s had a chance to truly go at it with Sasuke.  That one time on the training grounds isn’t enough.  Being so preoccupied with doing all those domestic things with Sasuke, Naruto almost feels like he’s getting rusty.  He wouldn’t be surprised if Sasuke felt the same way.

 

Sasuke smirks and pulls his hand away, takes a step back.  Naruto lowers his arm.  He turns his body to the left, bounces on his heels, increases the distance between his feet.

 

The air to the right of him shifts, and Naruto jumps away from the kick that almost knocks him sideways.

 

Before the ball of his right foot touches the ground, Sasuke switches his stance.  The momentum from the kick he doesn’t land lets Sasuke turn his body to the side without losing the offensive.  In the same motion, he rests his weight on his right foot and raises his left leg.  The arc of this kick is wider than the last one and goes higher—higher than Naruto’s shoulder.

 

Elbow pointed down, Naruto lifts his arm to intercept Sasuke’s leg.  Vaguely, he realises just how high that leg can go, and the kind of mental image that sort of thought process brings makes Naruto splutter.  He lets his guard down only for a second.  The arm protecting his face lowers just a fraction, but that one moment is all the distraction it takes.  Because while Sasuke’s not short, Naruto’s a far cry from the runt he used to be, and even he doesn’t think his legs can go that hi—

 

...

 

“I wasn’t paying attention, I said.”

 

“I can definitely see the connection now,” Kiba says.  “The way you keep getting hurt like this, it’s got to be the reason why you’re still spending so much time with Sasuke.”  He tips his bottle into his mouth, leans his head back a little.  The beer goes down quickly while he peers at Naruto with one eye open.

 

“Since when does Sasuke hitting me have anything to do with me spending time with him?”

 

“Since it’s almost like with Sakura, all the times that kind of thing happened when you were with her.”  Kiba moves the beer away from his mouth.  Licking his lips, he places the emptied bottle back on the counter.   “Because normally, you’d think you’d want to duck if someone was about to kick you in the head.”

 

Naruto groans and rubs his cheek.  The icepack Sasuke had given him, Naruto wore it all day yesterday and slept with it last night.  It alleviated most of the swelling, but he knows it still looks pretty bad.  It’ll be gone by tomorrow at least.  Although the icepack wasn’t the verbal apology Naruto felt Sasuke should have given him, he knew better than to expect one from Sasuke, who had claimed Naruto deserved it for not taking the fight seriously—whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean.

 

He doesn’t know why Sasuke was so defensive about it.  Sasuke’s not the one walking in public with the left side his face hidden beneath a large mound of flesh coloured with a really dark purple overrun with streaks of black and blue.  For the life of him, Naruto can’t figure out why Sasuke got upset in the first place.

 

The only reason he decides to leave it alone, though, is because he doesn’t want to think about why he was even distracted at all.  The sudden interest in Sasuke’s flexibility, there’s a realisation there Naruto isn’t sure what to do with yet.  He doesn’t know what he can do with it.  Never mind he can’t tell Kiba he was too busy thinking about Sasuke’s ability to raise his leg that high as opposed to the act of said leg getting ready to rearrange the side of his face.

 

For now, he’ll keep quiet and suck up receiving a measly little icepack for his troubles because it was as good as a sorry from Sasuke as he was going to get.

 

Kiba’s fingers drum along the neck of his beer bottle.  He spares another glance to the still prominent bruise on Naruto’s cheek.  “But hey—what do I know?  Maybe that’s just me and not someone who likes to get beat up.”

 

“Didn’t I already say I wasn’t paying attention?”

 

“Yeah, and I’m just saying I’m the kind of guy who prefers not having to eat through a straw.”

 

“It’s not that bad.”  Naruto doesn’t have to eat through a straw.  He just has to make sure he chews his food on the right side of his mouth for a while.  While he does heal pretty fast, it’s only fast compared to everyone else.

 

“Seriously, though,” Kiba says, “what kind of idiot lets himself get kicked in the head?”

                                                                                                                                    

“Now you’re starting to sound like Sasuke.”  Naruto narrows his eyes.  “You’re not hanging out with Sasuke behind my back, are you?”

 

“And I think I’ll take that as my cue to leave.”  Kiba pushes away from the counter. 

 

“Wait a minute,” Naruto says when Kiba begins to stand.  “You can’t just leave now.”

 

“Don’t involve me in this anymore, okay.  I’m staying out too much, and I don’t want Ino to think I forgot about her.”

 

“You put this kind of thing in my head in the first place.”

 

“I didn’t—”

 

Naruto reaches to pull Kiba back down to his seat.  Voice a harsh whisper, he says, “Remember what you said, when you asked me about the thing between me and Sasuke?”

 

“…I guess.”

 

“Well,” Naruto says, “I like Sasuke.”

 

“Okay,” Kiba says slowly.  “Sasuke’s your friend, too.  You told me.  I already got that.”

 

“No, no.”  Naruto shakes his head, keeps his voice low as he leans closer to Kiba.  “I mean…I think I might like Sasuke the way I like Sakura.  Because you said I—”

 

Something catches in Kiba’s throat.  His saliva mostly likely, judging by the way his face is starting to turn blue, and Naruto gives him a good whack on the back that almost knocks Kiba out of his chair.

 

A piece of chewed up food flies out of Kiba’s mouth, and Naruto makes a face at the spot on the floor where the partially digested mass of beef and rice landed.

 

 “Lies,” Kiba rasps.  “All of it lies, Naruto.  Don’t try to put those kinds of things in my mouth.”

 

“You’re the one who even brought it up.  The more you kept bringing it up, the more I kept thinking about it.”

 

“You can’t blame this on me. It’s not my fault.  I didn’t make you like Sasuke.”

 

“I’m not saying you made me like Sasuke.  I just…”

 

Kiba wipes the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand.  “You sure you’re not just confused?  I mean...liking Sasuke?”

 

“I know.  I know.”  Naruto grabs his hair, presses his fingers from one hand into his scalp.  “Of all people, it’s Sasuke, I _know_.”

 

“Does this mean you really do want to get into Sasuke’s pants?”

 

“No—no, I’m not saying that.  It’s more like there might be a chance I like Sasuke.  But that doesn’t mean it has to be serious.  There’s still the chance I don’t like Sasuke.  Like that.”

 

“I don’t know, Naruto.  As long as you don’t want to see how far it goes, then I guess it doesn’t have to mean anything.”

 

“…maybe.”  Naruto drops his hand into his lap.  His picks at the material of his pants.  “That’s what I’m hoping.”

 

“Do you know if Sasuke even likes you?”

 

“Sasuke liking me?” Naruto says.  “I’m still trying to decide if I like him, so Sasuke can’t like me.”  He sighs and falls back against his chair.  “And even if he did, what would I do with something like that?”

 

...

 

The dirt crumbles in his hand, feels like dust when it slips between his fingers, and Naruto lets the rest of it fall to the ground.

 

It’s a wonder anything was able to grow here.  Naruto’s surprised the plant life in the area could survive on such dry soil.   As bad as the garden appeared when he first saw it, after getting a good look at the extent of the damage, the amount of work needed to actually turn this place around won’t be something they can do in a few days.

 

“Do you know what you want to do first?”  Naruto crouches beside Sasuke, placing himself in between Sasuke and the black pine tree.  “Because I was thinking maybe—”

 

“The pond.”

 

“Right,” Naruto drawls.  “That’s what I was going to say.”

 

“Hm.”

 

“It’s going to take a while to get started, you know,” Naruto says, “especially with uprooting the smaller weeds since you don’t want to take out chunks of dirt.  It won’t be too bad once we start moving it around, though.  But once the whole area’s clear, that’ll make it easier to get a better feel for the place.”

 

Sasuke makes another distracted noise in agreement.

 

“It must have been something.”  Naruto brandishes a small and narrow shovel, waves it in the general direction of the pond then points it towards the ground.  Parting through brittle blades of grass, the shovel pierces through the soil.  “The pond, I mean.  Even filled with all the leaves and stuff, you can tell it’s really big.”

 

“…there were fish here,” Sasuke says.  “Once.”

 

With a grunt, Naruto heaves at the long strands of thin weeds that take two hands to pull up.  “What kind?”

 

“Mostly koi.”  Sasuke picks up a shovel, identical to Naruto’s save for the red handle.  He stares at it, turns it around in one hand.  Tightening his grip around the handle, Sasuke begins to prod at the ground.  “Some goldfish and shubukin, too, probably.”

 

Naruto nods but frowns a little when he sees Sasuke struggling to dig up the weeds growing along the edge of the pond.  “That’s not…”

 

“What?” Sasuke says, trying to impale the ground with his shovel.

 

“There’s an easier way to do that.”

 

Sasuke refuses to answer.  He ignores Naruto, continues to hollow out a pretty deep looking hole considering the pile of dirt growing beside him.  Although to his credit, Sasuke doesn’t let Naruto’s loud snort affect his unsuccessful attempts to remove the weeds.

 

It’s obvious Sasuke doesn’t know what he’s doing.  He doesn’t have a clue, but of course Sasuke’s the kind of person who wouldn’t think of asking for help, especially if it means accepting any advice Naruto has to offer for something as simple as pulling up weeds. 

 

Naruto won’t question it.  Sasuke can be like that sometimes—most of the time—and Naruto considers being here in the garden with him an accomplishment in and of itself.

 

Because Naruto knows a hell of a lot more about gardening than Sasuke will ever admit to not knowing.  He wants to think that’s why Sasuke brought him here in the first place.  Still, there’s a lot of work ahead of them.  Seemingly kilometres of weeds to uproot, the dead foliage in the pond and littering the ground they have to get rid of, replenishing the soil—in general, there’s just too much to do for Naruto to sit back and watch Sasuke not swallow his pride.

 

Naruto sighs, drops his shovel on the ground and scoots next to Sasuke.  “Let’s face it.  We both know you’re not good at the whole plant thing.”

 

Sasuke doesn’t exactly scowl, but neither does he look happy about Naruto pointing out the obvious limitation.

 

“What are you trying to do—kill it?”  Naruto raises both eyebrows.  “Trust me.  It’s already dead by now.”

 

Sasuke grunts and strikes the ground a little harder with the tip of the shovel’s blade.

 

“Believe it or not,” Naruto says, “there’s actually a trick to getting at the roots without digging everything else up.”

 

“I can do this.”

 

“I never said you couldn’t do it.  I’m just trying to tell you there’s a better way to do this.”

 

“I don’t—”

 

“Here.  Let me show you.”  Naruto places his palm on top of Sasuke’s knuckles.  His thumb brushes against the side of Sasuke’s hand, and Sasuke’s grip on the red handle tightens.  “If you do it like—”

 

Sasuke rips his hand from Naruto’s and shoves Naruto away.

 

Naruto falls before awareness catches up with him.  He lands hard, sprawled on the ground.  His sits up with a wince, rubbing his lower back while glaring at Sasuke.  “What the hell was that for?  I was just trying to help you.”

 

“Did I ever say anything about needing your help?” Sasuke sneers.

 

“Like you even know what you’re doing.”

 

“It can’t be so hard that I’d need help from you.”

 

“You know what—fine.”  Naruto stands and makes a show of wiping the dirt from his pants.  He shrugs, exaggerating the careless gesture.  “You don’t need my help?  Got it.  Finish killing off what’s left of your mom’s garden for all I care.  You already did the same to everything else around you—that’s the one thing you are good at, isn’t it?”

 

Sasuke lowers his gaze and grasps at the dirt, pulls at roots that snap beneath the strain of his fingers.

 

Naruto shakes his head and scoffs.  “I didn’t want to help you anyway.”

 

...

 

Nearing the edge of the forest, Naruto can see the now familiar mahogany fence in the distance.  The wind reaches him out here.  It plays in his hair and tickles his cheeks, carries away the curse he mutters that Sasuke can’t hear.

 

The lingering frustration’s been building for a while now, seething beneath the surface of their relationship, and Naruto can’t claim ignorance when he was well aware of something that’s always been there.  The tension between them never went away.  It’s just easier to get along when they pretend things are simpler so it won’t end up like what happened a few minutes ago.

 

Leaning against a tree, Naruto closes his eyes.  He groans and rubs his eyelids, lets his fingers roam down the sides of his face.  He didn’t mean to take off like that.  He didn’t mean to say those things despite how much he still feels his anger justified the words Sasuke deserved to hear, but it was just…

 

Naruto hits the tree with the bottom of his fist, pushes himself away from it.

 

They can’t keep doing this.  It’s not fair on either of them.  Yet as much a toll as it’s taking on him—has been taking on him—Naruto still can’t bring himself to give up on Sasuke.

 

The decision to go back doesn’t take long to make.  Naruto runs through the forest, heading towards the garden with a little more urgency than he’s willing to admit.  However, the relief he expects when he reaches the garden suddenly feels like a burden.

 

The scene that meets him is the same one he left behind, stuck in a moment where time seemingly stopped without him.

 

Right where Sasuke dropped it, the shovel hasn’t been moved.  Sasuke hasn’t moved, either.  He won’t look away from the ground, fingers still clutching at the dirt, face hidden by the hair falling over his face.

 

“What are you doing here?” Sasuke says.

 

“It’s obvious, isn’t it?”  Naruto paces himself, takes a breath with every other step.  He exhales when he stops next to Sasuke.  “I came back.” 

 

Releasing the dirt in his hand, Sasuke looks up, not at Naruto but towards the canopy obscuring the sky.  “I thought you didn’t care.”

 

Naruto kneels down.  He reaches for the shovel and holds it towards Sasuke.  “I lied.”

 

Sasuke looks at the shovel, curls his fingers around the red handle.  After a moment that drags out too long, finally, he looks at Naruto.  “Why?”

 

“Because I—” Naruto pauses at Sasuke’s bland expression, glances at the dirt beneath Sasuke’s nails when the look on Sasuke’s face still doesn’t change.

 

“Why did you come back?”

 

“Because I told you I was going to help you.”  Carefully, Naruto places his hand over Sasuke’s wrist, gradually slides it up far enough until his fingers almost intertwine with Sasuke’s.  “And I can’t help you if I don’t show you how to do this.”

 

Sasuke breathes, closes his eyes, and Naruto sighs when Sasuke doesn’t push him away. 

 

“Then show me.”

 

“I can’t really show you if, uh,” Naruto stammers, “if you don’t…if you don’t see it.”

 

Sasuke opens his eyes and looks down.  He flexes the fingers covered by Naruto’s hand.

 

“…yeah, so—the trick is not to dig straight down.”  Naruto tilts Sasuke’s hand, tilting the shovel towards the ground.  He tries not to think about how Sasuke’s hand fits against his and not inside of it.  “These kinds of weeds have thin roots, but they aren’t deep.  You don’t have to waste time turning over too much dirt trying to get to them.

 

“Just go at it from an angle then lift from the top layer like…”  Naruto guides Sasuke’s hand forward, making a small sweeping motion that directs the shovel down and then up.  “…like that.  Now all you have to do is pull out the weeds.”

 

“I can’t pull the weeds out like this.”

 

“...why not?” Naruto whispers, leaning towards Sasuke, maybe a little too close.  “I already showed you how to do it, right?”

 

Sasuke glances at Naruto and looks at their hands.  “I can’t do anything if you don’t let go first.”

 

“I didn’t— I wasn’t…”  Naruto doesn’t bother to hide his embarrassment but ends up making a feeble attempt at laughter.  He inhales, forces himself to let go of Sasuke’s hand.  Fingers beginning to twitch, he grabs the shovel with the blue handle.  He strikes at the ground to loosen dry soil, working around a cluster of weeds to expose the roots.

 

He drops the shovel and pulls on the roots.  They slide right out.  He presents them to Sasuke, pairing the bunched weeds in his hand with an uneasy grin.  “See?  Told you this way’s better.”

 

...

 

Close combat is one of Naruto’s strong points.  Sasuke’s not so bad himself, especially when he’s up against Naruto.  That leg-to-body-part-of-choice thing he has going is something else entirely—namely because it doesn’t count since that’s all Sasuke does—but when it comes down to bare fists, Naruto considers hand-to-hand combat his area of expertise.

 

It’s a matter of approach, really.  With or without weapons, Naruto prefers close range.  He likes to fight head-on, likes to strike before his opponent has a chance to get to him.  It helps that improvising is one of his strengths, too.   Sasuke, however, has this annoying new tendency to drag his fights out.  Unless he knows he has the advantage, Sasuke prefers to assess his opponents before making the first move.  Sometimes he’ll intentionally leave himself open until the last minute just to provoke an attack.  Then he’ll take that as an opportunity to counter using his opponent’s move against them.

 

If nothing else, the clash of techniques makes sparring with Sasuke interesting.  It’s hard to compare skill levels since they already agreed not go beyond simple kata just yet, but Naruto thinks they’re pretty evenly matched for the time being.

 

The scales tip towards his favour in terms of stamina, definitely, but what Sasuke lacks in endurance, he more than makes up for it with—

 

Naruto dodges another kick aimed at his head, ducking in time to miss the leg that smashes the trunk of the narrow tree behind him in two.  He shifts his feet, closes his stance, leans his upper body back without falling over.  Narrowly, he avoids the flat hand that almost connects with his chest.

 

Sasuke’s a little faster than he remembers from the last time, a little too eager to make his hits stick.  It’s not that Naruto has trouble anticipating Sasuke’s moves.  Rather it’s the issue of how much more assertive Sasuke is than usual.  His attacks are uncharacteristically aggressive.  Not so aggressive that Sasuke’s let his guard down, but for the past half hour or so, nonstop, Naruto’s unwillingly been put on the defensive.

 

And the fact that Sasuke hasn’t exactly given him room to do otherwise makes Naruto rethink his assumptions about Sasuke’s level of stamina.

 

It’s only been a few days since they last sparred.  A little over a week at most, which isn’t really a long time, but whatever happened in the duration that made Sasuke upset, clearly, he’s taking it out on Naruto.

 

Not that anything’s wrong with going against Sasuke like this.  Overlooking the incident outside of Ichiraku, Naruto’s been trying to get Sasuke to let go ever since they picked up on sparring again.  It’s more fun when he can push Sasuke, especially when Sasuke pushes back just as hard.  Despite their agreement not to rely on charka, sparring like this can still be exhilarating.  There’s no reason to hold back so much when limitations are already set in place.  For someone who never used to have a problem knocking Naruto to the ground on a regular basis, Sasuke’s been showing a ridiculous amount of restraint during their fights.

 

It’s almost insulting, in the sense that it feels like Sasuke isn’t taking him seriously.  Yet, at the same time, Sasuke’s restraint is part of a larger reluctance that Naruto realises might not have anything to do with him at all.

 

What makes today different, Naruto doesn’t know.  Sasuke can’t still be mad about what happened in the garden that day.  Even now, Naruto doesn’t know what he did to upset Sasuke, but it’s not like they talked about it.  They don’t have to.

 

Neither one of them is good with words anyway, but fighting’s always been a tried and true method for getting their points across.  They did it as kids.  They do it now.  It’s how they finish verbal disagreements.  Whenever they argue, regardless of who isn’t wrong or who’s not right, nine times out of ten, there’s a good chance it’ll eventually lead to fighting.

 

Because the less they talk, the less opportunity they have for the kinds of moments that make things uncomfortable between them.

 

But maybe Naruto was a little too quick to lay anger as the source of Sasuke’s aggression.  It may have started out as anger, although considering the look on Sasuke’s face, amused is probably a better word.  It’s the smug look Sasuke used to wear when they were genin, the conceited expression worn whenever he knew he had an advantage over someone, because Sasuke’s the kind of person who needs to be vindictive in order to have fun.

 

And, in this case, that someone is Naruto.

 

Still relentless, Sasuke opens his hips.  Stance relaxed, he falls into a chambering position, lifting his right knee above his waist.  He leans back, extends his right leg at the knee and launches a roundhouse kick to Naruto’s side.  But the wide delivery of the kick leaves Sasuke’s torso and left leg vulnerable.

 

Naruto circles to Sasuke’s left and counters the kick by grabbing Sasuke’s leg midair.  He moves forward to strike Sasuke in the chest, but Sasuke uses Naruto’s momentum to bolster a spinning back kick.  Twisting out of Naruto’s hold, as soon as the ball of his right foot touches the ground, Sasuke pivots, left leg snapping up towards Naruto’s stomach.

 

Naruto sidesteps the kick, positioning himself behind the back Sasuke leaves exposed in the time it takes to bring his leg down.  Before Naruto can get in a hit, however, without turning around, Sasuke links the fingers of both hands and thrusts his right elbow at Naruto.

 

But the backwards jab is a feint.  When Naruto moves to intercept the strike, Sasuke drops down.  One hand planted flat on the ground, Sasuke turns out his leg and sweeps Naruto’s feet from under him.

 

It’s a ridiculously basic manoeuvre that leaves Naruto sprawled on the ground.  He wheezes from the impact, gives up a few heavy pants, takes a second or three to just lie there because he can’t believe he fell for something so simple.  Then again, it’s Naruto’s fault for getting too comfortable with Sasuke’s penchant to fall back on a combination of high and midrange kicks.

 

Sasuke’s standing again, looking down at him with that amused glint in his eyes Naruto supposes he deserves this time.  After a moment, when Naruto doesn’t try to get up, Sasuke extends his arm to him.  His mouth forms into something almost like a smirk, although maybe it’s more like a smile because it’s the first time in a while Naruto really notices the small dimple on Sasuke’s right cheek.

 

With his thumb, Naruto wipes the corner of his mouth and returns the not quite smirk with a grin.  He reaches out to accept Sasuke’s hand, uses it to pull himself up.  Nodding his head in thanks, Naruto rubs at the grass stains on his shirt that probably won’t come out.  “I gave you that one.”

 

The edge of Sasuke’s hand heads straight for the side of Naruto’s neck.  He stops when his hand grazes Naruto’s skin, but Naruto already has a hold on Sasuke’s wrist anyway.

 

“This one, too?” Sasuke says, soft and low, and Naruto chuckles because he almost did.

 

Bringing Sasuke’s hand closer, Naruto tightens his grip on Sasuke’s wrist, leans into the fingers now brushing against his skin.  “…maybe.”

 

Sasuke’s staring.  Naruto’s breathing.  It feels like they’re in a deadlock, except for the fact that either one of them can move at anytime.  Something flickers in Sasuke’s eyes, almost expectant in the way it makes his grip on Sasuke unsteady, and only then does Naruto realise how close they are.

 

Because he and Sasuke are really close.  Too close.  Close enough that Naruto can see the actual beads of sweat on Sasuke’s forehead, can feel Sasuke’s breath hot on his face.  It’s the kind of close Sasuke normally wouldn’t allow, the kind of close during fights that Naruto gives the upper hand, but Naruto’s too busy reeling at the unexpected feeling of intimacy to think about having the advantage.

 

So it doesn’t matter why Sasuke hasn’t pulled away yet because Naruto does it for him.  He drops Sasuke’s hand and disappears behind strategically placed wisps of smoke.

 

He hasn’t done this in a while—more like since he was twelve—but five years isn’t too long for Naruto to forget something that had him constantly at the receiving end of Sakura’s fists.

 

Although the pose he’s in isn’t lewd, oddly enough, it’s still suggestive in a way he can appreciate.  He doesn’t have the figure to pull off Hinata’s cleavage, but his breasts are just as perky.  His thighs are firm.  His hips are wide.  He tries to combine the qualities he’s grown to find attractive in girls over the years in this form, because for whatever reason, the jutsu is the immediate reaction to his closeness with Sasuke.  More importantly, though, it effectively gets a reaction out of Sasuke, even if it isn’t the one Naruto’s expecting.

 

Sasuke stumbles back, takes a few steps away from Naruto.  Yet the surprise on his face is brief, maybe too brief for it to have been there at all.  The effect on Sasuke’s face is guarded, but he doesn’t look unreceptive so much as he looks indifferent.

 

And then the anger comes back, the same angry expression Sasuke held outside of Ichiraku that somehow feels more like disappointment this time around.  He connects the heel of his palm with the bottom of Naruto’s chin.  The impact makes Naruto bite his tongue hard enough to draw blood, sends him hurling.

 

The jutsu dissipates when he hits the ground head first, face pressed into the dirt and rear end up in the air.  He struggles to sit up but falls back down, releasing a moan that causes Sasuke to sneer.

 

“You’re too old for that.”

 

Out of the corner of his eye, Naruto catches the shaking fist Sasuke forces to his side.  He curls into himself when Sasuke scoffs, shuts his eyes when he sees Sasuke turn around and walk away.

 

“Too fucking old, Naruto.”

 

...

 

“You have to admit,” Kiba says with a wide grin, “Sasuke got you pretty good.”

 

“For the last time,” Naruto mumbles, “will you _please_ let it go?”

 

“Not when something like this is becoming routine for you.”

 

“We were fighting,” Naruto says.  “Isn’t it normal to get a few scrapes and bruises when you’re fighting?  Doesn’t everybody get a few scrapes and bruises when they’re fighting?”

 

“Uh-huh,” Kiba says, blatant in his ogling of the bruise on Naruto’s chin.  “Good thing you heal fast.”

 

Naruto groans.

 

“That means I should expect this to be a weekly thing for you, right?”

 

“Can you seriously not do this to me?”

 

“I am being serious,” Kiba says.  “Lately, whenever I see you, it’s like you have this obsession with getting hurt.  And now I’m starting to think worse of you than I already do.”

 

“What’s that supposed to—?”

 

“This desire to get hurt, is it some kind of weird fetish I don’t want to know about?”

 

“No, really.  Just stop it.”

 

“I mean, it’s not unheard of when Sakura does it—or did it, since it’s almost like you’re using Sasuke to fulfil your destructive tendencies instead.”

 

“Kiba…”

 

“If you’re still trying to decide if you like Sasuke, that connection I was talking about before, it’s getting really obvious.  Because it’s actually starting to seem like you’re trying to replace Sakura with Sasuke.”

 

There’s a tic on Naruto’s forehead.

 

“But if that’s the case, if that’s all you ever wanted your relationship with Sakura to be, I can see why you never got anywhere with her.”

 

Naruto’s eye begins to twitch.

 

Kiba’s gaze wanders back to Naruto’s chin.  “So this thing with Sasuke should be—”

 

Naruto throws a thin slice of pickled ginger at Kiba’s face.  “Shut up.”

 

...

 

 

Sasuke won’t say why he hit him, and Naruto’s a little too out of his depth to demand an apology for something he arguably didn’t not deserve, so the resulting awkward situation he created between them is left at that.

 

Which, of course, Naruto’s more than okay with.  Because trying to figure out why Sasuke was so bothered by the jutsu means trying to understand why Sasuke’s words from that day are still bothering him, and honestly, Naruto would prefer not to put too much thought into it.

 

In the time it takes Sasuke to forget what spurred the bruise on Naruto’s chin, their sparring is kept to a minimum—practically nonexistent—and replaced with more frequent trips to the garden. 

 

They’re nowhere near finished, but it looks a whole lot better than the bleak place Sasuke first introduced him to.  They’ve made some headway.  With the path leading to the garden, they’ve cleared a lot of the dead bamboo and the tall weeds sucking up too many nutrients from the soil.  The needles from the black pine tree, among the other dead foliage scattered on the ground, are long gone.  The pond’s free of debris. 

 

It’ll probably take a few more months to do anything more with it, but at least the soil’s starting to look healthier.  It feels softer in between Naruto’s fingers, takes on a slightly darker tint.  It’s too dark to tell now, but even the grass looks a little less dull if he tries to view it in the right light during the day.  Naruto doesn’t expect any significant changes so late in the year, but hopefully there’ll be some kind of turnaround by spring, if they’re lucky.

 

Whatever the amount, progress is progress.  The garden seems more spacious, not as modest as it first appeared.  A hundred and one things immediately pop into Naruto’s head about what to do with it, but, despite his suggestions, ultimately, he knows it’s not his decision to make.

 

“Water hyacinth looks nice in ponds,” Naruto says, flicking a bug from his nose, “in case you’re thinking about adding any plants.  Lavender’s a good colour, against all the green.  Goes with the whole traditional theme you want to keep.  Yellow and pink are nice, too, but those are kind of rare.”

 

“I don’t think I’ve seen any before.”

 

“You’ll like them because they’re really pretty.  Remind me to show you some pictures when we go back.  We’ll stop by my place before you go home.”

 

“Mm-hm.”

 

“Do you want fish in the pond, too, when everything else is finished?”

 

“I haven’t decided.”

 

“Because I know a guy who breeds koi,” Naruto says, “if you’re interested.”

 

Sasuke makes another low hum, raises his arms and places them under his head.  His elbow brushes against Naruto’s arm, making it impossible for Naruto to blame the wind for the way his skin tingles.

 

Clearing his throat, Naruto adds, “Like I said, if you’re interested…”

 

With no answer from Sasuke, the conversation lapses into silence, but Naruto doesn’t really mind.  It’s a comfortable silence, not that different from the calm he’s used to sharing with Sasuke on their hill.  And even though it’s hard to see the stars through the dense crown of the trees above them, Naruto can still find the sky through the small pockets of leaves. 

 

He pulls on the sleeve of his jacket and rolls it back, does the same to the other one.  As cool as it was earlier, the humidity at night that’s been rampant since early May has yet to let up.  Not covering a yawn, Naruto sets his hand on the ground and begins to sit up.  He looks down, surprised to see Sasuke’s eyes are closed.

 

“…Sasuke?”

 

Sasuke doesn’t answer, and for a moment, Naruto has to wonder if he’ll have to wake him up.  It’s not like Sasuke hasn’t ignored him before.  Still, whether Sasuke’s resting his eyes or not, it’s getting late, and Naruto’s not trying to spend the night in the garden.

 

He says Sasuke’s name again, voice dropping to a whisper.  Leaning over, he reaches to push away the hair on Sasuke’s forehead, tucks it behind Sasuke’s ear.

 

“Sasuke,” he says again, frowning at the lack of response.  Positioning himself over Sasuke, Naruto props himself on the ground with hands that frame Sasuke’s face.  His legs follow, and the grass rustles beneath him as he kneels next to Sasuke.

 

But his palms are starting to feel sweaty.  The grass is slippery between his fingers, the ground suddenly too shaky to bear his weight, and Naruto lets gravity close the gap separating him from Sasuke, slowly, one precious second at a time.

 

Sasuke’s eyes shoot open.  Naruto falters, bends his elbows too much when he almost falls on top of Sasuke.  Yet Sasuke doesn’t react.  He doesn’t move, doesn’t blink.  Somehow, Sasuke doesn’t do anything to deter Naruto.

 

Doing this kind of thing with Sasuke, he knows it’s brash.  It’s the kind of thing so incredibly reckless and stupid, one of those spur of the moment ideas Kiba would have tried to talk him out of, but Naruto still continues to lean down.  He’s almost there.  It’s only a little bit further.  The distance between them so small now, he presses his lips against Sasuke’s before he has a chance to really think about what he’s doing.

 

And then he stops.

 

Sasuke’s still unresponsive, still isn’t doing anything, and the reality of what’s he’s doing—who he’s doing it to—makes Naruto tremble at the realisation that Sasuke isn’t kissing back.

 

There’s nobody here to push him into Sasuke this time, but the excuses begin to flood Naruto’s mind.  It was an accident.  He fell.  He only wanted to see if Sasuke was awake.  It was the kind of atmosphere where it was supposed to be okay for that sort of thing.  He did it because he wouldn’t have done it to Sakura, did it to Sasuke simply because Sasuke isn’t Sakura, and it’s for that reason alone a simple brush of their lips starts to develop into an inexplicable notion that shouldn’t already be there.

 

So while Sasuke continues to stare, Naruto holds his body steady over him, doesn’t straighten his arms and continues to watch because he can’t bring himself to turn away.

 

Lying underneath Naruto like this, Sasuke looks strangely exposed.  The hair fanned around his head seems darker against the lifeless grass, and Sasuke lies there just as still.  Everything that’s Sasuke is laid out before him, a little more open than he’s ready to see, but it’s Naruto who feels vulnerable beneath Sasuke’s stare.

 

Sasuke’s always had this way of making him feel smaller.  Not so much in the physical sense anymore, but there’s something especially overwhelming about seeing Sasuke like this.  There’s something tentative about the way Sasuke’s looking at him, something liable to disappear if Naruto thinks about it too long.

 

But the calm is broken when Sasuke’s eyes narrow, his lips twisting into a scowl, and Naruto’s flying—falling—backwards onto the ground.

 

...

 

The Tuesday he tries and fails not to think about kissing Sasuke a mere half hour ago, Naruto shows up at Kiba’s door and proceeds to haul him to the bar.  Because even if it’s only two days after Sunday and Kiba’s constant complaining turns the five minute walk to the bar into an hour long trek, it’s still the same Tuesday he kissed Sasuke, and Naruto’s trying to hold himself together through one of the least problematic ways he knows how.

 

“You know,” Kiba says, in between the chopsticks he’s pointing towards Naruto the last piece of fried pork belly, “if we’re going to keep meeting up like this—when it’s not Sunday—you’re going to have to start paying for me again.  This kind of pastime is turning into an expensive hobby.   It adds up, you know.”

 

Naruto tries to laugh.  The sound begins to build in his throat, but he can barely manage a smile.  “You’re going to charge me for being my friend?”

 

Kiba puts the pork belly in his mouth, chews and swallows.  “I _could_ be with Ino, but instead…”

 

In one swig, Naruto finishes the rest of his beer.  “You’re the one who keeps getting more alcohol.”

 

“At this kind of place, that’s what we’re supposed to do.”  Kiba grins and waves down the bartender for another beer.  His grin falters when he slides the bottle towards Naruto.  “Naruto, hey, what—”

 

“I think I messed up, Kiba,” Naruto croaks.  He sniffs and takes a deep breath, wraps the cold bottle of beer in his fingers.  “Really, really messed up.”

 

Kiba lowers his chopsticks and places them on a napkin.  “Not just choked?”

 

“Definitely not just choked.”

 

“I’m almost afraid to ask, but…what’d you do?”

 

“I, um…”  Naruto licks his lips.  He reads and rereads the label on the beer, reads the same characters once more and again.  He opens the beer and downs as much as he can in a few gulps.  The bottle is nearly empty when Naruto places it back on the counter.  “…I kissed Sasuke.”

 

“…oh.”  Kiba squirms.  Leg bouncing on the footrest of the stool, he opts to look at anything that brings Naruto out of his line of vision.  “I, uh…I guess you decided you like Sasuke.”

 

Naruto nods, if only because he doesn’t know if he can admit to something like that out loud.  He’s surprised he was able to tell Kiba about kissing Sasuke, but he doesn’t think he can say it again.  He’s scared to.  Saying it again would make it seem that much more concrete, make him that much more aware the kiss happened at all, and bring back the sort of adrenaline high that won’t let Naruto forget the feel of pressing his lips against Sasuke’s.

 

“But don’t you still like Sakura?” Kiba says.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Yes?”

 

“I mean no.”  Naruto runs a hand through his hair then lets it fall in his lap.  He reaches for the beer again.  “Maybe—if it still matters.  It might not anymore.”

 

“I don’t know what you want me to say.”

 

“Sasuke’s not Sakura, so…”

 

“Not that anyone other than you would confuse them, but really, what were you thinking?”  Kiba makes a face.  “If you were thinking at all, that is.”

 

“I don’t know.  Me and Sasuke—we were good.  Everything was fine until I...”

 

“Until you kissed him.”

 

“I just—I know I said I didn’t want to make it into something,” Naruto says.  “The thought of liking Sasuke was there, but it wasn’t supposed to come to this.  It wasn’t supposed to mean anything.”

 

“…but now it does.”

 

“Yeah.”  Naruto lifts his bottle by the neck, swirls the beer inside.  “Now it does.”

 

...

 

It’s not so much that he’s avoiding Sasuke as it is he’s avoiding the issue of the kiss he’d rather pretend never happened, but Naruto makes a concentrated effort not to run into Sasuke all the same.

 

Not that avoiding Sasuke is hard.  Their usual haunts are limited to their hill, anywhere in the Uchiha district, and the garden beyond the mahogany fence.  He can count on his hands the number of times he’s been to Sasuke’s apartment.  Sasuke’s been to Naruto’s apartment maybe less than that.  Outside of those places, the ones only they share, his chances of running into Sasuke are few and far in between.

 

There’s Sakura’s place, too, probably, but it’s easier for Naruto not to imagine Sasuke spending that much time with someone else.  It’s already too much of a hassle trying not to wonder how much Sasuke’s done without him—if Sasuke’s replaced those bookshelves in the library, if he’s finally fixed the leaky faucet Naruto didn’t mean to break again after Sasuke fixed it the first time, or if Sasuke’s actually able to keep up with the garden by himself.

 

The idea of Sasuke continuing to do the kinds of things they’re supposed to do together is almost enough to break Naruto’s resolve.

 

Eventually, he’s able to convince himself he isn’t too concerned if Sasuke doesn’t care to say anything.  After a couple of weeks, it doesn’t look like Sasuke’s going to confront him about it anytime soon.  And while Naruto can claim the accidentally on purpose kiss isn’t something worth losing sleep over, he can’t say he’s been in the best of moods whenever he’s awake.

 

Sakura calls him out on it, discreetly tries to get Naruto to tell her what’s wrong when she invites him to lunch on one of her rare days off.  They catch up on the days since they’ve last seen each other, talk about the seemingly nonsensical things that happen to mean everything in the world when it’s just the two of them sharing a small table at Sakura’s favourite teashop.

 

In between small sips of jasmine tea, she keeps giving Naruto these funny little looks he pointedly ignores.  Yet, to his surprise, Sakura doesn’t ask about the progress he and Sasuke have made with the restoration project.  The topic of Sasuke doesn’t even come into conversation.

 

It’s near the end of September, however, when Naruto and Sasuke are forced to come out of hiding.  No longer in a position to avoid one another, neither of them has a choice, and for the first time since that night in August, Naruto sees Sasuke.

 

That Wednesday, Naruto’s assigned his first mission in months.  He’s put on a three-man cell with Shikamaru and Sasuke to retrieve a missing-nin from Ito.  It’s an A-ranked mission, exactly the kind of thing Naruto’s been waiting for despite his misgivings about working with Sasuke this soon.  So far, very little details are being given.  Since Ito is a small and relatively new village, the mission is considered a co-op, with Konoha providing assistance in the capture of the missing-nin.  Tsunade won’t even say the name of the guy they’re after but assures them they’ll learn more when they meet with their Ito counterparts at the chosen rendezvous point.

 

Accordingly, the mission briefing doesn’t last long.  Yet the tension between Naruto and Sasuke is more than palpable on Naruto’s end.  Sasuke stands to the right of Shikamaru, continuing with his refusal to acknowledge Naruto since he came into the room.  In turn, Naruto stands to the left of Shikamaru.  He makes a bad habit of clenching and unclenching his fist, sneaking small glances at Sasuke until Tsunade snaps at him to pay attention.

 

It’s not a moment too soon when Tsunade dismisses them.  They leave for Ito in two weeks.  There’s no way Naruto’s looking forward to this mission with that kiss hanging in between him and Sasuke.  But two weeks is plenty of time to settle things, he wants to think, so as soon as Sasuke leaves Tsunade’s office, Naruto immediately goes after him.

 

The arm held out in front of him, however, prevents Naruto from going any further.

 

“We need to talk,” Shikamaru says.

 

“About what?” Naruto almost hisses.  He sighs and looks over Shikamaru’s shoulder, tries to keep Sasuke within sight.  “Look, whatever it is, can’t it wait?” 

 

Shikamaru lowers his arm.  “It’s about the mission.”                                                                                                       

 

“Later,” Naruto says.  “We’ll talk later, okay.  Tomorrow even.  I just have to—”

 

“Nine tomorrow morning, Naruto.”  Shikamaru’s expression is shrewd, hacks at the surface of Naruto’s urgency, but the apparent interest is short-lived.  Shikamaru’s features relax, and his face takes on a more familiar casual appearance.  “In front of Hokage Tower.”

 

“Nine o’clock right here.  Sure.”  Naruto nods, already moving past Shikamaru and muttering thanks behind him.  He walks a little faster.  Harried steps carry him down the hall.  They don’t carry him fast enough to run, not fast enough that he can’t avoid bumping into a few people along the way, but it’s fast enough that Sasuke isn’t too far away when Naruto makes it out of Hokage Tower.

 

He calls out Sasuke’s name, but Sasuke doesn’t slow down.  Naruto doesn’t expect him to.  Sasuke just keeps walking, and Naruto breaks into a run.

 

“I know you heard me calling you,” Naruto says, trying to cut Sasuke off.  “Pretend not to hear me all you want, but I'm not going to—”

 

Sasuke bypasses Naruto and makes a sharp left at the convenience store.

 

“Seriously, would it kill you to stop acting like I’m not here?”  Naruto takes long strides to catch up with Sasuke again.  “You can’t just not see me.”  Scowling, he waves his hand in front of Sasuke’s face. 

 

Sasuke doesn’t even blink.

 

“Have I told you lately how much of a bastard you can be?”

 

When Sasuke doesn’t answer, Naruto sighs.  He falls in step beside Sasuke.  At least the continued silent treatment includes Sasuke not saying anything about Naruto following him.

 

It almost surprises him, though.  Maybe because he’s only been here a few times before, but Naruto knows exactly where they’re headed, and in the time he doesn’t make another attempt to get Sasuke’s attention, eventually they end up in front of Sasuke’s apartment.

 

Sasuke stares at the door.  Naruto stares at Sasuke.  It takes him too long to decide what to say.

 

“…why are you ignoring me?"

 

“Didn’t Shikamaru want to talk to you?”

 

“You heard that?”

 

Sasuke takes a key out of his pocket.  He places it in the lock.  The key’s turned all the way to the left then pulled out.  It disappears inside Sasuke’s hand.  With his other hand, Sasuke reaches for the knob and turns it.  He begins to push on the door but stops, leaving Naruto with a narrow glimpse into the apartment.

 

“You’re not coming in,” Sasuke says, removing his hand from the doorknob.  He turns around to face Naruto.

 

“Who said anything about me coming in?  I just…” 

 

“What?” Sasuke snaps.

 

“I know what I did that night—”  Naruto swallows, but the dryness in his mouth won’t go away.  With Sasuke looking at him like that, he doesn’t know if there’s anything left to salvage of their relationship, doesn’t know if it’ll mean anything to try to make things feel normal again.  “I’m not trying to make excuses for it.  I just don’t want what I did to mess up what we have.”

 

“We don’t _have_ anything.”

 

“Yes, we do.  We’ve always had something.  I know I made a mistake, Sasuke.  I do.  But that doesn’t mean it has to be like this between us.”

 

Sasuke grips the key still in his hand.

 

“All I want is the chance to make up for one mistake,” Naruto says.  “After everything else, considering the mistakes you made, you owe me at least that.”

 

“I don’t owe you a damn thing, Naruto.”  Sasuke tilts his chin up, narrows his eyes.  “My mistakes have nothing to do with it, so don’t expect me to alleviate you of responsibility for something you did on your own.  It doesn’t work like that.  You can’t assume I’m going to give into something that was never there just because you want me to.”

 

“I didn’t say that.  I’m not trying to—look, I’m sorry.  If that’s what you want to hear then I’m sorry, all right, but don’t stand there and act like all that time we spent together didn’t happen.  All the other stuff we’ve been through, give me one good reason why this should be any different, why we can’t put this behind us, too.”

 

“Because we can’t.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Because.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because you…”

 

“Because I what, Sasuke?”

 

“Because you did this.”

 

The key falls out of Sasuke’s hand, makes a clinking noise on the ground that Naruto’s only vaguely aware of because Sasuke grabs Naruto’s face between his hands, pulls Naruto forward, and kisses him—really kisses him.

 

The force behind the kiss almost makes him fall over.  It’s demanding yet not harsh, firm but clumsy, and honestly, Naruto’s too stunned to pull away.  Their lips are mashed together, Sasuke’s nose bumping against Naruto’s in a way that makes Naruto wince.  The last time they kissed, Naruto doesn’t remember it being anything like this.

 

Hands still holding Naruto’s face, Sasuke slowly withdraws, but when the sensation he’s starting to get used to goes away, Naruto dives right back in.  He may have started it, but Sasuke incites an incentive to keep it going, and Naruto isn’t looking to stop now.

 

It’s sloppy at first, when he sucks on Sasuke’s upper lip, when the ridges of his tongue brush against the roof of Sasuke’s mouth.  That’s the best Naruto can come up with on short notice.  The kiss is an awkward placement of lips, too wet from shared saliva, too rigid from Sasuke holding Naruto’s head in place.

 

It’s not necessarily a bad thing.  Although Naruto can’t say it feels good, he can’t really say it doesn’t feel good, either.  Or maybe it just doesn’t feel good yet because he hasn’t discovered the right way to do this.  But it’s the second time he kissed Sasuke, after the first time Sasuke kissed him, and the fact that they haven’t stopped yet makes Naruto want to see how far he can take this.

 

His hands travel along Sasuke’s sides, slip beneath Sasuke’s shirt.  Curious fingers chase lines that evolve into impressions of odd angles.  They meet at the two dips where Naruto learns he can fit his thumbs, where he presses them into the small indentations just to make sure he’ll know where they are in the future.  Muscles in the plane of Sasuke’s back turn taut at Naruto’s touch, baring the beginnings of sharp curves that intersect with the waistband of Sasuke’s pants.

 

There’s still a tingle on Naruto’s lips as the warmth surrounding his face becomes cool.  This time, the sensation doesn’t fade when Sasuke draws back.  Sasuke lowers his arms, doesn’t pull away from the hands holding him, but Sasuke turns his head when Naruto leans forward to kiss him.

 

Naruto takes up the superficial space Sasuke created between them.  He tries to kiss Sasuke again and stops when Sasuke’s mouth moves out of reach, frowning at the fingers curled around his wrist.

 

“Do you want this?” Sasuke says.  He raises Naruto’s arm and holds it in front of the right side of his face.  His fingers apply a slight pressure to Naruto’s wrist.  Through clear eyes he watches Naruto, with a steady gaze that won’t let Naruto go.

 

The weight of Sasuke’s stare makes Naruto fidget.  There’s this funny prickling on his skin from the inside of his wrist being traced by Sasuke’s thumb that makes him shiver.  The lump forming in his throat is hard to go down.  He feels like he has too much air in his lungs, can’t push enough out at one time.  Even though he hasn’t forgotten how to breathe, Sasuke makes it difficult for Naruto to remember by not looking away.

 

“Answer me” Sasuke says.  “Do you want this?”

 

The hand still on Sasuke’s waist tightens.  Naruto can’t even admit he doesn’t know what _this_ is, much less if he wants it or not.  He’s not so convinced Sasuke knows what it is, either.

 

“Don’t do this to—” The fingers around Naruto’s wrist loosen, and slowly, Sasuke lets go.  He takes a few breaths, scoffs and drops his head on Naruto’s shoulder.  “Don’t start something you won’t be able to finish.”

 

The brush of Sasuke’s hair tickles his chin, makes Naruto’s throat feel scratchy.

 

“Tell me.”  Sasuke seizes a fistful of Naruto’s shirt.  “Say you want it.”

 

It’s too tempting to not say no—far too easy to let Sasuke pull him under—but Naruto isn’t tempted to say yes just yet.

 

Maybe if he replaces _this_ with Sasuke.  If Naruto says I want _you_ instead, he wonders if that’ll make a difference.  But he’s still not sure, because he can’t decide if that’s saying what he means or if it’s only saying what Sasuke needs to hear.  At the very least, Naruto knows he wants Sasuke to keep making him feel like this, doesn’t mind the possibility of taking it further.  He just can’t decide if wanting this feeling automatically extends to wanting Sasuke along with it.

 

He may not have any experience with guys, but he has enough experience with sex to know what he likes.  The concept of sex and having sex with Sasuke, however, leaves Naruto with a wavering uncertainty.

 

It’s not exactly sex, though.  Not yet maybe.  They could be close to getting off, but guys get off all the time.  And while the idea of guys getting each other off is uncommon, it’s not unheard of.  Whatever lies beyond that, Naruto isn’t sure.  He isn’t trying to have sex outside of Sasuke’s apartment anyway, even if no one’s around to see them, but if it does come to that at some point in time, keeping their clothes on makes it easier not to call it sex, prevents this new kind of closeness with Sasuke from being something he has to think about it.

 

But clothes are a flimsy barrier at best, the last remains of a wavering uncertainty further worn as Sasuke unbuttons Naruto’s pants.  His finger trails along the zipper.  He pulls it down and up, back down again, reveals a bulge that peeks through the fly in Naruto’s boxers.

 

“Sasuke, you—”  Naruto groans when Sasuke’s hand grabs his cock.  He sucks in his stomach, grips Sasuke’s waist, pulls him forward.  It feels good.  Really good.  The kind of good that makes Naruto wonder if it’d feel even better without the thin fabric of his boxers separating his cock and Sasuke’s fingers.  Skin on skin, nothing in between them, but he just wonders, though, only for a second or two.

 

Coming out of a haze, Naruto processes the absence of Sasuke’s hand.  “What are you—?”

 

“Naruto,” Sasuke murmurs, breathes over the skin below Naruto’s ear.  “Do you want this?”

 

Naruto blinks twice, once more.  Then he scowls.  He snatches Sasuke’s hand and puts it back over the front of his boxers.  “What kind of question is that?  You don’t just—”

 

“Do you?”  Sasuke’s fingers start to go up and down, quick to pick up speed despite the cotton material gathered in between his hand and Naruto’s cock.

 

“I…”  Naruto won’t let himself appear needy, but the moan he hears is biting, grates on his nerves like the hissed yes that comes from his mouth without his permission.  He says it again.  Louder and voice strained, the yes comes a third time.  He stops thinking about how he sounds because he doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing anymore.

 

He feels his body shift, trying to match Sasuke’s movements, but Naruto doesn’t completely let himself go.  His hands reach around Sasuke’s back.  His fingers make their way underneath Sasuke’s shirt.  His thumbs find the familiar dips and round down.  He squeezes hard, tugging Sasuke forward.  It’s enough to make Sasuke jerk and stand a little taller on his toes, enough to make Sasuke reach for Naruto so he won’t fall.

                                                                        

Naruto lifts his pelvis when Sasuke lowers his feet.  He pushes down and presses up, runs his hands along Sasuke’s sides.

 

Sasuke hisses, fingers digging into Naruto’s back.  He moves against Naruto, arches into Naruto’s chest, but the sways of Sasuke’s body are deliberate.  It’s all one sinuous motion.  The slight arch of his back curves in when Sasuke raises his hips, slides against Naruto’s cock, draws it out long and slow until he lowers his hips and raises them again.

 

It’s a combination of stops and starts more frustrating than satisfying, but Naruto keeps Sasuke close, pulls him closer still while trying to sustain the fleeting friction.  A sharp thrust almost makes him lose his balance, reminds him he’s the one holding them both up, and Naruto compensates with hands that reach to grab Sasuke by the back of his thighs.

 

A jolt goes through Sasuke.  He curses and presses his face against the hand he has on Naruto’s shoulder, mumbles something Naruto doesn’t catch.  When Sasuke starts to move again, though, Naruto holds him still.

 

He needs a moment.  Just a few seconds to wrap his head around the surreal quality of doing something like this with Sasuke.  And then maybe a couple more to deal with the way his stomach coils at the feel of Sasuke tight against him.

 

They’re in the same place they were when Sasuke kissed him, still in front of the door Sasuke didn’t open all the way.  The key on the ground is still the same distance away from Sasuke’s foot.  The sun’s in the exact same spot Naruto remembers seeing it right before he kissed Sasuke.  As drastic as having sex with Sasuke is, somehow, it still seems like nothing’s changed between them.

 

Legs shaky, Naruto wraps his arms around Sasuke’s waist.  He closes his eyes, rides out the buzz that settles comfortably in his mind.  He buries his face in Sasuke’s neck and shudders against him, doing everything in his power to ignore the small part of him that wants more than _this_.

 

...

 

“I don’t see what you have to be confused about,” Shikamaru says.  “You say it’s been more than a few months.  What’s there to figure out?  Either you still like Sakura or you don’t.”

 

“But that’s the thing.  I do like her,” Naruto says, walking alongside Shikamaru.  He folds his hands behind his head.  “It’s just that I think I could like Sasuke, too.”

 

Shikamaru regards Naruto with a raised eyebrow.  The unlit cigarette in his mouth rolls from one side to the other, bringing attention to the facial hair he decided to let grow last year.  “So you like them both?”

 

“No, that’s not…”  Naruto frowns, lets his arms fall to the side.  “That’s not what I meant.”

 

Shikamaru stops by a telephone pole near the fence, stands in the shadow.   He leans against the pole and lowers his head from the glare of the sun.  “That’s what you said.”

 

“I like Sakura and Sasuke.”  Naruto stops to stand in front of Shikamaru.  “Just in different ways.  If that sounds like it makes sense.”  He rubs his palms against his pants, brushes away the dust that’s not there.  “I’m still trying to figure it out, but—what does who I like have to do with the mission anyway?”

 

“Because it sounds like something I don’t want to get involved in.”  Shikamaru crosses his arms.  He chews on the butt of the cigarette, keeping it on the left side of his mouth.   “From what I heard, before yesterday, you and Sasuke hadn’t spoken in a while.  So when I saw you going after him then…”

 

“What’s your point?”

 

“It’s strange considering how close you’ve become lately.”

 

 “You’ve been keeping up with other people’s gossip?  Feh.  That’s not like you.”

 

“Whether it’s like me or not, when it comes to you and Sasuke, certain things can’t be helped.”

 

“Look, nobody’s asking you to step in and play mediator.”

 

“Good.  That’s what I prefer.  I’m not willing to make it my business unless I have to, Naruto.”

 

“Trust me.  You won’t.”

 

“Don’t go through the trouble of working yourself up on my account.”  Shikamaru glances to the side.  He mumbles something under his breath, turns his head with his gaze fixed on Naruto.  “I’m simply telling you not to let whatever’s going on affect this mission.  Frankly, that’s all I’m concerned about.”

 

“You know I wouldn’t let that happen.  And you know Sasuke wouldn’t, either.”

 

“It’s not my place to assume what you will and won’t do.  I can only expect you not to let anything keep you from carrying out your responsibilities, but I still need to cover my bases.  This is an important mission.  I can’t allow it to fail.  The same thing goes for Sasuke—if there’s a possibility of your personal issues hindering your abilities to execute this mission, I won’t hesitate to put in a request to have you both replaced.”

 

Jaw clenched, Naruto narrows his eyes, giving Shikamaru a curt nod.

 

“As team leader, I can’t afford to let you jeopardise the capture of that guy.  So this thing between you and Sasuke…”  Shikamaru sighs and uncrosses his arms.  He pushes himself from the telephone pole.  “Just make sure it’s taken care of before we leave, okay?”

 

...

 

That guy turns out to be Niibori Takayoshi.

 

It’s not his real name, just another one of his aliases, or rather one of the more recent names he’s picked up since his disappearance from Ito four years ago.  Considering what he’s done in those two years, more so his current reputation, it’s a wonder no one’s tried to go after him.

 

Then again, as a relatively new village, Ito isn’t known for its strength.  All the same, when Tsunade said counterparts, Naruto had been expecting to meet fellow ninja, not the two overdressed civilians waiting for them on top of the hill.  True, first impressions aren’t always reliable, but Hatsue and Fuyuki look less like they could handle themselves in a fight and more like those foreign dignitaries he’s seen passing through Konoha from time to time.

 

Either way, they’re as tight-lipped about the situation as Naruto can expect, and it takes some diplomatic prodding from Shikamaru to get them to admit to what they do know about Niibori.  If they’re supposed to find this guy, knowing why he left in the first place helps a lot more than it hurts Ito’s image.

 

Niibori started off harmless enough.  He had good parents, lived a modest way of life.  Born in a small town under Ito, he was the only child of a carpenter and a stay-at-home mom who came from a far away village, long forgotten after its destruction during the Third Shinobi War.

 

Although both his parents were civilians, Niibori wanted to be a ninja.  He failed to ever make genin, despite many attempts, and ended up stumbling through the rest of his childhood.  At sixteen, he got mixed up with the wrong crowd, was involved in some things that strained his relationship with his family.

 

He ran away at seventeen, settled in Ito and landed a job sweeping the floor of a weapons shop.  He stayed there for a good while, was even offered the chance to be the swordsmith’s apprentice until he fell back into old habits.  After being linked to a string of small crimes in the area, Niibori was sent to confinement.

 

Because it was his first offence, he was given a light sentence, no more than two months followed by a short probationary period.  Less than a week later, though, Niibori escaped.  Ito didn’t send anyone after him.

 

A guy severely lacking in any worthwhile practical skills, even with his stint at the weapons shop, four years ago, Niibori wasn’t seen as a threat.  He’d been a pickpocket who vandalised buildings in his spare time and someone who wasn’t missed.  But those same four years were enough to turn a boy with a delinquent past into a man with more than shady ambitions.

 

After defecting from Ito, he became a self-made informant, weaving in and out of many of the smaller villages and posing on Ito’s behalf to collect information sellable to the highest bidder.  It didn’t take long for word to get out about The Two-faced Man from Ito, but by then the damage had already been done, wreaking havoc on many of Ito’s fledgling relationships with other villages.

 

Yet instead of going into hiding, Niibori began to reinvent himself.   He became notorious for his frequent change of appearance, disguised by as many faces as he had names to fuel a monetary greed that gave way into a hunger to obtain money by any means necessary.

 

He hasn’t made a stir in any of the major hidden villages, but even on a small scale, Niibori’s already attracted a lot of unwanted attention back to Ito, ample enough that they’ve contracted Konoha to do something about him.

 

“What about Niibori’s reported bloodline limit?” Shikamaru says.  “Can you be certain those claims aren’t true?”

 

Hatsue’s mouth almost edges into a frown.  A breeze makes her eyes flutter, whips past dangling earrings that continue to clink when Hatsue turns her head to Fuyuki.

 

Fuyuki folds his arms across his chest, hiding them inside the large sleeves of his robe.  “We don’t have records indicating Niibori has any kind of bloodline limit.”

 

Standing next to Shikamaru, on the far side of Naruto, Sasuke says, “You don’t have complete records of Niibori’s family history, either.”

 

“While we can’t be certain of Niibori’s abilities,” Hatsue says, turning her gaze from Sasuke to Shikamaru, “at the very least, during his time in Ito, they were either latent or highly underdeveloped.”

 

Shikamaru taps his fingers against his pants, against the pack of cigarettes protruding from the front pocket.  “That you know of.”

 

“No,” Fuyuki says.  “Of this we can be certain.  From the information we’ve gathered, those abilities are a recent development, acquired only after Niibori fled.”

 

Hatsue makes a soft sound in agreement.  “We’ve tracked Niibori’s most recent activity to Higashi.  Although the sightings have been sporadic at best, we’ve confirmed multiple in this vicinity.”

 

“Way out here in this kind of place…”  Naruto looks down at the town below the hill, small save for the vast amount of field surrounding it.  “When you say vicinity, how much coverage are we talking about?” 

 

“A fifty kilometre radius.  Possibly more.”

 

Naruto holds back a snort.  Not real specific but at least it’s somewhere to start.

 

“To avoid attracting any unnecessary attention,” Fuyuki says, “we won’t continue with you beyond this point.  However, your basic needs will be provided for.  Indefinitely, as was agreed.”

 

“Provided what you say of Niibori is true,” Shikamaru says, pushing down on the pack of cigarettes, “hopefully indefinitely won’t be the case.”

 

Hatsue nods.  “We’ll leave the rest to you.”

 

...

 

The innkeeper looks up at Shikamaru’s voice, surprise etched on his flushed face as his feet make an unceremonious landing from the counter to the floor while he scrambles to do away with the magazine in his lap.

 

After a moment stretched uncomfortably long, he stops flailing.  He sits up in his chair, blinks, and adjusts his large glasses.  “Oh.  You’re just customers.”  He places the magazine on the counter, open to a particularly revealing spread.  “I thought you were my wife.”

 

Sasuke turns his head to the side, Shikamaru coughs, and Naruto wills down an oncoming blush as he averts his gaze to anywhere but the magazine.

 

“Um…”

 

“Oh, yes.  First things first.  Reservations under Hideyoshi, you said?”  The innkeeper disappears under the counter, reappearing with a thin book he opens on top of the magazine.  He puts his finger on the second page and pauses at the writing in the eighth row.

 

“We don’t get customers normally.  Higashi being such a small town, business is rare.  Having three people at once, however unexpected, is certainly a welcome surprise, though.”

 

He removes his finger from the page and looks up.  “So which one of you is Hideyoshi?”

 

“We all are,” Shikamaru says.

 

The innkeeper regards the three of them warily, looking from Shikamaru to Naruto and then glancing at Sasuke.  Considering the magazine he was reading, making any kind of assumption about them is the last thing he has the right to do.  “All three of you are under the name Hideyoshi?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Maybe there was some kind of misunderstanding?  I know we don’t have much in the way of accommodations, but we’re not that small.  If you need another room—or two—we’re conveniently vacant.”

 

Rubbing his forehead, Shikamaru mutters under his breath.

 

“I suppose it doesn’t matter if one of you doesn’t mind sleeping on the extra futon,” the innkeeper says, “because we do offer two beds to each room—although even then I can’t imagine why you wouldn’t ask for another room when given that option—but are you sure the three of you want to—?”

 

“ _Yes_.”

 

“Hmm…”  The innkeeper looks down at the book then closes it, again exposing the open magazine on the counter when he moves to put the book away.  “I guess the room is reserved for three people.  But again, if you do decide to change your mind, I can always—”

 

“The key,” Sasuke says, stepping in front of Shikamaru and Naruto.

 

The innkeeper recoils in his chair.  Keeping his eyes on Sasuke, with a shaky hand, he reaches under the counter for a key.  He flings it on the counter, staying out of Sasuke’s reach.  “…you’re in the third room to the left,” he squeaks.

 

Sasuke grabs the key and doesn’t wait for Naruto and Shikamaru before heading towards the room.

 

Naruto turns to the innkeeper, sparing a few glances in Sasuke’s direction to keep the magazine out of his peripheral.  “Do we need to—?”

 

“No.  No, you’re fine.  I was told ahead of time.  Everything’s already been covered, just…”

 

“Thanks.  We, uh…”

 

“Please don’t mention it.”  After a pause, the innkeeper says, “Really.  My wife would kill me if she found out what I get up to when she’s gone.”

 

Naruto looks to Shikamaru, who’s about as helpful as Sasuke on one of his better days, which actually isn’t very helpful at all.  Nonetheless, he ends up following Shikamaru’s example, because walking away seems like the most reasonable thing to do in this situation.

 

When he’s alone again, the innkeeper snorts, picking up the magazine to place in his lap.  He puts his feet back on the counter and slouches in his chair.

 

“Weirdoes.”

 

...

 

“That went well,” Naruto mutters, dropping his bag by the door.  “Not wanting to attract unnecessary attention my ass—like three guys rooming together doesn’t.”

 

“You’re not paying for it,” Sasuke says, sitting on the edge of the narrow bed by the window.

 

“Sure, that’s what you say now.”

 

Shikamaru sets his bag at the foot of the other bed.  “That kind of suspicion is preferable.”

 

“I know, but still…”

 

“Put up your own money for another room if you don’t want to share,” Sasuke says.

 

With a sigh, Naruto plops himself beside Sasuke, feet flat on the floor as he lies down and places his hands behind his head.  He peers at the ceiling, blowing at the hair fallen over his left eye.  “You’re awfully talkative today, aren’t you?”

 

Ignoring Naruto, Sasuke pulls his forehead protector off and puts it on the nightstand by the bed.

 

“Right where Fuyuki said it would be,” Shikamaru says.  He kneels next the bookshelf by the closet.  He lifts a wooden box from the bottom shelf and takes it to the small square table in the centre of the room.

 

“The shogi set?” Naruto sits up, elbow accidently bumping Sasuke’s leg.  Sasuke doesn’t exactly shy away, but he goes stiff for a second or two, and Naruto stares at him for twice as long.

 

Shikamaru’s voice snaps him out of it, though, and Naruto gets up from the bed.  He can worry about Sasuke’s strange behaviour later.

 

“No seal?” he says, sitting on his knees across from Shikamaru.

 

Shikamaru makes a vague noise as he opens the box that’s really a foldable board.  Inside the box, along with the shogi pieces, are two rolled-up papers.  Shikamaru sets the board on the floor after taking out the papers.  One he tosses to Sasuke, the other he smoothes out over the table.

 

Naruto picks up four shogi pieces and places them at each corner of the paper.  “Somehow, looking at the layout of this place doesn’t make Higashi seem any smaller.” 

 

Opening the paper in his hand, Sasuke crosses his legs on the bed, sitting above Naruto and Shikamaru.  “It’s a map.”

 

“I can see that,” Naruto says, biting the inside of his cheek.  He stops himself from sending Sasuke a look from over his shoulder.  “But what would a guy like Niibori want with a place like this?  It’s nothing but a bunch of farmland.”

 

“Which makes it a good hiding place for someone on the run,” Shikamaru says.

 

“I guess…”  Both hands on the edge of the table, Naruto looks down at the map.  “But wouldn’t you think someone would notice?  I mean, with Higashi being this close to Ito, wouldn’t it be too obvious of a hiding place?

 

“A town this secluded?  Not so conspicuous if you don’t know where to look.  Add that to the fact it’s taken so long for anyone to approach Niibori—Ito doesn’t have the same resources as Konoha.”

 

“Understatement of the year,” Naruto mutters.  “So if Niibori’s hiding anywhere, it’s going to be somewhere out there.”

 

“Most likely.  Remember most of the farmland is actually deserted.”

 

“Meaning plenty of places to hide,” Sasuke says.

 

Shikamaru nods.  “Depending on when Niibori comes, we might not have much time to scout the area.”

 

“How much ground should we expect to cover tomorrow?” Naruto says.

 

“We’ll start here and here.”  Shikamaru places two fingers near the bottom left corner of the map and walks them towards the centre.  “About thirty kilometres east of the forest, we’ll circle the streambed then work our way through anything we find along the way back.”

 

“In other words,” Naruto says, “a lot.”

 

“Hatsue said their sightings of Niibori have been inconsistent.  Without a timeframe, we can’t be sure when Niibori will make another appearance—hence the sense of urgency.”

 

“Or Niibori could already be in Higashi, waiting for us to make a move.”

 

“There’s that, too.”

 

“Looks like we’ll be here for a while.”  Naruto heaves a sighs and stretches his arms above his head.  “The whole thing’s starting to sound like some kind of glorified stakeout.”

 

“It probably will be.  But that doesn’t mean we can let our guard down.  We’re unprepared as it is.”  Shikamaru looks at Sasuke.  “Any of those names stand out to you?” 

 

“No.  But when I travelled through Mitsu two years ago, there was a man rumoured to have had close ties with the daimyo.”

 

Dropping his arms, Naruto turns to face Sasuke.  “Do you remember the guy’s name?  Is it on the list?  Did you run into him?  Was he—?”

 

“If I did, I would have said something.”

 

“Tch.”  Naruto scratches the back of his neck.  “It was just a question.  No need to be like that about it.” To Shikamaru, he says, “Hey, wasn’t Mitsu’s daimyo assassinated last month?  Do you think Niibori had anything to do with that?”

 

“Kido was forced to resign not too long after I left,” Sasuke says.  “Takasugi was killed.”

 

“Still,” Naruto says, “Hatsue said Niibori was only recently sighted around this area.  That can’t be a coincidence, right?  I mean, Mitsu’s not that far away from Ito.  And if all that stuff about Niibori is true…”

 

“Three years with no consistent accounts of Niibori’s whereabouts—it’s possible.”  Shikamaru takes the shogi pieces off the map and places them inside the board.  He rolls up the map, putting it away with the shogi pieces.  “If those rumours were about Niibori, is there a chance he’d recognise you, Sasuke?”

 

“I only spent two days in Mitsu.”

 

“That doesn’t seem like enough time,” Naruto says, “especially if you didn’t even run into Niibori.”

 

“Honestly, I doubt it, too,” Shikamaru says, “but I’d prefer to err on the side of caution.”

 

Naruto frowns.  “So now what?  We don’t know when Niibori’s coming, if he’s coming at all.  And as dangerous as this guy’s supposed to be, we still don’t know what he’s capable of—even with a bloodline limit.  He can copy other people’s techniques, yeah, but that doesn’t say anything about how good he is at using them.”

 

“It’s more like Niibori can emulate what he sees.”

 

“Kind of like…”  Naruto glances at Sasuke.  A watered down version of the Sharingan, he almost says, but of course he won’t in front of Sasuke.

 

“It’s not the same as learning an opponent’s technique,” Sasuke says.  “It’s instant mimicry.”

 

“The effects are supposedly temporary.”  Shikamaru digs in his pocket for a pack of cigarettes.  He flicks it open with his thumb and takes out a cigarette, slowly brings it to his mouth but doesn’t light it.  “Even with what we don’t know about him, it’s not an assumed bloodline limit that makes Niibori dangerous.  It’s the kind of information he’s carrying.

 

“If Niibori had been that close to Kido a couple of years ago, there’s no telling how much leverage he has or who’s under his influence now.  Knowing what he does, sensitive information like that can be detrimental in the wrong hands, especially in the event someone has plans in taking over Ito.  That kind of thing has a tendency to escalate.  Quickly.  That last thing we need is a civil war on our hands.”

 

“I guess when Fuyuki said Ito wanted Niibori dead or alive,” Naruto says, “he really meant dead instead of alive.”

 

“I should think so.”  

 

Sasuke rolls up the list and tosses it back to Shikamaru.  “Fuyuki and Hatsue neglected to say a lot of things they meant.”

 

“Ito’s socially isolated enough that they might not know we have a way to work around whatever they were reluctant to tell us,” Shikamaru says.  “The Hokage wants to keep it that way.”

 

Naruto watches Sasuke from the corner of his eye but looks to Shikamaru before Sasuke can catch him in the act.  “All that before we hand Niibori over?  Even though Fuyuki and Hatsue said they weren’t staying in Higashi, they’re not gone for good.  As soon as we have Niibori, they’re going to be right behind us.  What are we supposed to do then?”

 

“Improvise,” Shikamaru says, “like you always do.”

 

“I don’t know whether to take that as an insult or a compliment.”

 

“It’s not your unpredictability I’m worried about—it’s Niibori’s.  I don’t like the idea of going up against this guy blind any more than you do, but…”

 

“It almost feels like we’re sitting ducks.”

 

“In some ways.”  Shikamaru frowns and draws the cigarette away from his mouth.  “But until that time with Niibori comes, we don’t have a choice.”

 

...

 

Apparently, a good bit of that deserted farmland is still in use, Naruto discovers the hard way after stepping in a pile of manure.  Higashi has to sustain itself somehow, Sasuke says, which Naruto responds to with a heartfelt thanks for pointing out the obvious, because no, he couldn’t have figured that out from those two cows grazing over there by the fence.

 

It takes two weeks to get rid of the smell stuck to the bottom of his right sandal, although Sasuke and Shikamaru won’t allow Naruto to bring either of his sandals in their room.  They make him leave them outside the door before coming inside, completely ignoring Naruto’s griping about the nosy innkeeper giving him even funnier looks because of it—like it’s any of that guy’s business where he puts his shoes, showing up with those kinds of magazines and reading them out in the open like that.

 

The day Naruto’s able to sneak his sandals into the room without Sasuke throwing them back out, however, also marks two weeks since they came to Higashi, and there’s still no sign of Niibori. 

 

It’s a waiting game.  Like Shikamaru said, with no timeframe, they can’t predict when Niibori will show up, and that’s only if he still plans on coming to Higashi at all.

 

They take turns patrolling the area, breaking into three separate shifts that overlap every six hours and keeping an eye out on a couple of suggestive trails.  At most, only two of them are at the inn during their downtime, fortunately, which means no one has to resort to using the questionable looking futon in the closet.  Shikamaru has his own bed, and Sasuke doesn’t say anything when Naruto takes the bed by the window whenever Sasuke’s not there.  Sometimes, while he’s waiting to switch shifts with Shikamaru, Naruto will find room on the narrow bed to lie awake beside Sasuke, even if Sasuke’s not really sleeping, but Sasuke doesn’t say anything about that, either.

 

Most of the time is uneventful, though, to the point where it’s even affecting Shikamaru.

 

Naruto stares at the shogi board on the table.  “Something tells me you’re not taking this seriously.”

 

“I’m bored,” Shikamaru says, fiddling with that same pack of cigarettes he’s been rationing so he won’t have to buy more.  “If I wanted a challenge, I would have asked Sasuke to play.”

 

“Hey—”

 

“But since Sasuke doesn’t like to play, I won’t waste my time asking.”

 

“…you know,” Naruto says after a moment, regretting where he moved his gold general when he realises Shikamaru’s about to beat him for the fifth time in an hour, “this isn’t the way to treat the person you’re using to alleviate your boredom.”

 

Despite how often they play, unsurprisingly, Naruto’s skills don’t improve in the least.  But when he’s not losing against a Shikamaru antsy enough to deny himself the occasional smoke or trying to deal with a standoffish Sasuke who seems even more so than usual, Naruto somehow manages to keep his mind intact.  He makes the most of his time during his shifts alone, running off any residual frustration and anxiety through the open fields then coming back the next day to do it all over again.

 

Yet Hatsue and Fuyuki’s intel ultimately pays off, and it’s the last Wednesday in November, late in the afternoon during the overlap between Naruto’s and Shikamaru’s watch, that they encounter Niibori.

 

“Someone’s coming.”  Naruto gestures with his head to the left.  “The signature’s pretty faint, still a few kilometres off, but…”

 

“Niibori?” Shikamaru says.

 

“I’m guessing.  Hatsue and Fuyuki don’t have that much chakra.  And nobody from town comes this far out.  It’s too close to the border.”

 

“How fast?”

 

“Slow.  If it is him, I don’t think he suspects anything yet.”

 

“Is one of your clones close enough to reach Sasuke?”

 

“Should be.  He probably picked up on it before I—”  Naruto pauses when Sasuke suddenly appears next to Shikamaru.  “—did.”  The corner of his mouth turns down into something that’s almost a frown.  “You’re getting a little too good at that.”

 

Sasuke ignores the backwards compliment.  “You still have another one of those clones running around.”

 

“Following Niibori?”  Shikamaru turns from Sasuke to Naruto.  “How far would you say he is now?”

 

“Somewhere close to the big farmhouse with the silo.  The empty one near the bottom of that hill.”

 

“That’ll give us a twenty minute window at least.  The sooner we can bring Niibori down, the better.  We know this place well enough by now.”

 

“Change of plans?” Sasuke says.

 

Shikamaru grunts.  “Naruto, you’re going to draw Niibori out—get him panicked, push him towards the house.  Just don’t be obvious about it.  I’ll be following you from behind, but we can’t afford to give him any ideas if he sees more than one of you.”

 

“Got it.”

 

“Sasuke, you’re coming in from the back, south of the streambed.  You’re fast enough to circle around before we arrive at the house, but I don’t want you to make contact until I signal the okay.

 

“Impromptu as it is, we need to play this carefully.  I’m not planning to give this guy an opportunity to run.  If Niibori somehow gets past either of us, he can’t get past you.  Clear?”

 

Sasuke nods, a barely perceptible tilt of his head, and then he’s gone, disappearing before Naruto can take the time to blink.

 

...

 

In theory, Shikamaru’s strategy seems simple enough.  Only in this case Niibori is the mitigating factor proving why there’s often such a considerable difference between theory and execution.

 

It starts off according to plan.  Naruto’s able to steer Niibori away from the town and in Sasuke’s direction, towards the farmhouse, while Shikamaru follows from behind.  Under normal circumstances, Naruto knows he wouldn’t have a problem taking out Niibori on his own.  In terms of charka, Niibori isn’t actually that strong.  Whatever tricks he may have up his sleeve, he’s more of a flight risk in this situation, but Naruto can’t gamble with the source of Higashi’s welfare trying to keep one guy still with a well-placed wind release technique—even as Niibori pulls out a scroll that’s immediately replaced with a freakishly massive bowed blade he then proceeds to throw at Naruto.

 

“What the—?”  At the loud whistle near his ear, Naruto drops to the ground, pressed down over flattened stalks of buckwheat after barely avoiding the thing that almost lopped his head off.

 

He reels to the right when he sees the exploding tags by his left foot.  Pushing up on his knees with his hands, he jumps back, crosses his arms, shielding his face from the resounding blast.  He squints, pinpointing Niibori through the smoke.

 

His ears perk when he hears the whistling sound again, when he sees something shining in the distance and coming at him fast.

 

“Shit.”

 

Naruto falls back to the ground and waits for the bowed blade to pass over him.   He grits his teeth at the gush of the air overhead, at the downsized stalks revealing his position.  “Anytime now, Shikamaru.”

 

Before the blade comes back, Naruto stands up, hand behind his back motioning to his clone standing idle not too far from Niibori.  He disappears further into the field, crouching below the tall buckwheat.

 

“As long as Niibori doesn’t see us at the same time, right...”

 

The clone materializes right in front of Niibori, aiming a solid punch at Niibori’s face, but then he makes the mistake Naruto doesn’t know he’s not supposed to make.

 

Evidently, Niibori doesn’t have to see a technique in action in order to mimic it.  When Naruto’s clone is dispelled, there are at least four dozen or so copies of Niibori in his place.  The particulars of how Niibori was able to do it, Naruto’s not too keen on finding out right now.  He’ll leave that kind of thing to Shikamaru, who finally decides to show up, none too pleased with the less than ideal turn of events.

 

The look Shikamaru gives him is shrewd, and Naruto growls a little under his breath at the unspoken accusation because how was he supposed to know one of his clones making eye contact with Niibori would give Niibori the ability to summon so many of his own.

 

“I didn’t—”

 

“I know it wasn’t your fault,” Shikamaru says, keeping his voice low.  “It’s mine.  I should have seen something like this coming.”

 

“Doesn’t matter now.  They’re heading straight for us.”  Naruto looks up, recognising the sharp object more than half his size closing in on them.  “And that damn thing’s coming back, too.”

 

Shikamaru grabs a scrap of paper off Naruto’s back, tears it in half and throws it to the ground.  “Location tag,” he says at Naruto’s questioning look. “That’s how it’s—”

 

Naruto and Shikamaru roll away from each other, dodging the blade that spins right between them.

 

Shikamaru lands on one knee, hand covering his arm and pressing hard against the darkening material of his shirt.  “Split up,” he hisses, ripping off a strip of his sleeve.  He ties it around his arm, pulling it tight with his mouth.  “Take out as many as you can before Niibori can get away.”

 

Hands quickly forming seals, Naruto makes a break for the first wave of Niibori’s clones.  He meets them head on, flanked by just as many of his own.   It’s not that Niibori’s clones are strong.  A single hit gets rid of them.  It’s sorting through the sheer amount of clones trying to find the real Niibori that’s taking too long.

 

A second wave of Niibori’s clones appears from behind Shikamaru, moving in to surround him.  Stumbling to his feet, Shikamaru tightens the grip on his arm and calls out to Sasuke.

 

With a flick of his wrist, Naruto sends a kunai through the chest of another clone.  His forces his way back to Shikamaru, eyes locating a familiar head of dark hair in a sea of blond.

 

Sasuke turns in the direction of Shikamaru’s voice.  He searches through the mass of bodies between them, dispelling the clone in front of him with a swift kick to the side.  His gaze flickers to Naruto, eyes flashing red before he runs after the four clones heading towards the farmhouse.

 

“We don’t have time for this,” Naruto snarls, shoving at another clone, this time one of his own.  “Shika—”

 

“Go!”  Shikamaru lowers his head, placing his hands together.  “I can handle this.”

 

Mouth tight, Naruto nods and dispatches a few more clones to leave behind.   He turns around, not giving Shikamaru another glance as he takes off after Sasuke and Niibori.

 

He runs the remaining stretch of field leading to the farmhouse.  Two steps at a time, he bounds up the steep pathway, passes through the already open doorway, but comes to a halt in the middle of a large foyer.

 

Diverging into two wide halls, the foyer’s twice the size of his apartment, doesn’t even compare to that tiny room back in the inn, and Naruto curses because he can’t pick up on either Sasuke’s or Niibori’s chakra.

 

He looks down, forehead scrunching at the slight vibrations he can feel beneath his feet.  Raising his head, he looks to the left, begins to follow the fading sounds of sandals tapping against the hardwood floor.

 

He rushes down the hallway, makes a sharp turn at the corner when the footfalls ahead of him stop.  The house grows quiet, and Naruto pushes himself to go faster.  The first door he sees, he opens to an empty room.  He slams it shut, tries the one further down the hall.  It’s empty like the last, like the room across from it and the one next to that.

 

It’s like trying to navigate a maze, trying to scale walls that can’t be climbed, and Naruto scowls when he meets another dead end, opening another door that doesn’t bring him to Sasuke or Niibori.  But he starts this time, fingers clutching the bevel of the doorframe, because the empty room this time is filled with a shrill laughter.

 

Naruto turns on his heels.  He follows the sound down the hall, backtracks and cuts across the foyer to the other side of the house.  The laughter grows louder.  It blurs with the echo of his feet heavy against the floor, begins to slur into words as Naruto gets closer.

 

 “It is you, isn’t it—you’re that Uchiha Sasuke, aren’t you?”

 

Naruto yanks open another door, tears past another empty room.

 

“That’s right.  Uchiha Sasuke—Sasuke, see—see what this means?  This…this is...”

 

Naruto edges closer, goes through two more doors, just a few more steps—he’s almost at the end of the hall.

 

“We’re one and the same, you and me.  When you see me, you see yourself, don’t you?  That’s why you can’t kill me.  That’s why you’re not—”

 

At the corner of the room, Niibori stills with both hands drawn down the length of his face, the skin beneath his eyelids pulled by fingers blotched with the same red trickling down the corner of his mouth, but it’s the blood on Sasuke’s cheek that makes Naruto grind his teeth, deepens the once shallow impressions left on Naruto’s palms.

 

Sasuke looks to the side for a moment, almost catches Naruto’s gaze.  He doesn’t move from his place in front of Niibori, and Niibori’s eyes dart from Sasuke to find Naruto.

 

The look on his face borders on a leer, takes on a manic, almost desperate gleam.  With a quick hand, he reaches behind his ear.  His fingers grip a needle hidden in pale hair, and Naruto’s ready to move before Sasuke has time to react, but then the grip around the needle goes slack.  The needle falls, clatters on the wood.  Niibori slumps against the wall, slides down and pitches forward to lie prone on the floor.

 

“Why’d you have to go and do that?”  Naruto turns sharply, glares at the figure emerging from the doorway.  “You didn’t have to—”

 

“And what would you have done, Naruto?”  Shikamaru lowers his hand from his neck as he walks into the room.  Next to Niibori’s fallen body, he kneels down to retrieve the small trench knife piercing the floor.  “Tell me what you were going to do.”

 

Tongue brushing over chapped lips, Naruto turns his focus to the knife in Shikamaru’s hand.  “...I wasn’t going to do anything.”

 

“I know you weren’t.  I saved you the trouble,” Shikamaru says.  He stands with his gaze trained on Naruto and his back to Sasuke.  “He’s fine—if that’s what you were worried about.”

 

Red eyes stare at Naruto, reinforce a silent reprimand mirroring Shikamaru’s not so subtle one, but Naruto refuses to acknowledge the look, refuses to acknowledge how it’s painfully obvious which he Shikamaru’s referring to.

 

The blood streaked over Sasuke’s cheek, it’s not so easy to see him with red anymore, and Naruto has to fight the impulse to wipe it away.  He keeps his hands at his sides, curls his fingers to hide the slight elongation of his nails because he doesn’t want Sasuke to notice.

 

It shouldn’t have been a big deal.  What Niibori said wasn’t anything to get upset over.  Considering the things Sasuke’s done in the past, hearing someone like Niibori compare himself to Sasuke is inevitable, not completely unfounded, but that doesn’t mean Naruto has to accept it.  The implications of those similarities, Naruto’s tired of hearing them because Sasuke’s not like that anymore, never really was, and maybe Shikamaru’s tired of hearing it, too if he’s not even fazed by Naruto’s near confrontation with Niibori.

 

Naruto closes his eyes from Sasuke and opens them to Shikamaru.  “How’s your arm?”

 

“I’ll live.”  To Sasuke, Shikamaru says, “Were you able to get anything useful out of Niibori?”

 

“He knew about Takasugi’s assassination.”

 

“Was he behind it?”

 

“I can’t say, although he said something about his time in Konoha.”  Dark eyes look at Naruto.  “Doing what, I didn’t get a chance to find out.”

 

“Like I had anything to do with that.”  Naruto cuts his eyes and turns to Shikamaru.  “Should we try to wake Niibori up?”

 

“No,” Shikamaru says.  “Fuyuki and Hatsue are probably on their way now.”

 

“Really?”  An eyebrow nearly reaching his hairline, Naruto says, “I knew they hadn’t left, but I wouldn’t think they’d move that fast.”

 

Sasuke grunts.  With a cloth from his pocket, finally, he wipes the blood off his cheek.  “They’ve been watching us since we came here.”

 

“Still…”

 

“Niibori’s important enough for them to stick around,” Shikamaru says.  “I’ll cut them off to stall.  You two clean up around here.  If Niibori was already heading for this house, find out why.  Search it again for anything that looks important and bring Niibori outside.  Two minutes.”

 

Sasuke’s already kneeling next to Niibori, patting him down.  He picks up the small pouch at Niibori’s waist, stands and moves to search the rest of the room.

 

After summoning three shadow clones, Naruto nods.  He sends them throughout the house then bends down to pick up Niibori and slings the unconscious body over his shoulder.  “Two minutes,” he says, mouth curving into an uneven grin.  “We can handle that.”

 

...

 

They leave the farmhouse a little more than two minutes later.  Following Sasuke, Naruto lugs Niibori outside and lays him on the ground, although there’s no sign of Shikamaru or Hatsue and Fuyuki when they reach the bottom of the hill.

 

Sasuke looks down, stares at Niibori a little longer than Naruto’s comfortable with.  His eyes rest on the side of Niibori’s neck, where four curved lines form a small loop.  The placement is similar to the three tomoe no longer on Sasuke’s neck, but maybe Naruto’s just seeing things, remembering only to make sure he can still forget.

 

“Do you think—?”

 

“No.”

 

Sasuke’s voice is clipped, makes Naruto want to probe deeper on principle alone, but he’s fine to let his curiosity die when Shikamaru approaches them with Hatsue and Fuyuki in tow.

 

Both Hatsue and Fuyuki give an absent nod in greeting, eyes already on Niibori.

 

“He’s still alive?” Hatsue says, forehead creasing and mouth not quite set in a frown.

 

It’s a rhetorical question Naruto doesn’t bother to answer.  Neither does Sasuke, but Shikamaru returns Hatsue’s scrutiny with a cool regard.  “Yes.”

 

“No matter,” Fuyuki says, retrieving a scroll from the inner pocket of his robe.  “We have other means to dispose of the body.”

 

He opens the scroll and holds it over Niibori.  Next to Fuyuki, Hatsue mutters something out of earshot, unspoken, and too soft to make out the slight movements of her lips.

 

A loud gasp brings Naruto’s attention back to Niibori, to the wide eyes and the open mouth forming the silent scream he’s glad he can’t hear.

 

“Pl-please…please...”  A trembling hand extends towards Hatsue, who simply stares, watches too calmly for Naruto’s tastes.  “He-help…me, Ha—” 

 

Through another gasp, hollowed cheeks take on a sickly, bluish tint that spreads down Niibori’s skin.  Already wide eyes stretch his face to bulge further, red seeping into white coloured around a light green.  He starts to wheeze, chest lurching like the air’s being sucked from his lungs, like the rest of his body’s being held down by an invisible weight.

 

Then it stops.

 

Hatsue raises her head.  She crosses her arms. 

 

Fuyuki drops the scroll.  The bottom right corner catches fire, leaving a trail that reduces the scroll to ashes before it hits the ground.  “It’s done.” 

 

Shikamaru palms the small box protruding against his pocket, and Sasuke continues not to look away, continues to stare into dark green eyes glazed over, but Naruto swallows, turning his head from the empty gaze watching the sky.

 

...

 

The humidity from the nights in fall is replaced with the emerging chill of winter, and Naruto pulls his cloak closer around his body, adjusting the clasp as he takes a seat on the large log in front of a small pile of firewood.

 

“Where’s Shikamaru?”

 

Sasuke comes from behind Naruto, goes around the other side of the log.  “Sleeping.”

 

“Already?” Naruto says.  “Then again, that guy can probably fall asleep anywhere.”

 

The twigs and dry leaves he’s carrying are dropped to the ground, next to Naruto, and Sasuke kneels down near the firewood.  Keeping himself at a distance, he places two fingers at the corner of his mouth.

 

If he didn’t already know better, Naruto would think Sasuke was just blowing air.  During the day, that’s probably what it looks like.  At night, though, the wisp of air becomes visible, takes on a faint hue of orange and red, and becomes the right amount of ignition to get a sizeable fire going.

 

“Show-off,” Naruto grumbles.

 

It’s not necessarily a waste of technique, but it still seems excessive, especially when there are other means of starting a fire.  Safer means, Naruto wants to point out, remembering the many instances Sasuke didn’t accidently let a few flames wander in his direction, but in this kind of weather, as long as there’s heat, he’ll let Sasuke get away with flaunting his abilities to effectively hone a relatively useless technique.

 

Sasuke shouldn’t have bothered with the extra brushwood if he was just going to leave it with Naruto.  However, instead of going back into the tent like Naruto expects, Sasuke takes a seat on the log, placing himself at less than arm’s length away.

 

“You do know it’s my watch, right?”  Naruto pops a pill in his mouth and swallows it dry.  “Not that I saw anything while I was out there, but this isn’t the first time I’ve done this.”

 

Sasuke grunts.                                                                                                                              

 

“There’s no point in us both being up,” Naruto says.  “You should go to sleep while you can.”

 

Sasuke picks up two sticks.  He feeds one to the fire.  The other stick in hand, Sasuke sets it upright from the ground, bringing the tip of the stick a little past his knee.

 

“Or not.”  Rubbing his hands together, Naruto huddles closer to the flames.  “Why are you still up anyway?  Not that I don’t appreciate the fire, but you weren’t waiting up for me, were you?”

 

With his stick, Sasuke pokes at the fire that doesn’t need tending.  “I wasn’t waiting for you.”

 

“I’m not risking my life trying to wake you up in the morning if you’re tired.”  Naruto points his thumb over his shoulder, towards the tent behind them.  “And Shikamaru will probably say we should leave you because he won’t want to risk losing something valuable, either.”

 

Heavy snoring cuts through the sound of the fire, providing a temporary relief in the silence Sasuke refuses to fill.

 

Naruto lowers his arm and stares straight ahead, keeping his eyes trained on the path disappearing with the trees that lead further into the forest.   His gaze strays to the side.  Through the occasional glimpse, he watches Sasuke without turning to look at him.

 

Since they left for Ito, Sasuke’s been keeping his distance, practically ignoring Naruto unless it was to give some smartass comment or the conversation had something to do with the mission.  And now…

 

The change in Sasuke’s mood is weird enough as it is, but the weight of this silence, this closeness and unexplained expectation for something to happen, makes him feel trapped.

 

He knows not to ask Sasuke about it, at least not outright.  Still, it’s in his nature to talk.  He has to.  He needs words to take up the space between them, some kind of noise to keep his thoughts away from the idea that he and Sasuke can be this close when they’re not cleaning or fixing things or fighting or having sex—why it’s hard not to think of those instances as excuses to overlook something that won’t go away.

 

Sighing, Naruto turns away from the forest, watches the fire instead.  “Why are you acting like this?”

 

The intermittent crackle from the fire hacks at Sasuke’s voice.  “Is there a certain way I’m supposed to be acting?”

 

“I didn’t say that.  Stop trying to—”  Naruto bends over, rests his arms on his knees, tries to hold in his irritation at Sasuke’s flippant response.  “What I’m saying is, lately, it’s like…like you don’t want to be here anymore.”

 

Sasuke pulls the stick away from the fire.  He pauses then lets the end of the stick touch the ground.  Somehow, without even looking at Naruto, Sasuke manages to make the stilted movement feel condescending.  “If I didn’t want to take this mission, I wouldn’t have accepted it.”

 

Naruto shakes his head.  His eyes travel to the ground, and the bottom of his sandal bears down into the dirt.  “I’m not talking about the mission.  I’m talking about here.  Konoha.”

 

“I came back, didn’t I?”

 

“Yeah, but ever since what happened that day—what we’ve been doing since then—all of a sudden you’re acting like you can’t stand being here.”  Softly, Naruto says, “I thought you already got over that.”

 

“What’s there to get over?  I’m still here.”  Sasuke scoffs.  “Isn’t that what you wanted?”

 

Naruto places a hand on his knee and sits up to look at Sasuke.  “Don’t make this about me.  This isn’t about what I want.”

 

“When isn’t it?”  Eyes lowered, Sasuke jabs the stick into the dirt.  “It’s always been about you, about doing things your way.  You’re the one who said you wanted things to go back to the way they were.”

 

“And what’s wrong with that?”

 

“Nothing.  It’s fine.”  The stick bows under the weight of Sasuke’s hand, bends but doesn’t break as Sasuke continues to stab at the ground.  “Apparently everything still revolves around you.  At least that hasn’t changed.”

 

“Then what do you call leaving the way you did?  Going off on your own like that, you made it about you when you—”

 

“That’s not why I left.”

 

“Doesn’t matter because you still ended up doing it.”  The grip on his knee tightens, and Naruto rakes blunt nails against bone covered by skin.  “Your home, everyone here—you tried to give it all up, but you can’t just—”

 

Sasuke chuckles, but something dark begins to creep into the sound, heavy and too sober.  “You still don’t get it.”

 

“Oh, I get it.  I know why you left.  I just don’t understand why you thought you had to do it alone.”

 

“Like you could ever understand.”

 

“Maybe that’s because I don’t have a problem accepting other people’s help.  Because when people want to help you, it means you’re important to them.  So the second you took off, you brought all those people with you.”

 

“I didn’t force anyone to come after me.”

 

“The point is you didn’t have to.  No matter how many times you try to push me away, even if things between us are different now, you can’t expect me not to follow if you try to leave again.”

 

The image of Niibori’s body flashes in his mind, the thought of how close Sasuke once was to being in that position, and it scares Naruto how easy it is for him to replace Niibori’s face with Sasuke’s.

 

“Because for all those times you tried,” Naruto says, “it turns out you couldn’t let go, either.”

 

“No.  I did let go.  I did what you couldn’t.  I did what you weren’t strong enough to do.”

 

“What I wasn’t strong enough to—?”  Naruto clenches his teeth, clutches the material of his pants.  “You ran away, Sasuke!”

 

The echo of Sasuke’s name pounds in his ears.  It’s a rumble in the small clearing, still a dry itch prickling the back of Naruto’s throat, but the sound of his voice teeters through the trees surrounding the camp.  Sasuke’s name fades in the distance, fuelling the beginnings of another prolonged silence, but the loud snort from the tent cuts it short.

 

Naruto forces the breath through his mouth and relaxes his hand.  The fingers holding his pants unfurl when he can hear Shikamaru’s snoring again.  That dull sheen returns to Sasuke’s eyes, and Naruto shifts his gaze towards the fire because it’s the only thing he can do to make the look on Sasuke’s face go away.

 

“Taking the easy way out,” he whispers, “what’s so strong about that?”

 

“…it was something I had to do on my own.”

 

“But you couldn’t.  All those things you set out to do, in the end, what stopped you from doing them?”

 

“I don’t have to answer to you,” Sasuke snarls.  “Don’t say it like I’m here for your sake.  My reasons are mine and mine alone.”

 

“Don’t even try to give me that shit.”  Naruto’s lips curl into a scowl.  “It didn’t work then, and it’s not going to work now.”

 

“And exactly what kind of shit is that?”  The stick jabbed into the ground breaks in Sasuke’s grip, snaps at a crooked angle that leaves the bark near the bottom stripped.  “Enlighten me, Naruto, because clearly I don’t understand.”

 

Naruto raises his head to face Sasuke, combats Sasuke’s glare with narrowed eyes, because this time he won’t allow himself to look away.   “You left me.”

 

Sasuke freezes.  For a moment, his eyes grow wide, a slight movement that’s still hard not to notice.  He makes a strangled noise, a painful sound muddled in hoarse laughter, but it’s the thin attempt to hide it that hurts to hear.  “…where the hell do you even get off, you selfish, son of a—” 

 

“I’m selfish?  You think that makes me selfish?  No, you were selfish when you went off on your own.  Those bonds we have, Sasuke, you can’t just break those kinds of bonds whenever you feel like it.  Me and Sakura, we didn’t give up on our end.  We didn’t—”

 

“I didn’t tell you to keep those bonds,” Sasuke sneers.  “I didn’t tell you to wait for me.  I gave you the opportunity to let go.  It’s not my fault you were too stupid not to take it.”

 

“But that’s not how it works, and you _know_ that, so I don’t get why—” Naruto hunches forward.  He sighs and lets his shoulders sag.  “When someone you…when one of your precious people is taken from you, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to find them again.”

 

Sasuke purses his lips.  The light from the fire wavers on his face, softening the appearance of a sharp jawline.

 

“Fighting to make sure they’re safe,” Naruto says, “to bring them home, to protect them—that’s not selfish.  If anything, I know you can understand that.”

 

Turning away from the fire, Sasuke looks at Naruto.  “There’s no sense in trying to rebuild something that’s not there.”

 

“But that’s the thing.  It still is.”

 

“Think whatever you want.  I made sure I severed those bonds a long time ago.”

 

“Okay, fine.  Go ahead.  Keep saying that until you actually believe it, but if it’s true, if that’s what really happened,” Naruto says, “then why else would you come back?”

 

The stick loose in his hand, Sasuke almost lets it fall.  “Why are you…?”

 

“Why am I what?”

 

Sasuke pauses, features pulled tight to form the grimace on his face.  He grips the broken stick.  “Why are you doing this to me now?”

 

“Asking you why you came back?”  Naruto looks down at his hand, follows the lines stretched across his palm.  “Maybe I wasn’t ready to ask you before.   Does it matter?”

 

“…no.”

 

“Yeah, it does.  You wouldn’t have brought it up if it didn’t.”  Naruto frowns at the ground.  “So why does it matter?”

 

The stick is hurled into the fire, and Naruto flinches at the abrupt movement.  He lifts his head to see Sasuke standing, looking down at him with his fist pulled back.  It doesn’t register in his mind to move, but Naruto closes his eyes, prepares himself for the punch that doesn’t come.

 

He begins to open his eyes, peeking through the left then following with the right.

 

“If you really wanted to know…”  Sasuke lowers his hand.  Arm stiff at his side, he keeps his fingers tucked into his palm, secures them with a thumb pressing hard against his knuckles.  “You wouldn’t have waited this long to ask.”

 

Naruto pushes his tongue against the back of his teeth.  “But I’m asking you now.  Even if I didn’t say anything before, if it really does matter to you, shouldn’t it mean something that I still want to know?”

 

“If you haven’t figured it out by now,” Sasuke says, too calm, almost passive, “then no.”

 

Sasuke’s name lodged halfway up his throat, Naruto sits while Sasuke walks away, watches stiff motions unmasked by the deliberate steps Sasuke takes away from him.

 

Sasuke stops in front of the tent, arm outstretched and hand reaching to lift the flap.  “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

 

He ducks inside the tent, disappearing behind the flap, and the sudden awareness of being left alone distorts the features on Naruto’s face.

 

Cursing, he seizes the other half of Sasuke’s broken stick, hand squeezing the dirt that falls through his fingers.  He tosses the stick into the fire, scowling at the flames that crackle back.

 

“But how am I supposed to know, Sasuke?”

 

Naruto sniffs and wipes his right eye with the bottom of his palm, inhales and exhales.  He takes another breath, stares at the fire, at the smaller pieces of wood beginning to shrivel and burn.  Leaning over, he props his elbows on his thighs, bringing his hands to his temples.

 

“…how am I supposed to know if you won’t tell me?”

 

...

 

Their makeshift camp is taken down in the morning, right before the sun comes up and while it’s still dark.  The remaining ashes of the fire are doused, the tent packed away, and they start leaving for Konoha a little after dawn.

 

Shikamaru leads the way back with steady footfalls.  Naruto takes up an easy pace, somewhere in between following Shikamaru and walking alongside him.   Bringing up the rear, Sasuke trails behind them the entire way home.  He stays quiet, indifferent to the periodic conversation that goes on without him.  The steps that carry him forward are almost too light to hear, too soft to tell if Sasuke’s really there, and Naruto strains to listen just to make sure because he won’t force himself to look back.

 

If Shikamaru notices the more pronounced distance between him and Sasuke, he’s not saying anything about it.  He was asleep last night.  At least Naruto would feel better believing he was sleeping then despite the look Shikamaru gives him when they reach Konoha.  It’s a look Naruto pretends he doesn’t see, too busy shading his eyes from the light looming over them.

 

He knows Shikamaru will leave it alone, though.  Maybe another glance or two, but the issue of Naruto’s relationship with Sasuke will be something wilfully ignored as soon as they pass through the gate.  Because Shikamaru didn’t have to get involved, and he won’t trouble himself further if he doesn’t have to.

 

In the end, they did what they were supposed to do, what Naruto said he and Sasuke would do, so it doesn’t matter whether Shikamaru heard them last night or not. 

 

The mission’s over anyway.

 

...

 

Without looking back, Shikamaru gives an idle wave of his hand, taking a right at the fork in the road.  Naruto goes with Sasuke in the opposite direction, hands jammed in his pockets as his feet trace the familiar path towards Sasuke’s apartment.

 

He should be walking with Shikamaru, really, since they live in the same area.  Ironically, Naruto probably would be if it weren’t for the fact that Shikamaru hadn’t said anything about him following Sasuke instead of heading home.  Shikamaru ignored it, like Naruto expected he would, like he almost he wishes Shikamaru didn’t, and the three of them parting leaves Naruto to deal with the awkward atmosphere apparently he’s the only one aware of.

 

Between Shikamaru’s silence and Sasuke’s continued indifference, Naruto almost hesitated in his decision.  He wasn’t trying to make it look like he had some ulterior motive in going after Sasuke, regardless of what he suspected Shikamaru believed, but changing his mind at the last minute would have made the situation worse and possibly screw up whatever chance he had to fix this thing between him and Sasuke.

 

So far it seems to be working, even if Sasuke won’t look at him, still hasn’t acknowledged him since they left Hokage Tower.  Naruto just decides it’s better if he doesn’t say anything, either.  While not talking isn’t much of a step forward, not arguing isn’t exactly a step back.  At least getting to walk Sasuke home is doing something.  As irritating as it is whenever Sasuke pretends he’s not there, for once, Naruto’s more anxious than annoyed.

 

Last night resolved his determination not to let things tail off between them like they did before.  Aside from coming up with different ways to corner Sasuke, though, he didn’t have much of a plan after that.  It’s kind of surprising Sasuke still hasn’t said anything about it yet, about walking together like this.  Some part of him can’t help but feel like Sasuke’s leading him on, but Naruto doesn’t want to think too much into it.  With his luck, he’ll probably end up with Sasuke slamming the door in his face.

 

However, when they do reach the apartment, when Sasuke unlocks the door, this time, he doesn’t say Naruto’s not coming in.

 

And this time, after Sasuke turns the knob, he opens the door all the way.

 

Naruto pulls on the loose thread from his sleeve, watches Sasuke enter the apartment.  He shifts his weight from his right foot to the left, back to the right, tears the thread out of his sleeve when the door isn’t slammed in this face.

 

There’s a reason for this.  He can’t come up with a good one right now, but he knows Sasuke wouldn’t just forget about leaving the door open.  Obviously, Sasuke wants him to close it.  Obviously.  The subtlety isn’t subtle enough to be lost on him, and since he has no intention of standing out here all day trying to figure out how and why Sasuke’s mind works the way it does, Naruto lets himself inside.

 

Cautious, he steps over the threshold, into the apartment that turns dark when he closes the door behind him.  He doesn’t move for a while, a seemingly long moment that only lasts for a couple of seconds until he remembers to flip the switch he doesn’t have to look for to find.

 

The light reveals a vest hanging from the narrow rack on the wall to his left.  Straight ahead, down the short hallway and near the other end of the apartment, Naruto finds Sasuke.  His eyes roam over the black shirt riding up Sasuke’s back, over the right side of the material bunched and exposing the area of skin reaching from the band of Sasuke’s pants to just below his waist.

 

Reaching behind him, Naruto fumbles to lock the door with a less than steady hand.  He takes a step away from the door but falters when Sasuke begins to lift up his shirt, actually starts to take it off in front of him, little by little, gradually revealing the expanse of his back before disappearing into the bathroom.

 

Past another door he doesn’t close.

 

If Naruto wasn’t second-guessing himself earlier, he’s definitely doing it now, but there’s no way he can ignore the implications of Sasuke leaving the bathroom door open.

 

He wants to at first, only because it seems too easy.  How they can go from arguing and not talking to Sasuke starting something like this and Naruto not putting up any resistance to follow through, it’s almost too straightforward, especially since sex has become another one of those unspoken things in their relationship.

 

It’s not like Naruto came over for this.  He just wanted to talk.  About what, he was still working that out on the way here, but sex hadn’t been a high priority.  He can’t say he doesn’t want it, though.  Not when Sasuke’s practically handing him an invitation.  It’s something still new, something he’s still trying to decide how far they can go with, and if Sasuke wants to take the initiative, Naruto’s not going to turn him down.

 

His vest comes off a little too quickly, although maybe not quick enough when it takes two tries to put it on the hook beside Sasuke’s.  Kneeling down, he peels the tape from around his ankles, pulls to unravel it, nearly tripping over himself trying to lift each foot.

 

The sound of running water makes Naruto pause.  Slowly rising to stand, he lets go of the tape held between his fingers, lets it fall out of his hand as his gaze turns to the open door at the end of the hallway.

 

He’s already halfway there, just a little bit further, but he stops himself here, waits for the door to close just in case Sasuke does decide to change his mind.  Only Sasuke doesn’t.  The water’s still running.  The air around him is starting to feel a little less cool, starting to stick to his skin like the sweat already dried on his dirty clothes, and Naruto takes a tentative step forward, then another, one more because the door’s still open.

 

It’s been long enough that the shower’s already hot, long enough that Sasuke’s already under the water, and by now Naruto doesn’t need to convince himself with readymade excuses about not being wasteful or saving money on his water bill to know that Sasuke wants him in there, too.

 

Left foot in front of the bathroom, he crosses his arms at the bottom of his shirt.  His fingers grab the hem and pull his shirt over his head.  Right foot through the doorway, he tosses the shirt at the crumpled heap of clothes against the corner of the wall.

 

The air Naruto breathes in is warm despite the open door, makes his skin feel clammy when it hits his face.  Steam’s beginning to fog up the small mirror above the sink, already covering the glass door where Naruto can make out the blurred silhouette behind it.

 

Both hands reach for the front of his pants, one undoing the button and the other pulling down the zipper.  His boxers and pants drop with the release of his fingers, fall down his legs, and Naruto steps out of the pile he leaves on the floor.

 

He’s never had sex in a shower before, with Sasuke or anyone else, mainly because he can think of a lot more comfortable places to do it and not because the idea hasn’t crossed his mind once or twice.  While small baths are the norm, Sasuke’s not being an exception, it still doesn’t seem like there’s enough room in there for something as demanding as sex with Sasuke can be.  Still, he opens the glass door anyway, careful as he steps in behind Sasuke because the shower barely fits the two of them.

 

The door slides again, makes a soft click when it shuts Naruto inside.

 

His eyelids flutter beneath water that causes him to shudder.  Not hot but almost too warm, it makes the air around him feel overwhelmingly damp, reminds him that he still smells like dirt and outside, and the faint scent of soap brings Naruto’s attention to the suds circling the drain between Sasuke’s feet.

 

Sasuke knows he’s here.  Cramped together in such a tight space, even with his back facing Naruto, Sasuke has to know.  The only reason he’s still pretending not to is because he also knows how much Naruto can’t stand being ignored.

 

All the times he’s chased after Sasuke, been left behind with only this part of him to see, now that Sasuke’s not turning away—when Naruto raises his arm between them, curls his fingers into his palm and presses his thumb against the nape of Sasuke’s neck—even though he’s actually touching Sasuke, it still feels like he’s only almost within reach.

 

His thumb stays firm against slick skin.  It glides through the beads of water formed along the curve of Sasuke’s spine, guides Naruto’s eyes all the way down to Sasuke’s lower back.

 

He marvels at what he’s able to do to Sasuke, stares as his mouth parts at the shiver that’s not his.  Thumb drawing a path around Sasuke’s hip, he lays his hand flat on Sasuke’s stomach and brings himself closer.  He exhales, takes in a breath through clenched teeth as the length of his cock rubs against Sasuke’s skin.  It flops against his stomach, gradually turns stiff as Naruto pulls Sasuke’s back to his chest.

 

The brief stretch of tightness is familiar, a faint hint of pressure that only serves to skim the underside of his cock.  It’s a passing sensation, too short, too sharp.  He stands a little straighter to pick it up again, fits himself against the contours of Sasuke’s body to make it last longer.

 

It’s a different kind of temptation luring Naruto, though.  Being close to Sasuke in this way, he’s not ready to let go of that yet.  He wants to stay here, wants to make everything stay like this, doesn’t even mind not doing anything else for right now if it means he doesn’t have to give up this feeling.  Maybe because it reminds him of the kind of sex he hasn’t had in a while.  Maybe because Sasuke’s actually letting him do something like this.

 

Maybe because it just feels good.

 

Naruto groans and drops his head, hiding his face in Sasuke’s shoulder.  He slides his hand along Sasuke’s thigh, fingers bearing down hard.  The muscles in his calves are tight.  His breathing’s too heavy.  It shouldn’t be taking this much effort to do something as simple as staying still.

 

Sasuke presses against him, and Naruto hisses, gritting his teeth at the way his cock keeps slipping over Sasuke’s skin.  The pressure on Sasuke’s thigh increases.  It’s an attempt to prevent Sasuke from moving that doesn’t work, but Naruto lowers his hips and shoves himself forward.  He does all but push into Sasuke, squeezing already taut muscles and trying to keep his cock upright, trying to hold on to this feeling a little longer.

 

“Sasuke, I—I’m not…”

 

“You followed me, didn’t you?”

 

“Only because you didn’t stop me,” Naruto murmurs, pressing his mouth against wet skin.  Slowly, lightly, fingers work their way up Sasuke’s thigh.  A hand settles on Sasuke’s hip, causing a tremble that doesn’t come from Sasuke this time.  “…you aren’t stopping me.”

 

Sasuke wraps his fingers around the wrist of the hand resting at his hip.  He leans his head back, lying against Naruto.  “You want me to?”

 

“Is it okay if I—if I just want you to…”

 

“What?”

 

“I don’t…” 

 

“You don’t know what you want?”

 

“Don’t say it like that.  You’re making me sound like I’m—”

 

Naruto doesn’t even get a chance to finish when Sasuke raises their arms, twisting around Naruto’s wrist and pinning Naruto against the tile.  One hand’s holding Naruto’s arm above his head.  The other‘s lying flat on Naruto’s chest, not letting him move.

 

With a slight tilt of his head, Sasuke does a sort of half grin, almost coy if not for the open ridicule in his eyes.

 

The grip on his wrist loosens, releases his arm from the wall, and Naruto lets his hand fall to the side.

 

“You’re the one who wants things to go back to the way they were,” Sasuke says.  “But this isn’t the same.  You can’t have this, too.”

 

The hand on Naruto’s chest begins to wander, dissolves into light and sporadic touches with fingers playing on Naruto’s stomach, travelling along the line of fine hairs that gradually become coarse.  They pause on the inside of Naruto’s thigh, slowly trail back up, and Naruto has to let the wall take most of his weight to make sure he doesn’t fall because it’s Sasuke touching him, except not, and fuck if the anticipation of Sasuke’s fingers around his cock still doesn’t feel good.

 

“So which one is it?” Sasuke says.  “Or are you selfish enough to want both?”

 

“Don’t call me—”  Naruto makes a choked noise when Sasuke grabs his cock, gripping it almost too hard.  “…call me that.”

 

“You are.”

 

“But I’m not.”  Naruto covers Sasuke’s forehead with one hand.  He tips Sasuke’s head back a little, runs his fingers through the hair he pushes from Sasuke’s face because he needs Sasuke to look at him.  “I’m not selfish.  I just—”

 

“Get what you want.”

 

“No, it’s not what I…”  Naruto’s hand falls from Sasuke’s hair, fingers dragging along Sasuke’s back.  He brings his other hand around Sasuke, arms pressing into Sasuke’s sides.  “Because you said—”

 

“I know what I said.”  Sasuke’s lips linger at corner of Naruto’s mouth, close and closer and yet still not enough to touch. 

 

Naruto shifts forward and catches Sasuke’s bottom lip in his mouth, teeth scraping across soft skin as Sasuke pulls away.  He tries to kiss Sasuke again, but the hand that moves from his cock to his chest holds him in place.  “Why won’t you let me—?”

 

“Stay still.”

 

“How can you expect me to—?”

 

“Shut up.”  Sasuke’s fingers press into Naruto’s chest, disappear, and then reappear with a thumb over the slit of Naruto’s cock.  He leans forward, close enough to kiss again, and the sharp inhale from Naruto takes the breath away from Sasuke’s mouth.  “Just listen.”

 

Naruto twitches at the hardness rubbing against his thigh.  It’s weird.  Unfamiliar and yet not so different considering his own cock isn’t unresponsive to the attention from Sasuke’s hand, but he doesn’t let himself look down.  It’s unfair of him not to, he realises, because all the things Sasuke does to him, he can’t bring himself to do the same.  Although he’s done other things to Sasuke in the time they’ve been getting each other off, he still hasn’t touched Sasuke’s cock, hasn’t even looked at it, and doesn’t really know if he ever will since there hasn’t been a need to.

 

Sasuke scoffs.

 

Naruto leans his head against the tile, blinks at the water pelting his face.  “…what?”

 

“You’ve always been selfish.  It isn’t any different with this.”

 

“I’m not—” 

 

“But if I give you this, if I give you what you want,” Sasuke whispers, “what’s in it for me?”

 

Naruto squeezes his eyes shut when Sasuke’s hand begins to move.  He bucks into fingers that go up and down, squirms at the tightness growing at the base of his cock.  Sasuke’s going too fast, although somehow not fast enough, not hard enough, just not enough even with him thrusting in and out of Sasuke’s hand.

 

He kicks the tile with the heel of his foot, muffles a cry with the force of his teeth sinking into his tongue.  He holds Sasuke in between his arms, hands dangling midair because he’s still trying to decide where to put them.

 

He’s not sure if he wants to push Sasuke down or pull him up, too restless to admit he almost wants to know what it’d feel like to have Sasuke’s mouth around his cock instead of those fingers—more than almost wants to know when the feel of Sasuke’s breath against his shoulder makes his skin tingle.

 

His fingers run up Sasuke’s sides, reach around to drift across Sasuke’s back as his elbows hook from underneath Sasuke’s arms.  The position’s awkward, bordering on uncomfortable with the way Sasuke’s up against him, with nothing other than water and Sasuke’s hand between them, but there’s this urge to cover Sasuke with his body.  There’s this sudden curiosity to see if he can touch every part of Sasuke at once.  Yet Naruto holds himself back, reminds himself that even if his hands have already gone here and there, if he’s already used to the way Sasuke’s skin feels beneath his fingers, it’s still just getting off.

 

That’s all _this_ is supposed to be.

 

“You say you’re not selfish…”  Sasuke lowers his head.  His mouth finds the dip in Naruto’s collarbone, spreads a smirk over Naruto’s skin.  “Show me.  Prove there’s something in this for me, too.”

 

Naruto jerks at a series of tugs on his cock.  The harsh pulls wrench a moan from his throat.  They make his body stiff, make his legs feel like they’re going to lock up, make him afraid he won’t be able to support Sasuke’s weight and send them both crashing down.

 

The impact of his head banging against the tile almost does it, almost makes him slip on the floor, but he steadies himself, steadies Sasuke against him, and for a moment, Naruto can envision all but Sasuke’s eyes disappearing beneath a sheet of black.

 

...

 

Kiba gives a low whistle, eyes tinged with an admiration that makes Naruto frown.  “You know how to pick them, don’t you?”

 

“Pick what?”

 

“Whoever it was keeping you up last night.”  Kiba nods his head towards the right side of Naruto’s neck.  “How’d you miss someone doing _that_ to you?”

 

“Damn it.”  Naruto’s hand flies to his neck.  How he left Sasuke’s apartment without noticing a hickey big enough to draw Kiba’s attention, he doesn’t know, although he wouldn’t put it past Sasuke to purposely not tell him about it.

 

Kiba bares his teeth with a wide smile far more disturbing than his usual kind of leer.  “Who is she?”

 

“It’s not what you think,” Naruto says quickly, too quickly to veer Kiba off the subject.  “Nothing happened.”

 

Kiba turns his gaze to the ceiling, going for an innocent expression that makes him look anything but.  “Is that what they’re calling it these days?”

 

“Yes.  Because when I say nothing happened, I really mean nothing happened.”

 

“I promise I won’t tell anyone.”

 

Naruto scoffs.  “Just like you didn’t say anything about Megumi?”

 

“Okay, so I slipped that one time, but you don’t try to hide dating a girl like that.”  If possible, Kiba’s smile grows wider.  “I don’t know why you kept her a secret for so long.  Ever heard of bragging rights?  Whatever Megumi saw in you, if she saw the same in me—hell yeah, I’d be telling everybody I knew about it.”

 

“If only I’d known me dating Megumi would be such a hardship for you.”

 

“Some bastards get all the luck,” Kiba mutters.  He puffs his checks and releases a heavy sigh.  “Shame those legs had to be wasted on someone like you.”

               

“Don’t let Ino hear you say that.”

 

“Talking about anyone before Ino is fair game.”  Kiba brushes off Naruto’s words with a slight wave of his hand.  “Still can’t believe you broke up with Megumi, though.”

 

“Yeah, well, that’s the difference between you and me,” Naruto says, smirking against the edge of his glass.

 

“You wish.”  Kiba barks out a laugh that takes a few seconds to die away.  “But really, tell me.  It’s kind of hit and miss with the girls you attract, but what’s she look like?  Is she hot or what?  I mean, she’s got to be something special if you’re finally starting to get over Sakura.”

 

The smirk drops from Naruto’s face.  “It’s nobody.”

 

“No use trying to deny it now.  You haven’t said anything about Sakura in a while, and—”

 

“Forget it.”  The alcohol in his mouth burns a path down his throat, and Naruto nearly slams his glass down.  The little left inside splashes over onto the counter.

 

“Is she a civilian?  Like Megumi?”

 

Naruto reaches for a napkin, gathers more than a couple in his hand to soak up the small spill.  “I’m not talking about it.”

 

“Or maybe she’s not from around here, considering you just got back from a mission.”  Three times, Kiba taps the side of his face with a finger.  “I never took you for the type of guy who’d do the whole long distance thing.”

 

“It’s not that.  And even if it was, it probably won’t last, so it doesn’t matter anyway.”

 

“Does that mean you’re already in a relationship?”

 

“Kiba…”

 

“Spill, Naruto.  If she’s anything like Megumi, I seriously need to know.”  Kiba leans forward, trying to get a confession out of Naruto through his glare alone.  “Of course, I could always tell Sakura what really happened at the hot springs that day.”

 

Naruto blinks, opens his mouth then closes it.  He blinks again.  “You would, wouldn’t you?”

 

“No hesitation on this end,” Kiba says.  “Trust me.”

 

“Seriously?”

 

“I’m waiting.”  Kiba picks up his drink and empties the glass.

 

The wet napkins still in hand, Naruto bunches his shoulders, resting his arm on the counter.  He stares into his lap and mumbles Sasuke’s name.

 

“Satori, huh?”  There’s a sly edge to Kiba’s voice.  “A girl with a name like that has to be cute.”

 

Naruto sighs.

 

“What?  Afraid she’ll read your thoughts and know you told me?  That’ll get you in trouble or something?”

 

“I didn’t say Satori.”

 

“Then who is it?  Come on, speak up.  If she was just a girl you had sex with, it wouldn’t be affecting you like this.  She has to be important for you to—”

 

“Sasuke,” Naruto spits out.  “It’s not a girl.  It’s Sasuke, all right—Sasuke.  Happy now?”

 

“Sa-Sa-Sasuke?”  Kiba drops the glass he’s holding.  With both hands, he scrambles to catch it, not taking his eyes off Naruto as he almost doesn’t catch the glass before it hits the floor.  “You and Sasuke?”

 

“Yeah.”  Naruto raises his head.  The corners of his lips curl up, and the smile he gives Kiba leaves a bad taste in his mouth.  “Me and Sasuke.”

 

“Shit, man.  Liking Sasuke is one thing, but actually doing it with him?”  Gently, Kiba places his glass on the counter.  “I never thought you’d go that far, especially since you like girls.  I mean, you still do like girls, don’t you?”

 

“Of course I still like girls.”  Clenching his fist, Naruto balls the napkins in his hand.  “Sasuke’s just…different.”

 

“Yeah.  He’s a guy.”

 

“I don’t mean because he’s a guy.  One thing led to another, and then this and that happened, and we—”

 

“Please.”  Kiba is quick to put his hand in front of Naruto’s face.  “Spare me the details.”

 

“Look, you’re the one who wanted to know so badly.  And I told you.”  Naruto snatches the napkins from the counter and chucks them on the empty plate in front of him.  “Who cares if Sasuke’s a guy or not?”

 

Lowering his arm, Kiba chews on his bottom lip.  “Forget about the guy part.  What reason do you have to like Sasuke enough to do something like that with him?”

 

Dryly, Naruto says, “For starters, he’s a real bastard.”

 

“You’re lucky we’re friends because there’s no way in hell I would do this for anybody else.”  Eyes stern, Kiba points a finger at Naruto.  “I’m not doing this for my sake.  Help me out here.  Help me help you.”

 

“I guess Sasuke’s…okay looking?”

 

Oddly calm, Kiba says, “You know what?  I don’t mind paying for myself from now on.  In fact, get back to me on how much I owe you, and I’ll pay you twice that if you promise to never bring this up again.  I should be spending more time with Ino anyway.”

 

When Kiba moves to get out of his chair, Naruto puts a hand on his shoulder and forces Kiba back down.  “You asked me what I liked about Sasuke.  All I said was that he doesn’t look ugly.”

 

“Tell me you didn’t just say that.”  Kiba lays his elbows on the counter and covers his face with his hands.  “Why did you have to go there?”

 

“I told you.  I don’t like guys.  I just, you know…happen to have sex with Sasuke.”

 

Kiba reveals a pained expression, raising his arms and letting them fall back on the counter.  He makes a pitiful noise that Naruto can only place somewhere between a whimper and growl.  “Damn it, Naruto.   What’d I just say about the details?”

 

“I don’t say anything when you talk about the stuff you do with Ino.”

 

“That’s because it’s not the same,” Kiba hisses.

 

“What’s not the same?”

 

“You and Sasuke.”

 

“What makes us any different?”

 

“Because you and Sasuke are different.”

 

“And what’s that supposed to mean?”

 

“It means you can’t have that.  Even if you wanted to, you two aren’t like us.”

 

“Like what?”

 

“What me and Ino have, you and Sasuke can’t be like…”  Kiba turns away from Naruto, turns his gaze to the floor.  “…that.”

 

A retort sharp on his tongue, Naruto pauses, tries to speak even though he can’t seem to get anything to come out.  Closing his mouth, he swallows hard, slumping against his chair.  “…no, we’re—I guess you’re right.  It’s not the same.”

 

“Naruto, I—”  Kiba presses his lips together and raises his head to look at Naruto.  “It’s not that Sasuke’s a guy.  It’s because he’s Sasuke.  You know the kind of person he is.”

 

Naruto snorts.  “Yeah.”

 

“How’d it even come to that anyway?  I mean, I know you kissed Sasuke that one time, but how do you get past that point with someone like him?”

 

“It’s not—it’s…it’s complicated.”

 

“Doing that kind of thing with him, if it’s not more than that, how complicated can it be?”

 

“It’s not about sex.  I don’t think that’s such a big deal.  But after everything else—it’s just, with all that time behind us, why’d it take so long to come to something like this?”

 

“You know,” Kiba says, picking up his glass, “it’s funny how you say that like you seriously expect me to know the answers to these kinds of things.”

 

“Funny, huh?”

 

“Yeah.”  Kiba brings the glass to his lips.  Tilting his head back, he frowns when nothing comes out and places the glass back on the counter.  “Funny.”

 

...

 

 

He doesn’t know how long they’ve been in Sasuke’s room, wasting away one of those rare, relatively warm days in December wearing through the sheets.

 

Vaguely, Naruto remembers being thrown on the bed, a knee in between his legs, warm fingers pushing up his boxers and drawing down his thighs—the hands on his chest holding him down and the slow-moving pressure keeping his cock flat against his stomach.

 

He runs his hands up Sasuke’s back, underneath the black shirt Sasuke won’t let him take off even if it means Naruto’s the only one completely naked.

 

Sasuke looks down, hair falling over his face, hands gripping Naruto’s shoulders.  He grunts when he moves too far back.  Naruto cranes his neck, watching Sasuke raise his hips.  Repositioned over Naruto, Sasuke lowers himself, slides along the length of Naruto’s cock, and Naruto moans, letting his head fall back on the bed.

 

He breathes out, guides Sasuke back, slowly brings him forward.  Wavering hands wander up Sasuke’s chest, pushing Sasuke’s shirt up to his neck.  The material gathers at Sasuke shoulder, Naruto trying to pull the shirt over Sasuke’s head.

 

“…why’d y-you stop?”  Naruto uses his thumb to trace a ring around Sasuke’s nipple.  He catches the nipple between his thumb and finger, flicks it with his thumb rubbing down then up and over it.  “I just want to—”

 

Sasuke pushes himself up from Naruto’s shoulders, away from the hands on his chest and sits back on Naruto’s legs.  When his shirt starts to fall, Naruto reaches to hold it up but pulls away, grimacing at the two fingers pinching his side.

 

“What was that for?”

 

“Stop trying to make this into something you want.”

 

“I never said that.  I never—” Naruto sits up on his elbows, breathes through his nose.  “It’s not always about what I want, okay.  It’s just…not.  You said we were doing this. You can’t say you don’t want it now, not when we—”

 

“You’re being selfish.”

 

“Stop throwing that word around so much,” Naruto snarls, leaning up to grab Sasuke’s hips.  “How the hell is _this_ —”

 

Sasuke jerks forward, balances himself with fingers digging into Naruto’s shoulders as he’s tugged over Naruto’s cock.  It flops from beneath him, and Naruto lifts Sasuke back over it, pushes into the tight space that’s only brushing across his cock, thrusts up because simply having Sasuke on top of him isn’t enough.

 

“— _this_ , Sasuke, how’s this being selfish?”

 

Sasuke holds himself above Naruto, rolls his hips back and slides up, hard and fast along Naruto’s cock slapping between his thighs.  He stares at Naruto with that damn blank expression, like Naruto’s the only one affected by this, but he can’t be.  Sasuke _has_ to feel something.

 

“It’s not selfish if we want the same thing.”

 

“...who said I did?”

 

Pulling Sasuke against him, Naruto adjusts his weight, pushes off on the bed to gain the momentum to land Sasuke on his back.

 

“You can’t make me believe you don’t want this.”  Naruto brushes away the hair from Sasuke’s face.  He palms the back of Sasuke’s head, steadfast against the expression that doesn’t change.  With his other hand, he reaches down for Sasuke’s knee, hooks the crook of his arm underneath.  He lifts Sasuke’s foot over his shoulder, settling himself between Sasuke’s legs.   “Because you asked me first, didn’t you?”

 

Sasuke’s hand runs up Naruto’s arm, around Naruto’s shoulder.  Fingers trail along the sharp planes of Naruto’s back.  Breath hitched, Sasuke tilts his head back, shirt riding up as Naruto slides against his cock. 

 

“You told me not to start this if I couldn’t finish it.”  Naruto shoves into Sasuke, smothers him with his body.  He pushes on the leg trapped between them, bearing his weight into Sasuke and not letting him up.  “That means you want it, too, right?

 

Sasuke tries to move against him, the arm around Naruto bringing him closer when Naruto lifts his pelvis and slams back down, sinking Sasuke deeper into the bed.

 

The muscles in his calves tight, Naruto pushes himself up on the balls of his feet.  He drives forward, pulls back and thrusts down again, hissing at the nails dragging lines down his back.

 

Sticky skin peels away to uncover Sasuke’s shirt.  Naruto stills then shifts up.  The side of his face brushes against Sasuke’s cheek, and his hand falls from Sasuke’s hair, grabbing the hem of Sasuke’s shirt.  He pushes the shirt up to Sasuke’s chest and holds it there.

 

Unhooking his arm from Sasuke’s leg, Naruto pulls the leg towards him and lays Sasuke’s foot flat on the bed.  He lets go of Sasuke’s shirt, slips his hand under the small of Sasuke’s back and nudges Sasuke to push his other leg up.  “You wouldn’t let me do this if you didn’t want it.”

 

Sasuke lets his arm fall, grabs at the sheets.  Sliding his foot across the bed, slowly, he raises his leg.

 

“And if I want to make you feel good…”  Naruto places both hands on Sasuke’s knees, spreading Sasuke’s legs apart.  Lowering his mouth to Sasuke’s navel, he follows the curve of Sasuke’s hip, murmurs against Sasuke’s thigh.  “If I want to do this because you like it…”

 

The slight tremors just below the surface of Sasuke’s skin tickle the pads of Naruto’s fingers drawing down Sasuke’s leg.

 

“Because you like that I know how to touch you there.”  Naruto presses his mouth against Sasuke’s thigh, murmurs into Sasuke’s skin, “And the way I touch you like this…”

 

The corner of the fitted sheet pops off, exposing the area of the mattress beneath it.

 

Naruto kisses along the inside of Sasuke’s thigh, lightly nips at the skin, taking in every shudder Sasuke tries to hold back.  But Sasuke’s breathing still gets faster, chest rising a little higher when Naruto replaces his mouth with his finger.

 

Raising his head, Naruto stares at Sasuke’s cock bobbing in front of his face.  He pushes a finger into Sasuke, slowly pulls out and works his finger through the slickness still there from earlier.  “So when you try to tell me you don’t want this...”

 

An arm lifts to cover his face, and Sasuke turns his head to the side, reaching everywhere except for Naruto, tense as the white fabric gathered in his hand seeps through his fingers.

 

Naruto peers up at Sasuke.  He eases in a second finger, breathes over the tip of Sasuke’s cock, “That’s why I can’t believe you.”

 

Sasuke sucks in a harsh breath, and Naruto pushes his tongue against his teeth at the sudden tightness around his fingers.  He moves up and over Sasuke, mouth latching onto Sasuke’s neck because he doesn’t have to imagine what it feels like to have his cock inside Sasuke instead.

 

“Come on, Sasuke—come on.”

 

Sasuke squeezes his eyes shut when Naruto pushes through with another finger.  His voice begins to crack, makes a strained cry he drags his teeth against his bottom lip to stop.

 

“Let it go.”  Naruto pulls back and leans over to look at Sasuke.  “Stop holding it in.”

 

Sasuke arches against Naruto, begins to rock against Naruto’s fingers when Naruto brings an arm around his waist.

 

“Don’t run away from this, too, okay.  Don’t just—please don’t run away from me again.”

 

Naruto breathes over Sasuke’s mouth without getting too close.  He pauses to watch Sasuke, stares at the contorted expression on Sasuke’s face.  His stomach tightens as the pressure around his fingers increases.

 

“…please.” 

 

Eyes still closed, Sasuke makes a reach for Naruto’s hair.  He yanks him down, whispers in Naruto’s ear, “You’re stopping now?”

 

Naruto shivers at the breath hot on his skin.  “Sasuke, I—”

 

“M-move.”

 

...

 

“Ino wants me to have dinner with her parents.”

 

Naruto looks up from his plate, biting off a chuck of grilled eggplant.  “When?”

 

“Tomorrow night.”  Crossing his arms, Kiba leans back in his chair.  His eyes stray to the back of the bar, to the poster peeling off the wall and ready to fall to the floor. 

 

“Tomorrow night?”  Naruto licks the miso sauce from the corner of his mouth.  “She threw you on the spot like that?”

 

“Not so much threw as waited until I was the last person to know,” Kiba mutters, attacking a piece of eel with a spoon.  He stirs the runny egg on top and dips the spoon in the bowl, gathering bits of yolk and eel on top of rice.  “She’d been planning it for a while now.”

 

“Does that mean you two are serious or…?”

 

“Who knows?”  Kiba sighs, slips the spoon in his mouth.  “All I know is I’m screwed—like seriously screwed.”

 

Naruto snorts, almost dropping the sliced eggplant in between his chopsticks.  He plops the rest of the eggplant in his mouth and trades his chopsticks for the bottle of sake on the counter.  “But that’s just like Ino, isn’t it?”

 

“Yeah, except having dinner with her parents, there’s no turning back after something like that.  So whatever happens then…”  The spoon falls out of Kiba’s hand.  It clanks when it bounces off the bowl and onto the counter.  “I don’t even know what to wear.”

 

“Clothes would be a start.”  Naruto hides behind the small glass he brings to his mouth, tries to hide a smile with a poorly timed cough prompted by Kiba’s glare.

 

“Shut up, you ass.  All those times I listened to you going on and on, you owe me this.”

 

“As long as you’re paying for me this time, right?”  Naruto shrugs, swallowing his smile with the sake down his throat.  “Making a bold move like that, though, does it mean Ino wants to settle down?”

 

“Don’t say that,” Kiba hisses.  “Ino didn’t even say that, so don’t you start.”  Narrowed eyes widen.  “What if she does want to settle down?”

 

Naruto frowns at his empty glass then blinks at Kiba.  “…I wasn’t being—”

 

“I’m only eighteen.  I still live with my family.  I’m not ready for that kind of relationship yet.  I can’t handle that kind of relationship yet.  I haven’t thought that far ahead yet.”

 

“Kiba, I don’t thi—”

 

“That means she’s going to want kids, too, doesn’t it?  Because that’s what you do when you settle down.  Have kids.  It’s not like she hasn’t kind of talked about having kids later on, but I didn’t think then that later on would be now.  I mean, shouldn’t Akamaru be enough?”

 

A second bottle of sake is placed between them, and Naruto nods at the bartender, reaching to open the bottle.  “It’s just Ino’s parents.”

 

“No, Naruto.”  Kiba stares for a moment, drags it out until Naruto finishes pouring more sake in his glass.  Slowly, taking the time to enunciate each word, he says, “It’s not just Ino’s parents.  It’s having dinner with Ino’s parents.”

 

“Okay, it’s just dinner with Ino’s parents.”  Naruto cocks his head to the side and puts a finger on his cheek.  “Although I wouldn’t have expected something so old fashioned from her, even if her mom is really traditional.”

 

Kiba picks up the nearly emptied bottle, fills his glass halfway.  He makes a face at the bottle and places it back on the counter.  “It does sound old fashioned, doesn’t it?”

 

“Yep.”

 

“Well…”  Tilting his head back, Kiba downs his drink in one gulp.  “You, my friend—it was nice knowing you.  Spending all those nights together, it was fun while it lasted.”

 

“If it helps,” Naruto says, peeking over the rim of his glass, “Ino’s mom is really nice.”

 

“When you talk to her about _flowers_ , Naruto.  Not about her little girl.  Then she’s even worse than those overprotective father types.  She stopped liking me as soon as Ino—hey, with those books you have, you’d know about plants and stuff like that, right.  What kinds of signs should I be on the lookout for?”

 

“For what?”

 

“In case Ino’s mom tries to put poison in my food when I’m not paying attention.”

 

Naruto almost chokes on his drink trying to hold back a snort.  He covers his mouth with his hand and forces the sudden mouthful of disgustingly warm sake back down this throat.

 

“I’m serious.  Ino let her pick the restaurant, that really fancy place right by Nimomiya’s bakery, you know.”

 

Uncovering his mouth, Naruto crosses his hands in his lap, pulls at his pants to keep his shoulders from shaking.

 

“What if she tells them to put camellias or something in my food because she doesn’t like my hair?  O-or what if she doesn’t think I look formal enough?  That one kimono I had when I was twelve—I can’t fit that anymore.  I can’t—the hell are you laughing at?”

 

“Your—you should…”  Naruto’s lips start to quiver.  He tries contain another snort but can’t, lets it grow into a few snickers then dissolves into a fit of giggles that leaves him holding his sides, doubled over with his head hovering above the counter he almost bumps into.  “You really should see your face.”

 

“You’re the one with the red face,” Kiba snarls, shoving Naruto upright.

 

“No, it’s your—” Naruto slumps against his chair, sways as he sits himself up, pointing a wavering finger at Kiba.  “ _Your_ face.”

 

“It’s not funny, man.  I’ve never done something like this before.  I might not make it out of there alive.  This could be the last time we see each other.”

 

Naruto props himself over the counter, supporting his weight on his elbows.  He makes a half-hazard grab for the bottle and knocks back the rest of the sake, nearly missing the counter when he sets the bottle down.

 

Kiba looks at Naruto and then the two empty bottles of sake.  He covers his face with his hands.  “That’s it—damn it all to hell, I’m screwed.”

 

Naruto snorts again, breaks into another fit of giggles he doesn’t even try to stop this time.

 

Screwed.

 

He and Sasuke almost—kind of—maybe definitely screwed yesterday.  And Kiba just said screwed.

 

“I am so screwed.”

 

There.

 

He said it again.

 

“Stop pretending to be drunk when you’re not.”  Kiba pulls on his hair and winces.  He decides to pull on Naruto’s hair instead, lunging the short distance between them and almost making Naruto fall out of the chair.  “You can’t be drunk, Naruto.  You don’t get that way.  Stop acting like you do.”

 

But for once, Naruto feels like he can.  Tonight, it feels like he should be.  His face is warm enough.  His arms and legs feel the good kind of tingly.  There’s this really nice feeling, this really comfortable buzz that keeps him from thinking too hard about why hearing Kiba talking about his relationship with Ino makes him want to throw his glass against the wall.

 

“Why are you still laughing?”  Kiba hisses, letting go of Naruto’s hair.  White-knuckled hands press against the edge of the counter.  “Ino wants me to have dinner with her parents, but I don’t know what to do, and you’re still laughing.”

 

Naruto shakes his head, gives a lopsided grin.  “No, no—see, that’s the thing—that’s why it’s so…so funny.”

 

Frowning, Kiba pushes himself away from the counter.  “Naruto…”

 

Naruto glances around the bar then leans forward.  He holds his hand over the side of his mouth, whispers so only Kiba can hear, “I don’t know what to do, either.”

 

...

 

By the time he makes it out of the bar, Naruto’s already come down from his own personal little high, taken over with an unwanted sobriety induced by Kiba’s concern.  Eventually, he gets Kiba to believe him the umpteenth time he says nothing’s wrong, and the conversation that follows and doesn’t mention anything about Ino or Ino’s parents recreates the refreshingly familiar atmosphere they’re supposed to drink and eat in on Sunday nights.

 

They part underneath the banner at the end of the narrow alley, Kiba bumping his fist against Naruto’s shoulder with a tentative smile and Naruto wishing Kiba good luck with another lopsided grin that fades as soon as Kiba turns the other way.

 

Honestly, he doesn’t know what Kiba got so worked up about.  Kiba having dinner with Ino’s parents brings a new aspect to his relationship with Ino, sure, but Naruto can’t understand how Kiba could miss something so blaringly obvious.

 

As much as Ino respects her parents, she’s still the kind of person who goes after what she wants, regardless of what other people say.  For all Kiba’s stressing over the need to impress Ino’s parents, it only matters that Ino thinks Kiba’s good enough.  And she does.  Ino likes him.  Really likes him in the same way Kiba really likes her.  Despite the short notice, she wouldn’t want him to have dinner with her parents if she didn’t.

 

Naruto kicks at the gravel on the road, tiny rocks spurred ahead by feet he doesn’t pick up while walking.

 

Maybe that’s why he couldn’t stop laughing.

 

In a way, it is kind of funny, how Kiba and Ino seem to have this permanence leading towards something that sounds suspiciously like a happy ending, and Naruto just seems to be stuck grasping at whatever this fleeting thing is he has with Sasuke—almost as funny as how even the idea of going wherever his feet feel like taking him manages to lead Naruto in front of Sasuke’s apartment anyway.

 

If he still had it in him to laugh, he would, actually tries to until Sasuke opens the door.

 

“You know what time it is?”

 

Naruto squints at Sasuke, takes in his bland expression and casual posture, the rumpled shirt hanging off his shoulder that brings Naruto’s attention to the dark blemish on Sasuke’s neck he remembers putting there the night before.  “I didn’t wake you up, did I?”

 

Sasuke leans against the doorframe and pulls his shirt over his shoulder.  “Whether I was sleeping or not, I’m awake now.”

 

“Oh.”  Naruto takes a step back, keeps both hands at his sides, one hand fiddling with the seam of the inner pocket of his jacket.  “Sorry.  I didn’t think about that.”

 

“No.  You didn’t.”  Sasuke sighs and runs his fingers through his hair.  “What are you doing here, Naruto?”

 

“I guess I kind of wanted …” Naruto licks his lips.  He doesn’t want to talk about what happened at the bar, doesn’t want to think anymore about Kiba’s nonexistent problems with Ino, yet he doubts admitting he’s horny will go over too well with Sasuke.  “I wanted to see you.”

 

“You didn’t come here to see me.”

 

“Maybe,” Naruto says slowly, trying not to fumble over his words, “maybe not.”

 

“What really brought this on?”

 

“I don’t know.”  Naruto shrugs.  “Can I come in?”

 

Sasuke pushes away from the doorframe and grabs Naruto by the chin, tips Naruto’s head up.  Scrunching his nose, he frowns and narrows his eyes.  “You’re drunk.”

 

“No, I’m not.”  Naruto coughs and backs out of Sasuke’s hold.  He’s steadier than he wishes on his feet.  “I don’t get drunk, remember?”

 

“You were drinking.”

 

“…yeah.”

 

“Why’d you come here?”

 

“Because?”

 

“Just because.”

 

“You make it sound so…so bad.  When you say it like—like that.”

 

“If it sounds so bad, go bother Sakura.”

 

“You know Sakura has to be at the hospital early on Mondays.  She’d kill me before I even got a chance to make it to the door.”

 

“What makes you think I don’t have to be somewhere tomorrow?”

 

“Do you?”

 

When Sasuke doesn’t answer, Naruto looks at the ground, wiggles his toes as he counts them in his head.

 

“Besides,” he says, lifting his gaze back to Sasuke, “I can’t do this with her.”

 

“Can’t because you don’t want to,” Sasuke sneers, “or can’t because she won’t let you?”

 

“Stop making this about Sakura.”  Naruto takes two steps forward, struggles to push down the anger that makes him afraid of what he’ll do if he’s not paying attention.  He takes a deep breath and sighs.  “This never had anything to do with her.”

 

“It always did, even after she rejected you.”

 

“Why are you being such a bastard?” Naruto grounds out.  “I already told you.  This isn’t about Sakura.”

 

“When hasn’t it been with you?”

 

“No—no, I mean, I _can’t_ do this with her.  Because I…because I want to do this with you.  I don’t want to do this with Sakura…”

 

Sasuke falters, takes a step back through the doorway.  Naruto follows with two feet forward.

 

“…anymore.”

 

“…that’s what you came here for?”

 

“I didn’t say that.”

 

“You didn’t have to.”  Sasuke puts his hand in front of Naruto’s pants, grabs the prominent bulge and squeezes.

 

“Yeah, well…”

 

“This time of night and you want sex.”

 

“Do you want to do it or not?” Naruto murmurs, glancing down at the feel of Sasuke’s cock hard against his thigh.  “Don’t try to make this weirder than it already is.”

 

Sasuke lets go and drops his hand, but Naruto takes it as a cue to invite himself closer.  He pushes down a growing annoyance at Sasuke turning his head away from him, presses his mouth against Sasuke’s cheek, against Sasuke’s lower jaw.

 

“I should leave your sorry ass right here.”

 

Naruto kisses down the side of Sasuke’s neck, hums into warm skin that smells like soap.  “Maybe you should.”

                                                                                         

“...I should.”

 

Naruto makes a reach for Sasuke’s wrist, leading Sasuke’s arm around his waist.  His other hand runs down the length of Sasuke’s back, steals beneath Sasuke’s shirt.  He holds Sasuke against him.  “So why don’t you?”

 

Sasuke grunts, leans into Naruto with fingers digging into Naruto’s side.  “I…”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Because…” 

 

“Just because?”

 

“Because I’m not,” Sasuke hisses.  “You’re the one who came to me.  Keep talking and I’ll leave you—”

 

Naruto reaches with both hands for Sasuke’s hips, pulls himself back a little and crushes Sasuke against him.

 

Sasuke drops his face on Naruto’s shoulder, tightens his shaky grip on Naruto’s jacket when Naruto presses into him again.  “...I’ll leave you right here.”

 

Dark hair tickling the side of his face, Naruto keeps Sasuke close.  He kicks off his sandals, forces Sasuke to step back with every step he takes forward, steers him further into the apartment.

 

He doesn’t say anything about Sasuke not leaving him, ignores the uneasy relief in the back of his mind in favour of the effect of Sasuke touching him—the way it makes him feel lightheaded, makes him wobbly enough in the knees to slam Sasuke against the wall outside his room.

 

Sasuke winces, seizes Naruto’s jacket at the hasty apology muttered in his ear.  “You have no sense of direction.”

 

Leaning on Sasuke, Naruto puts a hand on the wall, feeling around for the light switch he could have sworn was there yesterday.  But then he remembers it’s on the other side of the door, too far to reach without moving away from Sasuke.  It’s not his fault he can’t find his way through Sasuke’s apartment in the dark.

 

“Want to do it here?”

 

Sasuke gives Naruto a look, unyielding until Naruto’s fingers slip past the waistband of his pants and trail right back up the curve of Sasuke’s spine.  He tilts his head back, makes this low moan that leaves Naruto staring, wondering how many more ways he can get Sasuke to make that sound again.

 

“…lift your legs.”

 

“What?”

 

Naruto lowers his hands to the back of Sasuke’s legs.  His left thumb roams over Sasuke’s upper thigh, tracing light circles that don’t fail in causing Sasuke to jolt.  “I’m going to lift your legs.”

 

Sasuke takes in a sharp breath, closes his eyes and opens them.  “No.”

 

“You’re flexible enough for this.  Just—”

 

“I don’t care.  I’m not—” Sasuke raises his arm above his head, hand bracing the wall Naruto’s trying to flatten him against.  “I’m not doing that with you.”

 

The annoyance from earlier comes back, rises up the back of Naruto’s throat with a quiet sting that makes his voice rough.  “…that means you’ve already done this.”

 

“It’s not your business to know,” Sasuke breathes, too warm, too close.  The words sear on Naruto’s lips.  “I don’t ask who you’ve fucked with before.”

 

Bending his knees, Naruto pushes forward and then up, lifting Sasuke against the wall.

 

The surprise that registers on Sasuke’s face is brief.  His hands grapple to reach around Naruto’s shoulders, fingers caught between shoving Naruto away and hollowing the material of Naruto’s shirt.  He lets his head fall on his arm, fights back a groan Naruto can feel vibrating in Sasuke’s chest.  “Shit, Naruto, you…”

 

Naruto rests his mouth on the juncture between Sasuke’s neck and shoulder.  The grin he etches there is vindictive.  “What?”

 

“I told you not to do that.”

 

Sasuke pushes against Naruto’s shoulders, and Naruto staggers for a second or two, pushes back with a thrust that presses Sasuke further into the wall.  For some strange reason he was expecting Sasuke to be holding on to him at this point.

                                                                                                                                                                               

Still, it feels good like this, easier to get more friction even though they both have clothes on—would be great if Sasuke just put his legs around Naruto’s waist so Naruto won’t have to bear the brunt of Sasuke’s weight.

 

“Somehow, this turned out a lot better in my head.”  Naruto plants his feet, grunts as he repositions an almost completely slack Sasuke who’s kind of heavier than he looks.  “You could, um, you could help me out here, you know.” 

 

“I know.”

 

“Really,” Naruto says, “you could.”

 

“Why?”  Legs still dangling over Naruto’s arms, Sasuke raises his hands level with his head.  He holds his palms flat against the wall, elbows turned out and framing his face.  “Can’t do it by yourself?”

 

Naruto groans and lays his head on Sasuke’s shoulder, lightly skims his teeth over the skin near the nape of Sasuke’s neck.  Of course Sasuke’s going to make him work for it.

 

But the legs around his waist come without warning.  The roll of Sasuke’s hips—Sasuke brushing against his cock, real slow, almost painful, making it hard to keep his thoughts straight the way Sasuke’s moving against him just like that—catches Naruto off guard, relaxes the hold he has on Sasuke, and Sasuke pushes himself off the wall with enough force to send them both tumbling to the floor.

 

...

 

“I’m almost there.  Hold on for me, okay.”

 

“Either put it in or take it out.”  Sasuke clutches at the sheets.  “Don’t just—”

 

“Just a little b-bit more.”  The cramps in his legs leave Naruto’s entire body taut.  Knees sinking into the bed, he begins to push in slowly, so slowly, because the tightness that’s yet to go away makes moving more difficult than it should be.

 

He pulls out just a little, grits his teeth against the urge to push right back in at the sharp hiss from Sasuke.

 

After too long of a pause, he swallows, listens to the breaths that separate his from Sasuke’s.  “Does it still hurt?” 

 

Sasuke brings a hand to his mouth.  He jerks when Naruto starts moving again, pressing the heel of his palm against his teeth.  “What the hell do you think?”

 

“I think it feels…”  Carefully, Naruto pulls Sasuke’s palm away from his mouth, places both hands over Sasuke’s wrists and holds them to the bed.  His fingers trail down Sasuke’s arm, go back up to cover Sasuke’s hands with his own.  “…it feels good.

 

Sasuke turns his head to the side.  He presses his face into the sheets, already short pants coming out faster as Naruto continues to push in.

 

“Sasuke…”

 

“Just…just k-keep going.”

 

“You’re still too tight,” Naruto bites out.  “You need to loosen up a little.”

 

“I’m not trying to—”

 

“I said loosen up.  Not—” Naruto stiffens, keeps himself steady over Sasuke.  They’ve already done this a few times, but it’s always uncomfortable at first, this really tight pressure Naruto isn’t even sure is normal because his experience having sex with guys is limited to doing it with Sasuke.

 

He doesn’t know how he did it all those times before.  Whenever they start out, it feels like he can’t move, feels like Sasuke’s trying to kill him.  Naruto knows he is.  Sasuke has to be.  One day trying to fit the rest of his cock in there is going to make it fall off.  Then Sasuke’s going to give him that smirk, that really smug look like he’s been secretly planning the demise of Naruto’s cock all along.

 

But when Sasuke comes up with another one of those moans, there’s this weird kind of numbness in the outer side of Naruto’s left foot.  The tingle makes his ankle twitch.  It runs up his leg, coils for a while in his stomach, and settles in his chest.

 

Now it’s starting to feel good, on the verge of something that’ll feel even better than really good—right there—if he can just keep it going like this.

 

He groans, pushes in as far as he can.  His toes curl and bear down on the bed when Sasuke presses into him, makes him lose his grip on Sasuke’s wrists.  Sasuke pulls away and pushes himself back on Naruto’s cock, holds Naruto still, makes him tremble and almost fall over.

 

“…fuck.”  Naruto clenches his teeth, squeezing his eyes shut.  He drops his head over Sasuke’s shoulder, murmurs into Sasuke’s neck something that sounds entirely too incoherent to actually be called Japanese.  “W-warn a guy before you do that.”

 

Sasuke picks up a faster pace, not bothering to wait on Naruto.  “Keep moving.” 

 

Legs folded beneath him, Naruto sits back on his feet, pulling Sasuke on top of him.  One arm goes over Sasuke’s waist, hand gripping Sasuke’s side and holding him upright.  His other hand stretches down Sasuke’s leg, rubs and kneads the skin alongside Sasuke’s inner thigh before his fingers wrap around Sasuke’s cock.

 

Sasuke lolls his head back, arches into Naruto’s chest.  A hand settles on top of the fingers pressing into his side, and he reaches behind with his other hand to grab a fistful of Naruto’s hair.

 

Fingers tightening around Sasuke’s cock, Naruto moves them up and down, pushes himself in and out of Sasuke.  Despite the coordinated efforts between his hand and his cock, though, what little rhythm Naruto does establish is thrown out of sync the moment Sasuke starts to circle his hips, when he tugs on Naruto’s hair, pulls down hard enough to distract Naruto’s focus from the way Sasuke’s grinding on his cock.

 

The bed begins to shift forward.  The headboard almost hits the wall, pushes closer at every other creak intermittent with the sound of skin slapping against skin.

 

“Is that the…?”  Lowering his hand from Naruto’s hair, Sasuke stills.  “You’re making the bed hit the wall.”

 

“…huh?”

 

“Stop hitting the bed against the wall.”

 

“Seriously?”  But Naruto still stops, places a hand over Sasuke’s stomach and uses the other to push back the hair sticking to his forehead.  “That’s what you’re—the _wall_?”

 

Sasuke sends Naruto a less than agreeable look from over his shoulder.

 

The wall of all things—if Sasuke cares more about the wall than having sex, clearly Naruto’s doing something wrong.

                                                                                                                                            

Running his hands along Sasuke’s sides, he presses Sasuke into the bed, tries to make the creaking from the bed frame louder this time since apparently he wasn’t doing enough to keep Sasuke’s attention before.

 

Sasuke turns his face into the sheets.  “I better not find marks on the wall.”

“Mm-hmm…” 

 

“I find marks on the wall, Naruto, and you’ll be—”

 

“I’ll be what?” Naruto breathes next to Sasuke’s ear.  He lowers his pelvis, pulling his cock halfway out and then raising back up to push forward.  “Doing this?”

 

Sasuke muffles a curse with his arm.  He drags his fingers across the bed, tries to twist away from the hands holding him steady.  Grip on Sasuke’s hips firm, Naruto throws his head back, speeds up shallows thrusts that gradually become deliberate, gradually turn into slow heaves shoving Sasuke up against the bed.

 

He falls over with a sharp jerk, shuddering on top of Sasuke with his chest slick over Sasuke’s back.  Sasuke lays still, stays clenched around Naruto’s cock while Naruto slowly slides against him.  Slipping a hand beneath Sasuke, Naruto lifts him up a little then presses in as much as he can go.  Sasuke bites back a choked cry, and Naruto hisses, rides out a few more sporadic twitches until Sasuke relaxes and finally lets him go.

 

“Still, uh…”  Naruto pauses to take a breath, exhales when he feels his cock beginning to soften inside Sasuke.  “Still worried about the wall?”

 

With a groan, Sasuke makes a blind reach behind him, tries to cuff Naruto in the head but misses.  His arm flops back on the bed, and Naruto can’t help it when he laughs.

 

This hoarse and guttural sound that comes from his chest, Naruto just laughs.

 

...

 

Naruto crosses his arms behind his head, stares at the ceiling while he waits for his eyes to adjust.  He doesn’t need to look at the clock to knows it’s somewhere before seven.  There’s enough light outside to see the sun’s starting to come up, but even though the late mornings in the winter make the days shorter, it still feels too early to be awake.

 

It’s usually when he gets up anyway, but he can afford to stay in bed a few more minutes.  Five more.  Or maybe twenty.  An hour won’t hurt.   He can get out of bed then, use the time it doesn’t take to shake off the groggy feeling from just waking up to lie here a little while longer.

 

Naruto flexes his toes, stretches his legs to work out the kinks from last night.  With one hand pushing into the bed, he sits up without jostling Sasuke sleeping beside him.  The blanket falls over his lap as he turns around to glance at the wall that doesn’t have any of the scuff marks Sasuke was so worried about.

 

Mouth wide, a loud yawn has him wiping at the corners of his eyes.  He leans against the headboard, looks around the room.  Despite how many times he’s been here, he’s never really paid that much attention to it, much less to the rest of the apartment and the kinds of things that exist in a world beyond Sasuke’s bed.

 

Overall, it’s a pretty ordinary place.  It actually reminds him of Sakura’s in some ways, with the motif of blue and green accents scattered against an otherwise bland backdrop.  Aside from the colours, he wouldn’t think their tastes would be so similar, although it shouldn’t be too surprising since Sasuke helped Sakura set up her apartment.

 

It’s still nice, though, with a few simple touches here and there.  Like the vase on the counter near the kitchen window, the stubby black one Naruto remembers Sakura carrying when he ran into her that day in July. 

 

The only difference now is that the handful of jasmine isn’t there anymore.  Sasuke killed those off not too long after Sakura gave them to him, which wasn’t so unexpected, but it definitely made Naruto think twice about giving Sasuke one of the potted plants taking up too much space on his balcony.

 

There’s the sitting room, too, probably the only part of the apartment that truly stands out since it’s so traditional in comparison, but, at the same time, there’s something about it that seems to embody Sasuke more than anything else.

 

Sasuke doesn’t even use it.  Once a week, he kneels on the floor to open the screen door then goes inside to sweep the tatami mats and polish the small table in the middle of the room.   The porcelain tea set on the table, Sasuke takes extra care when he’s dusting it, is meticulous arranging it the same way every time, like he’s preparing to serve tea to four people, and Naruto can never bring himself to ask why Sasuke bothers to keep it there at all.

 

Sasuke doesn’t really let him go in the sitting room anyway.  The few times Naruto’s been were exceptions, mostly because he was helping Sasuke install the tatami mats after he moved in.  Although even if Sasuke allowed him to go there again, actually used it for something other than decoration, the room feels too personal for Naruto to ever feel comfortable in.

 

The movement on the bed makes him start, and Naruto stills, looks to see if Sasuke woke up.

 

Sasuke turns over towards him, eyes still closed, mouth slightly opened, with the left side of his face against the pillow.  He moves his knee up, bringing an arm between his head and Naruto.

 

Lifting his half of the blanket, Naruto lays it over Sasuke.  He peers down, eyes the small dimple on Sasuke’s right cheek.

 

It isn’t often that he gets to see it.  There isn’t a certain expression Sasuke has to have, nothing special Sasuke has to do to make the dimple show.  But on the rare occasion it does, Naruto wants to press his mouth against it, use his lips to map out the small area of skin he wants to rediscover again and again so he’ll always know where to find it even when Sasuke isn’t smiling or laughing or smirking—so he won’t have to waste moments like this wondering about the next time he’ll be able to see it.

 

Naruto blinks, shifts away from Sasuke and starts to make his way off the bed.  The soft rustling of the sheets almost convinces him to stay, almost gives him to a reason to wake Sasuke just so he’d have an excuse not to leave.

 

With the floor cold beneath his feet, Naruto stands still, stifles the urge to slip back into the bed because it’s easier to give in than go home to an empty apartment.  But the backlog of paperwork sitting on his desk can’t wait.  Tsunade’s giving him until Wednesday to finish, more than enough time considering she handed him the paperwork last week, yet somehow, looking at the warmth next to Sasuke makes Naruto feel like the day’s already over.

 

Sighing, he bends down to pick up his clothes from the floor, shuffles into them while facing away from the bed.  He shrugs on his jacket, adjusting his collar as he takes short strides across the room.

 

He pauses under the threshold, places a hand on the doorframe.  With one last look behind him, Naruto snorts, stares at Sasuke a little longer before he turns away and lets his hand fall from the doorframe on the way out.

 

Sakura was right.

 

...

 

Naruto sucks on his thumb, tongue soothing over the small scratch across his skin Sasuke called him a baby for whining about and an idiot for getting in the first place because it’s not the first time Naruto almost hammered a nail into some part of his hand.

 

It was the poorest show of gratitude for Naruto being up here helping Sasuke replace these shingles at all, but when they finished, the only thing Sasuke said he’s grateful for was Naruto demonstrating the many ways how not to fix a roof.

 

“You cold?”

 

“What makes you think I’m cold?”

 

Naruto shrugs, eying the dark blue t-shirt Sasuke’s wearing.  The last week in February, it’s not really that cold since it’s almost spring, but the shiver from Sasuke when Naruto accidently brushed his arm against Sasuke’s leg says otherwise.

 

“You get cold, don’t you?”

 

Sasuke purses his lips.

 

“Don’t you?”

 

“No.”

 

“You want my jacket?”  Naruto picks up the grey and orange jacket lying next to him on his right.  “If you’re cold, you can have my jacket.  It’s—”

 

“Stupid,” Sasuke says.  “Because then you’d be cold.”

 

“Not really.”  Naruto raises his head and glances over the line of rooftops following the horizon, leading towards the sun setting behind the mahogany fence.  He pulls on the long sleeve of his shirt rolled up to his elbow, slowly turns back to look down at Sasuke.  “I’d be okay.”

 

Sasuke opens his mouth but closes it and settles with giving Naruto a pointed look.  “I don't want your jacket.”

 

“Okay, maybe you don’t want it...but do you need it?”

 

“I don't need your jacket.”

 

“Why do I even—gah!”  Naruto throws up his arms and drops the jacket in his lap, shoulders deflating with the feeble glare he gives Sasuke.  “See if I try to be nice to you again,” he mutters.

 

There’s a slight upturn of the right corner of Sasuke’s mouth.  It’s really close to a smirk, probably would have been if it stayed a little while longer, but Naruto doesn’t get a chance to find out before it’s gone.

 

“I never asked you to be nice to me.”

 

Lips quirking, Naruto leans over to squint at Sasuke.  “...you’re using that technique to keep yourself warm, aren’t you?”

 

Sasuke snorts and pushes away Naruto’s face with his hand.

 

“You could have just told me instead of going through that much effort to turn me down,” Naruto says, because, yeah, those things so obvious to Sasuke are rarely obvious to him.  “You just don’t want to admit you get cold like normal people.”

 

Sasuke doesn’t rise to the bait, but Naruto’s face still comes up with this ridiculous smile he can’t hide when Sasuke snatches the jacket from his lap and places it underneath his head.

 

“Hey—about Otsuka’s koi,” Naruto says, crossing the legs stretched out in front of him.  “I know you really couldn’t see all of them since some of his ponds haven’t thawed out yet.  And we didn’t even get a chance to feed them, but you didn’t mind me taking you there earlier, did you?”

 

“No.”

 

“What’d you think about the ones we got to see?”

 

“They're...colourful.”

 

“Yeah, and they’re going to get even brighter soon.  It’s supposed to be good luck to buy koi in the spring, so you might want to pick out a couple of fry with some of the adult ones to get you started.  Otsuka’s really good at sorting them.  I think he’s the best at that.”

 

Sasuke gives an absent nod of his head.

 

“It’s hard to choose one when he breeds so many, though.  Higoi, ogon, aka bekko,” Naruto contiunes to list off the koi with his fingers, “hi usturi, karasugoi, aka matsuba, hariwake—but it’s fun to see so many colours at one time.”

 

“What colours?  The ones you mentioned all tend to come in some variation of orange.”

 

“That’s not true.  Karasugoi are—”

 

“Black, but the ones Otsuka showed us had orange bellies.”

 

Naruto raises one finger at Sasuke, frowns then pauses.  He folds his hands in his lap.  “Okay, so a lot of them can look more orange than red, but I like asagi, too.  And most of the sanke.  And I really like the ogon.  Not just the orange ones, either.  Oh, and the tancho, too, the white ones with the red dots on their heads.  That’s my favourite kohaku.  But they all look good together, so I’d probably end up getting as much as I could fit if I had a pond that big.”

 

“We didn’t go there for your pond.”

 

“I know.  I know.”  Naruto waves a hand at Sasuke.  “You don't have to ruin it for me.  I wouldn’t even know what to do if I had that kind of space, but can’t it be okay that I’m excited for you?”

 

“Excited for me.”

 

“Well, yeah, since you paid more attention to the water hyacinth than the koi.”

 

“I saw the koi.”

 

“All that time we spent there and you didn’t see any that you really liked?”

 

“The gin matusba.”

 

“You would, wouldn’t you.”

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

“Nothing.  It just seems like something you’d go for.”

 

Adjusting the jacket cushioning his head, Sasuke makes this little hmph noise.  “...you can pick one.”

 

“Really? I can pick one?”

 

Sasuke turns on his side, away from Naruto.  “Forget it.”

 

“You already offered now.”  Naruto grins, rubbing his finger across the space between his nose and his upper lip.

 

“Don't get carried away.  I said you can pick one, but that doesn’t mean I’m letting you put anything orange in the pond.”

 

“Hehe...”  Naruto lies down next to Sasuke, tries to get comfortable on top of the surface that’s anything but.  “It's still cool, though, right, you letting me pick one?”

 

Sasuke sighs.  “It's getting late.”

 

“Want to stay here and watch the sky for a little while?”  Naruto pulls at the sleeve of his jacket so he can lie his head on it.  He shifts to look at Sasuke.  “It’s not that cold anymore, and it's nice being this close.”

 

Sasuke stares at him, eyes unblinking, and Naruto tries to curb the blush on his face with a forced laugh.

 

“The sky, I mean—being this close to the sky.”

 

“Being this high above the ground doesn’t make much of a difference.”

 

“I know, but don’t you think it feels like we’re closer from up here?”

 

“No.”  Sasuke grunts and closes his eyes.  “I thought you said it was too uncomfortable to stay on the roof longer than we have to?”

 

“A little,” Naruto whispers, watching the slight breeze blow away the hair from Sasuke’s face, “but it's still nice.”

 

...

 

“How much time do you plan on spending to fix the Uchiha district?”

 

“Until it’s finished,” Sasuke says.  “I don’t know when, though.  It’ll probably take years.”

 

“Yeah, but how many?”

 

“Considering the sheer size of this place?”  Sasuke takes a quick glance at the area surrounding them then arches an eyebrow at Naruto.  “A lot.”

 

“Like that actually answers my question.”  Hands behind his head, Naruto sucks his teeth.  “Just so you know, I’m still going to be Hokage one day.”

 

“Who says?”

 

“I say.  And the old hag, too.  She thinks I’ll be ready by the time she has to step down.”

 

“What’s that supposed to mean to me?”

 

“To you, it means I haven’t given up.  Because when I say I’m going to do something, I mean it.  I don’t go back on my promises.”

 

“And you felt the need to bring this up because...”

 

Naruto huffs.  “Because it’s probably going to take me a few more years until I do become Hokage.”

 

“How many?”

 

“A lot,” Naruto says, mimicking Sasuke’s voice from earlier, but he stammers at the amused look on Sasuke’s face.  “I mean a couple of years,” he corrects himself.  “Not too long, though.”

                                                                                                                                                 

“No,” Sasuke says softly, “just long enough.”

 

“Yeah, and I...”  Naruto looks down at the ground, gaze lingering on his moving feet until he turns back to Sasuke.  “What I’m trying to say is, even when I’m Hokage, I’m still going to help you with this.  Even if it takes longer than that, I’ll be here until we finish.  And after we finish everything, too.  I won’t leave then, either.”

 

“...what?”

 

“Yeah, because if something’s important to you then it’s important to me, too, and I—”  Naruto stops walking when he notices the absence of Sasuke beside him.  He turns on his heel and frowns at Sasuke.  “Why’d you stop?”

 

“You said we.”                                                                                                                                                         

 

“Yeah.”  Naruto lets his arms fall at his sides.  “So?”

 

“You keeping saying we.”

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“You keep saying we, but I’m not asking you to help me.”

 

“Wait, wait—all of a sudden I need your permission to help you?”

 

“Yes, because I never asked you to help me.”

 

“And that’s the point.  The fact you don’t have to ask for help in order for me to give it.”

 

“This isn’t just something for you to do in your spare time.  Don’t treat this like it’s a hobby keeping you busy.  You’re just—”

 

“Okay, seriously, what the hell brought this on?  You let me help with your house, right?  In fact, you _made_ me clean and polish and wax those floors, remember?”

 

“Only because you’re the moron who thought it was okay to spy on me,” Sasuke hisses.  “I know shouldn’t have yet—I should have left you right there, and I didn’t, but I’m taking it back now.  Forget everything that—”

 

“You can’t just—”

 

“I should have done this before, but it was different then.”

 

“How is now any different?  If we started this together, it’s only expected that we finish it together.”

 

“There can’t be a _we_ between us, Naruto.  I can’t let you—”  Sasuke clenches his fist.  “This place is all I have left here, all I have left of them—I’m not letting you take this away from me, too.”

 

“Never mind that I’m not even trying to take anything from you, what about me?  I’m still here.”  Naruto reaches for Sasuke.  “I’m not going anywhere.”

 

Prying the fingers off his shoulder, Sasuke throws Naruto’s hand back at him.  “Stop being so—”

 

“Oh, no.”  Naruto shakes his head, scoffs at the glare Sasuke gives him.  “Don’t call me that, Sasuke.  Stop hiding behind that word because I’m not selfish, and you know it.”

 

“You always want more than you should, Naruto—more than I can give you.  That’s what makes you selfish.”

 

“Then I’ll take what you can give me,” Naruto blurts out.  “Whatever you want to give, I can...I’ll be okay with that.”

 

Sasuke’s glare starts to waver.  When Naruto steps forward, it disappears, replaced with a gaze carefully blank and decidedly unwelcome.

 

“Sasuke, don’t—”

 

“Just go, Naruto.  Just...” 

 

Naruto feels his chest constrict, tighten even further as Sasuke turns away from him, but the overwhelming urge to bring Sasuke back around, the need to keep Sasuke from shutting him out, fades with the sigh Naruto almost doesn’t hear.

 

“...don’t come back here anymore.”

 

...

 

“It’s been over a year.  A year since me and Ino started going out—can you believe that?”  Kiba grins, leaning back against his chair with his hands folded behind his head.  “Ino’s mom even kind of likes me now.  Did you know she invited me out to dinner?  Just the two of us?  And the way Ino smiled about it, she was really happy when I told her.  What I wouldn’t give to see her smile like that all the time, you know.”

 

Over his bowl, idly, Naruto twirls thin wheat noodles around his chopsticks.  “You’re such a sap.”

 

“Look who’s talking.”  Kiba snorts.  “ _I’m_ the sap?  Me?  No, you can’t be talking about me because I don’t do sappy.”

 

Naruto raises both eyebrows.  “And you and Ino did what for your anniversary?”

 

“Me and Ino, we, uh—”  Hands dropping to his lap, Kiba straightens in his chair and looks down, but it doesn’t keep the flush from spreading to his cheeks.  He looks up with an almost dreamy glint, and Naruto rolls his eyes at the dopey grin that matches the rest of Kiba’s face.  “Yeah...”

 

Naruto slurps the noodles he brings to his mouth, smacking his lips at the salty broth that almost burns his tongue before going down his throat.  “And you’re still drooling over it.”

 

“I am not.”  But Kiba picks up his glass and checks his distorted reflection just to make sure.  “Okay, sure, I’m really hung up on Ino—what about it?  I really like her.  And I’m really happy about the way things are going.  You can’t get upset at me for that.”

 

“If you’re still hung up on something that happened almost a month ago, yeah, I can.  Because every time we come here all you do is talk about her.  It’s always Ino this and Ino that, and I thought we agreed not to—”

 

“Look, just because you’re not getting any—”

 

“Just—just shut it, all right.”  Naruto grips his chopsticks.  “I never said anything about that.”

 

“Then why all the moping?  What’s been making you so pissy lately?” Kiba says.  “I thought you and Sasuke were good now.”

 

His hold on the chopsticks loosens, lands on the rim of the bowl, and Naruto watches them slowly sink deeper into the broth.

 

“You two are good, right?”

 

Naruto sighs.

 

Kiba stares.

 

Naruto sighs again.

 

“...you really have no luck with relationships, do you?”

 

“Seriously, what’s with that kind of sudden change in attitude?”

 

“You couldn’t get the relationship you wanted with Sakura,” Kiba says, “and now you can’t keep whatever it is you have with Sasuke.”

 

“It’s not too much to ask for an actual relationship with him,” Naruto murmurs.

 

“You should have just stuck with Megumi.  At least you knew where you stood with her.”

 

Naruto groans and slumps over, resting his chin on the counter and letting his arms droop at his sides. 

 

“What?  I’m just trying to help.”

 

“Well, in that case,” Naruto says, turning his head and narrowing his eyes at Kiba, “you’re not helping.”

 

“Okay, so Sasuke turned you down.  Sakura’s turned you down plenty of times.  That never stopped you before.”

 

“Sasuke didn’t turn me down.  We’re taking a break.  That’s it.  That’s all it is.”

 

“A break?”

 

“Mm-hmm.  A break.”  Naruto nods his head.  Taking his time, he sits up in his chair only to slouch right back against it.  “As in I haven’t seen Sasuke in a couple of weeks.”

 

“That’s why you’ve been so...”

 

“About you and Ino?”  Naruto chews on his bottom lip.  “...yeah.” 

 

“Oh.”  Kiba looks away, eyes focused on the small nicks scattered alongside the rounded edge of the counter.  “...I guess I can understand something like that then.”

 

“So what if I want more than what we already have?  Not that I’m complaining about sex with Sasuke, but wanting it to mean more than just sex, that doesn’t have to be a bad thing, does it?”

 

“First of all, what’d I say about even hinting at details?”

 

Naruto’s only response is the flattest look he can muster without completely channelling Sasuke.

 

“And second of all, if you want more than just… _that_ with Sasuke—keeping in mind I don’t want to know why you’d want it in the first place—shouldn’t you be talking to him about it?”

 

“I...”

 

“Don’t tell me you didn’t even talk to Sasuke about it.”  After a moment, when the silence between them starts to stretch too long, Kiba says, “ You didn’t talk to Sasuke about it, did you.”

 

The way Kiba said it, there’s no doubt it wasn’t a question, and Naruto pulls a face, scrunching his nose.  He did try to talk to Sasuke about it.  Maybe.  He probably wasn’t as blunt as he could have been, because it didn’t really come out the way he wanted it to, but apparently Sasuke understood enough of what Naruto had been trying to say if he was so quick to push him away that day.

 

“Coming from somebody who actually knows how to keep a relationship—”

 

“Kiba...”

 

“No, seriously, just listen to me a for a sec.  If you really want something more out of what you have with Sasuke, you have to talk to him about it.  You say you want to make it work.  Then make it work.  But with someone like you, Naruto, the kind of guy who goes after whatever he believes in headfirst, the only question is, why is it that being with Sasuke, all of a sudden you’re holding yourself back?”

 

...

 

To his credit, Naruto takes up Kiba’s advice and tries talking to Sasuke again.  While he doesn’t want to admit it, relationships are an area Kiba’s surprisingly better at.  The thing about giving flowers to Sakura did hold true despite it not working in his favour, just like the thing about touching girls along that one spot on the back of their knees during sex that he didn’t believe at first.  There are just some things Kiba knows that he’s learned not to take for granted, and since he still isn’t willing to let this thing with Sasuke go, the next day finds Naruto on the eighth training ground.

 

It’s the first place he thinks to look.  Fortunately, it’s also the last.  It’s not like he had to look too hard or that far, but it’s almost reassuring he knows Sasuke well enough to be able to find him without really trying.

 

It’s where they usually come to spar, although Sasuke likes to come here to train with or without him.  He admitted he prefers it because no else comes here to use it, which Naruto readily believed because of the kind of person Sasuke is, but considering nobody else comes here because it’s so close to the Uchiha district, Naruto keeps to himself he believes Sasuke’s reasoning has a lot more to do with that.

 

The grass snaps at intervals beneath the heavy footfalls of his sandals, and Naruto stops a good distance from Sasuke’s turned back.  The light illuminating the area around Sasuke begins to die down, fading with the high-pitched screeches and cackling alongside the few sparks still emitting from Sasuke’s right hand.

 

When the light disappears completely, Naruto takes a few more steps forward, cautious as he approaches Sasuke.

 

Sasuke doesn’t say anything, doesn’t make a move to acknowledge Naruto behind him.

 

The itch right on the inside of his lower thumb causes Naruto to scratch at the skin with his forefinger. 

 

“Why are you following me?”

 

“I’m not following you, I— ”  Chest close to Sasuke’s back, Naruto forces himself to calm down, forces his hands still at Sasuke’s small shiver from his breath on Sasuke’s neck.  “Why are you avoiding me?”

 

“I told you not to come back anymore.”

 

“Come back where—here?  You can’t tell me not to come here.”

 

“You know damn well what I’m talking about.”

 

“If you really wanted me to leave you alone, you wouldn’t have let things get so far, you wouldn’t have let it come to this.”

 

“And what is this, Naruto?  Tell me what you think _this_ is supposed to be.”

 

“I don’t know what I did this time, but whatever it is, avoiding me’s not going to do anything except make it worse.”

 

Naruto reaches to grab Sasuke’s arm, but the attempt is met with a punch aimed towards his face.  He intercepts it with his hand.  Stumbling, he grits his teeth at the force behind the impact as shaky fingers curl over Sasuke’s fist.  “Don’t start this again.”

 

“Start what?”  

 

“I already know what you’re trying to make me do, so stop it.”

 

Sasuke rips his fist away from Naruto’s hand and lowers his arm.

 

“At first I tried to give you space.  I thought that’s what we both needed because it’s easier for things to get better after that, but...”

 

“But what?” Sasuke hisses.

 

“Being away from you, knowing you’re trying to avoid me, I can’t deal with that anymore.”

 

“What—you forgot how to get off without me?  You’re too good for your own hand?”

 

“It’s not...that.”

 

“You can’t even say it.”

 

“Fuck, Sasuke, it’s—”  Naruto takes in a deep breath and breathes out.  “It’s not about the sex, all right.”

 

“What else can it be?”

 

“I’m talking about that connection we’ve always had, even before the sex started.  Since we’ve known each other, it’s been there.  And it’s still there despite all the stuff we tried to put behind us.”

 

“Why do you always have to be like this?”

 

“You know those times when you won’t let me be around you?  When you ignore me and act like I’m not here—whether you do it for two seconds or two weeks or two years, it’s all the same feeling to me.”

 

Sasuke covers his forehead with his hand, pushes his hair back.

 

“And I can’t stand that, Sasuke.  I don’t know what it is, but it keeps getting harder each time you do it.”

 

“...what do you want from me?”

 

“Whatever you want to give me.”

 

“What if I don’t want to give you anything?”

 

“As long as you let me keep what I already have, I’ll...”  Naruto rubs the bottom of his palm against the wrist of his other hand.  “Like I said, I can be okay with that.”

 

“You’re lying, Naruto.  You still can’t tell me what you want because you don’t even know.”

 

“I told you I—”

 

“You can’t even give yourself a straight answer, but if the concept of knowing what you want is too much for you to comprehend, I’ll simplify it for you.  Whatever you want to think is between us,” Sasuke says, “whatever you claim that is, you don’t want it.  For some reason, you’re still under this childish impression that everything will fall into place according to you, and all of _this_ is just you going after something you want because you don’t have it.”

 

“Would just stop trying to turn my words against me?  I don’t know how else I can say it.  I don’t know what else I need to do to make you see that it actually bothers me when I can’t be near you because I _like_ being able to share so many things with you.  I don’t want to be without that when I know I don’t have to.”

 

“And it’s still about you getting your way.”

 

“Don’t do that.  Don’t run away.”

 

“I’m not running away.”

 

“Aren’t you?”

 

“You always come to me wanting something.”

 

“If you don’t want to give me anything, then I don’t want anything, okay, but the fact that I like to be with you, is it really so bad?”

 

Sasuke glares.

 

“Is this about what I said before, about wanting to help you with the Uchiha district?  Is that why you’re upset?  Look, you can’t do everything by yourself, Sasuke.  That whole place, it’ll take a long time to finish even with me helping.  It’s too much.  Just accept that I want to help you.  And if I want to save you time, if I want to make sure you—”

 

“Don’t think you saved me anything,” Sasuke snarls.  “You didn’t save me a damn thing because I _never_ needed to be saved.”

 

“I’m not trying to save you.”

 

“Then you’re doing one hell of a job pretending to be obligated to me like I’m your responsibility.”

 

“You think I’m doing this because I feel like I have to look after you?  Whatever you did then that’s making you so suspicious about me wanting to spend time with you and actually liking it, you made those choices.  I didn’t make them for you.  You did.”

 

“Like you’re that much different.  You really think what you do doesn’t have an effect on me?”

 

The words Naruto doesn’t want to say start to come out instead of the words he’s trying to say, and it feels like they’re kids again, right back to where they started.

 

“You’re the one who came back to Konoha with your tail between your legs because you didn’t know what else to do.  And even if you think I’m somehow involved, you’re the one who has to live with it.  Not me.  But like you said, you came back on your own.  You told me you aren’t here for my sake.  You told me it’s none of my business why you’re even here at all because you didn’t come running back for me, so there’s no way in _hell_ , Sasuke, that this can be my fault.  Apparently I wasn’t anywhere near enough to bring you back, and I know I’m not the reason that’s keeping you here.  I can’t be when—”

 

There’s a slight tension in Sasuke’s shoulders, this hardly noticeable twitch Naruto wouldn’t have seen if he wasn’t already aware of Sasuke’s body language.  “Did you really…?”

 

“Don’t go there, Naruto.”

 

“No, I can’t believe you—”  Naruto stares with wide eyes at the silent admission.  “You didn’t—”

 

“I didn’t do anything.”

 

“How long, Sasuke?”

 

“...shut up.”

 

“Since we’ve been having sex?  Since we painted the fence?  Since I saw you with Sakura?  Since you came back?  Or did you leave because of me, too?”

 

“Stop trying to make everything about you and just shut the hell up.”

 

“No, no, it goes back to that night I kissed you, doesn’t it?  Before I even realised what you started to mean to—”

 

Naruto cuts himself off and narrows his eyes.  He’s wasted so much time second-guessing himself, wondering if it was worth chasing after a relationship with Sasuke when he couldn’t even convince himself Sasuke wanted one with him.  Yet knowing Sasuke’s been just as torn over this changes everything, too much for either of them to simply ignore, so wanting to know when Sasuke started to feel that way about him can’t be asking for too much.

 

“But then you kissed me back,” Naruto says, “which means it had to have started way before that, so how long, Sasuke?”

                                                                                                                                             

“Shut up.”

 

“How fucking long, Sasuke?” Naruto scowls.  “I can’t believe all this time—it’s always been more than sex with you all this time, and you’re the one who called me—”

 

“Shut up, Naruto, shut _up_!”

 

Dark eyes flare into a familiar red.  Naruto doesn’t have a chance to react when he finds himself trapped between a tree and Sasuke’s arm lodged against his throat.

 

“You came back for me, didn’t you?”

 

Sasuke tilts his elbow and pushes up from beneath Naruto’s chin, forcing Naruto’s head back.  “I dare you to say it again.”

 

“I can’t believe you came back for—”  Naruto gasps for air, chest heaving at Sasuke’s arm increasing the pressure on his throat.

 

“One more time, Naruto.”

 

“What’s the problem?” Naruto wheezes out.  “Tell me I don’t have anything to do with you staying in Konoha, and...and I’ll forget this.  I’ll take back everything...everything just like...you wanted if you tell me I don’t mean anything to you.”

 

Although the hesitation in Sasuke’s stance is brief, disappears with the red in his eyes that fades into black, it gives Naruto an opening to slip out from beneath Sasuke’s arm.

                                                                                                                                 

He pushes off the tree with a kick that causes Sasuke to fall back.  Sasuke drops his arms to sidestep Naruto’s leg, but Naruto catches him by both wrists.  He slams Sasuke into the tree, arm bearing down hard across Sasuke’s chest.

 

“Tell me, Sasuke!”

 

Sasuke coughs, winces when he’s shoved up against the tree. 

 

“Tell me!”

 

Yet Sasuke just stares, doesn’t try to fight against the arm holding him up.  He even leans into it, almost like he’s leaning into Naruto.

 

How Sasuke can be this calm, it makes Naruto feel like an idiot for panting so hard, but he continues to shove at Sasuke, continues to shout with a voice growing louder and louder as a sneer slowly begins to creep onto Sasuke’s face.

 

It’s the same smirk that taints his features, threatening to take away the only Sasuke Naruto knows with that dull sheen that makes him look lifeless, forever mocking him with that vacant expression he’s never been able to breach.

 

Barely, Naruto’s fist misses Sasuke’s cheek.  More than half a second later and he knows he would have dislocated Sasuke’s jaw, but it’s the tree that takes the brunt of the impact.  The bark shatters beneath his knuckles.  Splinters of wood are embedded deeper in his skin as he pulls his arm out.  The gaping hole he leaves splits the thick trunk in two, and he watches it fall to the ground with a sickening crack.

 

Nails slipping against the blood seeping through his fingers, he stares at the stump left behind, lowers his head and closes his eyes at the hair falling over his face because Sasuke’s already gone.

...

 

“I didn’t come back for you.”

 

Naruto blinks, mouth parting.  He rubs at his still sore throat, takes in the rigid set of Sasuke’s shoulders, the carefully blank stare and the pale flush of Sasuke’s face that always seems paler because of his hair.

 

There’s a slight pause, the kind of hesitation Naruto knows to look for ever since he discovered how good Sasuke isn’t at hiding it.

 

“I didn’t,” Sasuke says, almost to himself but more than loud enough for Naruto to hear.  His voice grows firm when Naruto’s lips draw into a hard line.  “I wouldn’t.”

 

He doesn’t believe for a second that Sasuke came back to Konoha for him, but it’d be easier to pretend there wasn’t some kind of truth underlying his words if Sasuke had just left it alone.

 

Everything that encompasses whatever they are and whatever they can’t be—those instances that won’t allow them to be anything other than rivals yet somehow still nothing less than friends—Sasuke doesn’t have a problem ignoring those things, but something about what happened yesterday, for some reason Sasuke can’t leave that alone.

 

Even if it is true, if that’s what Sasuke really believes, the fact he feels the need to bring it up at all might as well be an admission.  Simply coming here tells Naruto more than Sasuke’s willing to tell say.

 

Although the sceptic look on his face isn’t completely gone, Naruto nods and indulges Sasuke anyway because it means Sasuke’s not ignoring him anymore.  It means Naruto didn’t have to do the chasing this time, and there’s almost a kind of reassurance that doesn’t make him feel as bad about the realisation that he still would have gone after Sasuke if Sasuke hadn’t come to him first.

 

So he steps aside to let Sasuke in, waits to see if Sasuke will take those few steps to close the short distance between them.  A large part of him isn’t sure Sasuke will do anything at all, and he’s not ready when Sasuke does.

 

The hands gripping his shirt and pushing Naruto inside surprise him, as much as the closeness Sasuke instigates and keeps by yanking Naruto towards him.  Maybe he should have expected it, but Sasuke’s expression stills manages to throw him off guard.  There’s something almost frantic about it.  Their faces are close, so very close, but the more Naruto stares, the harder it seems to find himself in familiar eyes that suddenly make Sasuke seem out of reach.

 

“Not for this, I wouldn’t...”  Sasuke drops his head on Naruto’s shoulder, arms wrapping around Naruto’s waist.  His hands slip under Naruto’s black shirt, nails scraping down Naruto’s back, and Naruto hisses, cock twitching at the feel of Sasuke pressing against him.

 

Whether it’s with fists or words, the way they work around whatever they can’t agree on is nothing new.  He noticed the pattern before sex was even in the picture.  A few months ago, he told Kiba his relationship with Sasuke was complicated, but Naruto knows it’s only as complicated as he wants to make it.

 

It’s always come down to two things, really.  Fighting and not fighting.  This cycle that continues to tag along with them as they grow older.  Whenever they’re not fighting, they’re doing the kinds of things that inadvertently bring them closer.  Yet whenever they are fighting, they’re still doing the kinds of things that don’t necessarily drive them further apart.

 

Sex simply happens to fall in both categories.

 

It can be like those times when it’s just Sasuke in his mind, Sasuke and only Sasuke, and Naruto lets himself pretend there’s nothing else except the two of them.  Slow-burning and stretched out across the span of seconds that creep into minutes blurring the numbers on the clock, he’ll rasp through a mouth too dry, almost beg for Sasuke not to close his eyes because it’s cheating when he does, because it always means that much more when he can _see_ Sasuke.   But in between those moments when it’s so easy to lose himself, sometimes he’ll think about confessing why it’s not fair Sasuke can refuse to give him something so simple when Naruto still feels like there’s too much space between them—even when he’s lying on top of Sasuke, when he’s as much as he can be inside Sasuke—so he’ll continue to push without words and try to make him understand how much he needs to be the only one Sasuke sees, too.

 

But other times the sex can be angry.  Rougher than normal when Sasuke carves into Naruto’s forearms with his fingers, when he doesn’t let Naruto go yet keeps him from being too close, taunts him with a heavy silence Naruto can’t always break through.  And Naruto will retaliate with a quickly fading restraint, hold Sasuke down with sharper thrusts, leave the kinds of marks that won’t disappear by morning like the ones Sasuke leaves when he’s clawing at Naruto’s skin like he actually _needs_ Naruto enough to want him—because they still don’t know how to _talk_ , don’t know how to do a lot of things without that impulse of not wanting to be outdone, and sex like this just becomes a different kind of the same fighting that doesn’t resolve anything between them.

 

His fingers dip beneath the waistband of Sasuke’s pants, thumbs already over the slight indentations above Sasuke’s hips.  He’s pressing down hard, maybe even hard enough to bruise, because it’s not until Sasuke stills when the back of his legs hit the edge of the bed that Naruto notices they’ve somehow made it to his room.

 

“I didn’t come back for you.”

 

“Maybe, but...”  Naruto’s knuckles start to throb a little, echoing the pain from those small splinters of wood in his skin it took too much time to pick out.  He almost points out the fact Sasuke’s still here, the fact Sasuke came to him and chose to stay.  To use Sasuke’s words against him, he wants to do it, wants so badly to take advantage of the opportunity to hurt Sasuke because he knows it’s the kind of thing that will, but he doesn’t.

 

Despite how much he wants to, Naruto can’t.

 

“That still doesn’t explain what happened yesterday.”

 

“Don’t expect me to answer you.”

 

“Damn it, Sasuke, I just want to—”

 

“I don’t care about what you want.”  Sasuke fumbles with the button of Naruto’s pants and pulls down the zipper.  His hand disappears through the fly of Naruto’s boxers.  Hasty fingers curl around Naruto’s cock, with a thumb rubbing over the wet tip.  “My reasons for coming back don’t have anything to do with you.  But if you can’t understand that, there’s no point in going further than this.”

 

It’s a lie Naruto won’t question.  He won’t waste his time when it’s easier to focus on his cock going in and out of Sasuke’s hand.   Sasuke’s always been good at distracting him, but Naruto can’t really bring himself to care too much.  He doesn’t feel like fighting Sasuke about something neither of them have to say.  For now, he’ll take what he can get, even if it’s all Sasuke’s willing to give.

 

He’ll make the most of it, settle with getting what he needs out of Sasuke through other means while he looks forward to the day things won’t have to be like this between them.  And even though he doesn’t know how long it’ll take, he’ll just keep pushing Sasuke, little by little until Sasuke can’t run anymore because then there’ll be nowhere else for him to go.

 

“It’s not always about you.”

 

“Of course it isn’t,” Naruto murmurs against the corner of Sasuke’s mouth.  The pressure of his lips is faint, but he still feels Sasuke trying not to turn from him.  It’s the closest to thing to a kiss Sasuke will let him have, and Naruto presses down just a little harder because he knows Sasuke won’t pull away. 

 

Sasuke snarls and jerks Naruto’s cock, more than enough to make him wince, and Naruto bites back a curse with clenched teeth.  He tries to grab Sasuke’s hand, but the hand on his cock moves first with a reach for his collar.  Sasuke tugs Naruto forward, releasing his grip on Naruto when he shoves him away.

 

Naruto doesn’t budge, though.  He grabs Sasuke’s shirt, holds Sasuke up to keep him from falling.  “I’m just that selfish, right?”

 

“You are, but this—”  Sasuke’s finger is a light touch beneath the lump on Naruto’s throat.  Too deliberate, painstakingly slow, it moves up the length of Naruto’s neck.  “ _This_ , Naruto...” 

 

The finger tilts Naruto’s head back, sliding along the underside of his chin, and Naruto shuts his eyes at the way his name rolls off Sasuke’s tongue.

 

“Right now, you’re just that convenient.” 

 

Naruto’s eyes shoot open, narrowing at the scorn reflected in the gaze that meets him.  The lie crawls over his skin, curves around Sasuke’s lips like the sneer Sasuke wore yesterday, and Naruto wants to knock this one off Sasuke’s face, too if only because this time he knows better than to believe those words are true—even more so because he’s always known that kind of expression never has and never will suit Sasuke.

 

Their heads almost bump when his cheek brushes against Sasuke’s, and Naruto already anticipates Sasuke trying to turn away with a strong hold on Sasuke’s arm that keeps him from moving too far.

 

“I’m using you, Naruto, just like you’ve been using me.”  Grabbing Naruto’s hair, Sasuke draws Naruto’s head back and glares.  “I’m not going to let you make anything else of it.”

 

“I don’t use people,” Naruto hisses.  His hands lower to the back of Sasuke’s thighs, fingers gripping and squeezing firm skin.  He lowers his hips then raises them to push into Sasuke, takes up a speed that doesn’t give Sasuke a chance to catch his breath.  “That’s not me—that’s you.  Pick them up and leave them, forget about them, and then expect them to take you back with open arms.”

 

“You’d know, wouldn’t you?  All that shit about friendship and bonds.  You’re so desperate to cling to something that doesn’t even exist.  What do you get out of it?  What’s left for you in the end?”

 

“Maybe you’d know if you cared enough not to step over anybody you think is in your way.”

 

Sasuke almost falls on Naruto, shudders against him when Naruto pushes back and pulls him forward.  “What about Sakura?  You’ve thought of her like that, haven’t you?”

 

“I...I wouldn’t do this to…”

 

“Say it,” Sasuke whispers, harsh like the hold his fingers have on Naruto’s hair.  “Say you wouldn’t do this with her.  Even if you could have her, you still wouldn’t do this to someone like Sakura.  Say it, Naruto— _say_ it.”

 

“Don’t talk about Sakura like that.  This isn’t about her,” Naruto scowls.  “This is about what I do to you.  What you do to me.  This is about—”

 

“Don’t you—”

 

“—us.”

 

“I already told you.  There’s no such thing as us or we—we’re not friends.”

 

“No,” Naruto says, tries to keep his voice level with a calm that sounds all too strained, “we’re not.”

 

They’re beyond being friends.  He doesn’t think they can ever go back to a time when that’s all they could have been.  What they have now is all they have left, and there’s nothing else they can be. 

 

“Then stop trying to—”

 

“But that doesn’t mean I’m using you, Sasuke.  Don’t make me sound like that because I wouldn’t do that to you, either.  I’m _not_ doing that to you.”

 

Hand curving around the back of Naruto’s neck, Sasuke brings Naruto closer, lowers himself on the bed while pulling Naruto on top of him.  “Then what do you call this?”

 

...

 

“I take it back.”  Naruto picks at his food with the broad end of one chopstick.  “Sasuke’s the same asshole he’s always been.”

 

“Changed your mind, huh?”  Kiba dangles a thin slice of broiled mackerel over his mouth.  Head leaned back, he loosens his fingers from around his chopsticks and lets the piece fall into his mouth.

 

“No, I didn’t change my mind.  It’s just…”  Naruto directs a half-hearted glare at the unblinking eyes of the dejected looking fish on his plate.  “It’s frustrating, you know.  No matter how hard I try, I can’t do anything right with him.”

 

“I’m guessing this is the part where I say I told you so.”

 

“Why bother?”  Naruto scoffs.  “It’s not like I didn’t already know what I was getting into.”

 

“That still means I get to tell you I told you so, right?”

 

Naruto redirects his glare to Kiba.

 

“If Sasuke’s putting out again, shouldn’t that make you happy?  Happy enough not to bother me about it?”

 

“Even though we both know it’s more than that, if Sasuke still wants to think that’s all it is, that’s—that’s fine,” Naruto mumbles.  “Because there’s nothing wrong with just having…sex.  People do it all the time.”

 

Hands flailing, Kiba reels back, almost knocking over his drink.  “What the hell, Naruto?  Do we really have to go through this?  Every single—how many times do I have to tell you?” he hisses.  “Do not mention doing that kind of thing with Sasuke around me.”

 

“Me and Sasuke have sex, Kiba,” Naruto says.  “We have sex a lot.”                                              

 

With a long-suffering sigh, Kiba pinches the bridge of his nose.  He closes his eyes and tilts his head back.  “I thought you said you talked to Sasuke about that stuff already.”

 

“Depends on what you mean by talk.”

 

Kiba lowers his head and leans forward, stares at Naruto with a disbelief too clear in his eyes.  “Other than opening your mouth and praying the person you’re saying stuff to actually gets what you’re saying?  What else am I supposed to mean by talk?”

 

“Talking without words?”

 

“Don’t even say it.”

 

“I told you.  It just comes up a lot.  A whole lot.  Because we do it a lot more than talking.”

 

“Then do something about it.  If you want to have more than that with Sasuke, you have to change your relationship.  You can’t expect it to change if you don’t do anything.  Otherwise...”

 

“I am doing something.  I’m doing a lot of things, but—”

 

“Apparently it’s not enough if you’re still in the same place you were since you started this.”

 

“I’m not trying to make things go back to the way they used to be, but every time I think we’re finally getting somewhere, Sasuke goes and throws it right back in my face.”

 

Naruto runs a hand through his hair, remembers where his fingers were last night, and forces the hand back on the counter.  “I thought I could change things between us.  I thought that’s what I wanted—right now, though, I’m starting to think I shouldn’t.  With Sasuke, maybe it can’t be more than what we have.  Remember when I first told you about it, didn’t you say we can’t be like you and Ino?”

 

“Maybe you can.  Maybe you can’t,” Kiba says.  “Who knows?  But don’t fall back on what I said before and use that as an excuse to give up.  The way you are now, whether that’s fine or not is up to you.”

 

Naruto props his elbow on the counter and leans his head against the back of his hand.

 

After a seemingly lengthy pause, Kiba takes a sip of his sake.  “So what are you going to do now?”

 

“I don’t know.”  Naruto sighs.  “What can I do?  As much as I want things to work out with Sasuke, I still don’t want to push him too far.  I don’t want to push him away from me.”

 

“...let me ask you something.”

 

Absently, Naruto watches Kiba talk abound a mouthful of rice drenched in soy sauce, wonders if he looks like that when he chews while talking.  “Sure.”

 

“Why do you like Sakura anyway?”

 

Nearly falling over trying to sit up in his chair, Naruto reaches with both hands to grab on to the counter.  “What does that have to do with me and Sasuke?”

 

“What about Sakura makes you like her so much?”

 

“I’ve always liked her.”

 

“No, I’m talking about now.  Even though you have this thing with Sasuke, how can you say you want more with him when you act like you’re still not over Sakura?”

 

“I never said—”

 

“It’s not that you talk about her as much anymore.  Only it’s still kind of there, you know.  You’ve always been so sure that you like Sakura, but with Sasuke, even though it’s obviously more than just getting into his pants, it’s almost like there’s something holding you back, like you still can’t make up your mind about liking him even after so long.”

 

“What are you talking about?  Of course I like Sasuke.  What do you think I’ve been doing with him all this time?  Sticking it up there for the hell of it?”

 

“I try so hard not to think about what you do with him,” Kiba mutters.  “At all.”

 

“Look, I don’t just go around having sex with guys.  Sasuke’s my first.  And probably my last.  So considering how much I really, really like that tight feeling when I’m—”

 

“Seriously, man, I get it already—I _get_ it.”  With a grimace, Kiba rubs his forehead.  “You don’t have to remind me every five minutes, all right, but for the kind of thing you want, it doesn’t count if you haven’t gone any further than that with Sasuke, so why do you still like Sakura?”

                                                                                                                                                                                         

Naruto’s mouth opens then closes, opens again.  “Sakura’s pretty and…nice?  I know it wasn’t always like that between us, but she’s really caring and treats me like—I don’t know.”  Eyebrows knit together, the shallow lines on his forehead deepen into creases.  “What happened to Hinata then?  Why do you like Ino now?”

 

Kiba shrugs and licks the traces of soy sauce from the corner of his mouth.  “I just do.”

 

“That’s it?”

 

“Come on.  I survived dinner with Ino’s parents.   _And_ her mom didn’t rip me a new one.  Do I really need a reason anymore?”

 

“The way you were going about it, yeah, I was expecting one.  But if that’s your reason, then it’s the same for why I’ve always liked Sakura.  Just because.”

 

“It doesn’t work like that.”

 

“You just said—”

 

“Yeah, but you didn’t say it first.  Pretty and nice, is what you said, and if that’s all there is…”

 

“You can’t just ask me something like that.  Okay, I said Sakura’s pretty and nice, but she’s more than just those things.  We’ve been on the same team for years, so she really means a lot to me as a friend.  She’s a...she’s one of my precious people.  It’s only natural that I’m supposed to like her.”

 

“Why?” Kiba says. “Because she started out liking Sasuke?  The only way that matters is if Sakura likes you now.”

 

“She doesn’t like Sasuke like that anymore.”

 

“She never liked you the way you wanted her to, either.”

 

“But I stopped liking her like that.”

 

“Did you?”

 

“...yes.”

 

“Really?”

 

“I already know I won’t have that kind of relationship with Sakura, but knowing that doesn’t mean I can’t care about her anymore.”  Naruto looks down at his fish, eyes lingering on the tiny bones poking through the soft flesh.  “Besides, I wouldn’t be with Sasuke if I still liked Sakura like that.”

 

“Well,” Kiba says, heaving a sigh, “it’s not like you really asked her out anyway.”

 

“What is this—you’re just going to sit there and pick on me the rest of the night?”

 

“I’m just saying.”

 

“And you’re only saying it like asking out the girl you like is the easiest thing to do.  You know how long it took me to get the nerve to seriously ask Sakura out?”

 

“Not that you actually ended up doing it.”

 

“Not the point, dog-breath.”  Naruto grabs his chopsticks and picks up a piece of mackerel.  “Not the point.  I might not have as much experience as you, but getting turned down, it’s not fun to go through.  I don’t think anybody wants to get used to something like that, so it’s hard when you have your hopes up, and then being told no becomes more than just the worst thing someone can say to you.  I mean, how’d you feel when you asked Ino out.”

 

Kiba mumbles something Naruto doesn’t catch.

 

“What?”

 

“I said,” Kiba says slowly, “Ino asked me out.  Or more like she told me one day we were going to start—”

 

Naruto nearly chokes on the fish he’s trying to swallow through the laughter he can’t hold back.  “You let _Ino_ ask you out?”

 

“Naruto...”

 

“No, no, no—all those times you gave me crap about Megumi making a move on me first, and then Ino— _Ino_ —was the one who—”

 

“Shut up,” Kiba growls.  “You know the kind of person Ino is.  You weren’t even there.  You didn’t see what happened.”

 

Naruto lets out a snort and then a few snickers he covers his mouth trying to quiet.

 

“There’s something about Ino that just...does things to me—I don’t know.  But you know what?  Who cares?  It doesn’t matter because she didn’t even give me the chance to say no, and it’s not like I know how to say no to her anyway.”  Face flushed, Kiba points a finger at Naruto.  “I bet you’d say yes if Sakura asked you out right now.”

 

His laughter dies down, quickly fades into mellow breathing, and Naruto hesitates before answering.  “…what if I’d say no?”

 

Kiba blinks and lowers his finger.  “Do you mean, if Sasuke asked you—?”

 

“He’s not a girl.”

 

“Still,” Kiba says, “what if he did?”

 

“But he wouldn’t because it’s just…sex.  Sex between two people that happen to be me and Sasuke.  Sasuke said as much.  He won’t give me more than that.  It’s not like I think about doing this kind of thing with Sakura anymore.  Except I can’t get Sasuke to see that.”

 

“But if you’re really over Sakura this time, if she’s not what’s holding you back, then what’s keeping you from telling Sasuke?”

 

Naruto frowns and brings another piece of fish to his mouth, lets a few seconds pass while he chews and swallows because he doesn’t really have an answer.  “How come you’re suddenly being so insightful?”

 

“You know there’s nothing sudden about my insight.  I’ve always been cooler than you.”

 

“Yeah, keep telling yourself that.”

 

“Seriously, though, you better now?  As much as I appreciate you as a drinking buddy, it’s kind of hard to drink around you when you’re acting all broody.”

 

“I got enough off my chest, if that’s what you’re asking.”

 

“Good.”  Kiba gives Naruto a firm nod then a wide grin.  “Because you’re only fun when you’re not trying to bring me down with you.”

 

“I’m already paying for you,” Naruto says.  “Again.”

 

Kiba hums in agreement.  “Which makes you a very generous friend.  Very generous.  Never mind the fact you dragged me out here on a Wednesday night.  But I can look past these sorts of things since you bribed me with free alcohol.”

 

“Just the alcohol?”

 

Kiba takes a moment to think.  “And free food.”

 

Naruto snorts, watching Kiba wave down the bartender.

 

“More sake, please, Mr. Bartender.”  Kiba beams at the cold bottle of sake placed on the counter.  He nods to the bartender in thanks and opens the bottle to refill both his and Naruto’s glasses.

 

“At this rate, I really won’t have any money left.,” Naruto mumbles.  He eyes the liquid sloshing near the rim of his glass.  “I won’t even need a wallet anymore.”

 

“Don’t worry.”  Glass held high in his left hand, with his right, Kiba slaps Naruto on the back.  “You can always give it to me.  The one I have is getting too small anyway.  Because of all the money I’ve been saving, you know.”

 

“Why am I friends with you again?”

 

“Let’s face it, Naruto.  We both know you’d be lost without me.”  Kiba tips his glass towards Naruto, who picks up his own.  “Besides, you look forward to meeting at this place as much as I do.”

 

Naruto looks down at his drink but doesn’t disagree.

 

“Because no matter what happens out there,” Kiba says, gesturing with his head towards the open doorway behind them, “this time will always be ours, so stop acting like a grumpy old man and smile a little, would you?”

 

“Yeah, yeah.”  Naruto shakes his head but doesn’t try to fight the infectious quality of Kiba’s grin.  One corner of his mouth rises, followed by the other as his glass clinks against Kiba’s.  “Cheers.”

 

...

 

I like you, he wants to say, thinks he should just to clear up that particular uncertainty about Sakura still there, but since he won’t risk even the slightest chance of Sasuke doubting him, Naruto doesn’t.

 

He stays quiet in his room lying on the bed next to Sasuke, two shirts and two pairs of boxers squashed between them as he climbs on top of him.  His cock turns a little stiff rubbing against the fabric covering Sasuke’s bare thigh.

 

Naruto’s hands go here and there, fingers already used to roaming over Sasuke’s body like a subconscious afterthought.

 

Sasuke arches against him a little, just enough for Naruto to slide his hand beneath him.  He traces the definition of Sasuke’s back, follows sharp lines he’s mapped out so many times before, allows himself to drown in the kind of surreal moment that revolves around just the sensation of his fingers  on Sasuke’s skin.

 

It’s almost like foreplay, how sex between them sometimes starts out, except it’s too calm for Naruto’s simple touching to go any further than that.

 

It’s the kind of calm after a long day spent under the hot sun pulling out the weeds already starting to crop up in the garden and wrestling koi bigger than his head into the pond with nets they kept trying to jump  out of—watching them and waiting near the edge for more than just a little while trying to reassure Sasuke with a poorly veiled giggle and a hand on his arm Sasuke smacks away that the koi won’t be floating upside down when they go to check on them in the morning, since in the end he still wants to see that small smile Sasuke tried to hide when they were feeding the fish together for the first time.

 

And with the sweat and dirt and the questionable smell of pond water finally washed away, it’s the kind of day where he gets to slip into bed with Sasuke even though Sasuke’s takes up the entire left side because those none too gentle nudges from Sasuke’s foot teach Naruto not to complain about being forced to shift to the right side when he‘s always slept in the middle.

 

As long as Sasuke doesn’t try to kick him out of his own bed, Naruto can handle it.  He doesn’t mind too much.  It’s kind of nice to think how familiar it’s become to share a bed like this, on the verge of sleep but kept awake by the dim light from the lamp with the crooked shade that’s in the far corner of the room.

 

His fingers trail along Sasuke’s side, provoke a soft grunt muted by the sheets rustling at Sasuke’s movement.  It almost sounds like Naruto.  Maybe.  If he closes his eyes and presses his ear against Sasuke’s chest so the next time he hears it he can be sure it’s Sasuke saying his name.

 

“Can I…”   He raises himself up and over Sasuke, enclosing Sasuke’s face with his hands pressing down into the uneven surface of the bed.  “I just want to...”

 

If he could just keep Sasuke like this, draw out this one instance, then maybe...

 

“You want to…”

 

He listens to Sasuke’s breathing coming out just a little bit faster, loses himself waiting for it to even out while he tries to keep track of his own.

 

“You want to what, Naruto?”

 

“Is it okay if I...”

 

His hands begin to tremble, elbows threatening to bend too much.  Leaning closer and closer, he struggles to keep his balance, wills himself steady as he peers down at Sasuke staring at him, soaks in the sight of dark eyes not fully closed that seem as just dazed as Naruto gets sometimes by just looking at Sasuke.

 

But it’s okay that his breath hitches a little at the way Sasuke’s holding him, at the way Sasuke’s looking at him like the way they still watch the stars at night—like he’s looking for the sky in Naruto’s eyes.

 

Because even when Sasuke closes his own, when he murmurs about Naruto being stupid for always wanting to do the things he doesn’t just do, it doesn’t stop Naruto from shuddering at the hand moving along the back of his neck, at Sasuke’s fingers clutching and tangled between strands of Naruto’s hair.  And when Sasuke begins to pull him down, slowly brings Naruto’s mouth to his, it shakes something inside him.  This feeling in his chest that’s still there after he pulls away, growing taut like the trembling arm around his neck that makes him drop his forehead above Sasuke’s.

 

The weight on his wrists spreads to his elbows.  Wobbly forearms sink into the bed.  His hands grip at the sheets, give him the leverage to hold himself up even though Sasuke’s not giving him any room to fall, but Naruto’s just fine believing it’s only because Sasuke doesn’t want to let him go.

 

...

 

“Where—” Naruto yawns and closes his eyes, fighting off the grogginess from just waking up.  It’s too early to be awake, even for him, but instead of going back to sleep, he searches through the dark with his arm outstretched, turns on his side and reaches towards the movement to his left.  “Where’re you going?”

 

Sasuke tenses at Naruto’s hand around his arm, at the fingers that move down to wrap around his wrist.

 

“Stay.”

 

“Naruto...”

 

Sasuke begins to pull away, but the pressure from Naruto’s hand keeps him at the edge of the bed.

 

Naruto waits, tongue running over his lips as the room turns quiet.  The mattress sinks near his side when Sasuke moves, and he tightens his grip to make sure Sasuke isn’t trying to leave.

 

“Don’t go yet.”

 

Sasuke scoffs.

 

“...please.”

 

“It’s always the same with you, isn’t it?”

 

“What is?”

 

Sasuke frees himself from the hand holding him, twisting Naruto’s arm before untangling his own wrist, and Naruto presses his tongue hard against the back of his teeth.

 

“In the end, you always get what you want.” 

 

Fingers clamped around the arm he pins to the bed, Sasuke manoeuvres himself on top of Naruto, straddles him and holds him in place with a squeeze of his thighs.

 

Naruto blinks at the hair that sweeps across his eyes.  He drifts towards the warm air on his face, Sasuke’s mouth hovering above his lips.

 

“Don’t you, Naruto?” Sasuke breathes, lifts himself forward.  Releasing Naruto’s arm, he tilts his head down and reaches with both hands to hold Naruto’s face.

 

There’s a soft brush of lips that entices Naruto to open his mouth, makes the fingers he slides through Sasuke’s hair curl.

 

Leaning into the kiss, he runs his other hand down Sasuke’s back, sucks on Sasuke’s lip.  The curve of Sasuke’s mouth is familiar, mocking in a way Naruto doesn’t need to see to know it’s there, but the smirk falters, teeters on thin lips until Naruto can’t feel it anymore.

 

Slowly, Sasuke draws away.  Naruto groans at the warmth stolen from his cheeks, but he keeps his arm around Sasuke, pulls Sasuke back down.  He turns to face Sasuke.  Through the dark spots in his vision, he looks ahead to the wall he can’t see and rests his chin on top of Sasuke’s head.

 

A knee pushes up between Sasuke’s legs as Naruto drags him closer.  Damp strands of Sasuke’s hair glide through his fingers, fall past the nape of Sasuke’s neck a little longer than he last remembers.

 

“Even if I...”

 

 “…even if you what?”

 

“Everything’s still the same.”  Sasuke’s shoulders start to shake a little.  He muffles a laughter that starts to fall apart against Naruto’s shoulder.  Then it stops.  Sasuke goes still.

 

Air catches in Naruto’s throat, tickles like Sasuke’s hair against his skin. 

 

“...because you’re still selfish.”

 

Of all people, Sasuke doesn’t get to call him that, not after everything they’ve been through, after everything Sasuke’s put him through, but this time Naruto decides not to say anything.

 

Because then he’d have to admit he does want more than Sasuke’s ready or willing to give.  The rush of relief from getting Sasuke to stay, the feel of Sasuke’s weight solid and comfortable next to him.  Maybe once he’d been able to ignore the small part of him that wanted more than sex, the part of him that realised sex was an opportunity to be closer to Sasuke in a way Sasuke hadn’t let him before.

 

But when that novelty wore off, it wasn’t about wanting the sort of adrenaline rush from having sex with Sasuke anymore.  It became about wanting all of Sasuke, needing all of Sasuke’s attention on him and safeguarding that simple recognition Sasuke’s finally giving him.

 

Even if he didn’t quite understand in the beginning—still doesn’t understand how or when being with Sasuke developed into this almost relentless desperation that’s getting harder and harder to keep in check—whatever this something is between them, whatever it is about Sasuke that keeps him coming back while he inches his way towards the kind of relationship that’s more than just a variation of how things have always been between them, all he knows is that it won’t be enough until he can get Sasuke to admit he needs it, too.

 

Fingers try to hollow Naruto’s skin through the material of his shirt, and Sasuke whispers, voice almost too low and mouth close to Naruto’s cheek, “Why did I think I could change that?”

 

The sound of his pulse is a loud ringing in the quiet room.  Everywhere but in his chest, Naruto can feel his heart beat.  It’s a tingle on the inside of his wrist, travels up to his elbow then skips all the way down to his left ankle and back up behind his knee.  The sensation pounds in his ears, grows faster to hammer at the base of his throat. 

 

“Sasuke...”

 

Other than his tightening grip, Sasuke doesn’t move.  He stays quiet, just lies there, and Naruto closes his eyes at the hand clutching his shirt.

 

“So damn selfish.”


End file.
